WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2010

If you had to pick the theme song for the year just passed, which Braodway song would it be?

A) Camelot

B) Beauty And The Beast

C) "I Could Have Danced All Night" My Fair Lady

D) "Let Me Entertain You" Gypsy

E) "Make Someone Happy" Do Re Mi

F) "People (who need people)" Funny Girl

G) "Seventy Six Trombones" Music Man

H) "What Kind Of Fool Am I?" Stop the World I Want To Get Off

I) "Wouldn't It Be Loverly" My Fair Lady

J) "Oh, What A Beautiful Mornin'" Oklahoma

K) "Another Op'nin', Another Show" Kiss Me Kate

L) Cabaret

M) "Everything's Coming Up Roses" Gypsy

N) "Comedy Tonight" A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To the Forum

O) "Brotherhood Of Man" How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 24, 2010

The ultimate proof that Lindsey Lohan is a Republican/Democrat, is...


A) A Democrat: She is in court ordered rehab.

B) A Republican: She was caught sneaking BACK into rehab.

C) A Democrat: When she was caught, she punched the guard.

D) A Republican: After punching the guard she called her the "C" word that rymes with Unt.

E) A Democrat: Her favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street."

F) A Republican: Her favorite Chistmas movie is "Die Hard"

G) A Democrat: It has been widly reported that she is a lesbian.

H) A Republican: She probably is a lesbian but she has never admitted it publically.

I) A Democrat: She opens her Christmas presents on Christmas Eve

J) A Republican: She opens her Christmas presents on Chirstmas morning

K) A Democrat: She no longer has contact with her parents.

L) A Republican: And she cut them off finacially.

M) A Democrat; There is video of her smoking dope.

N) A Republican: She sold the video.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2010

Senator Mitch Mcconnell said in October before the election, "The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” What do you think is Senator McConnell's favorite musical"?


A) "A New Brain" 1998 Off-Broadway

B) "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" 1994 - film

C) "Lust 'n Rust" 2001 theatre

D) "The Lord of the Rings" 2007, theatre

E) "Little Shop of Horrors" 1982 -Off Broadway

F) "The Amorous Flea" 1964 - Off Broadway

G) "Animal Crackers" 1928 Boadway

H) "Assassins" 1990 Off Broadway,

I) "The Big Broadcast" 1932 Film

J) "The Boy from Oz" 2003 - Broadway

K) "Calamity Jane" 1953 Film,

L) "Dracula, The Musical" 2001 Theatre

M) "The Happiest Millionaire" 1967. Film

N) "Jerry Springer - The Opera" 2003

O) Der Kleine Horrorladen.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2010

Now that gays can finally openly serve in the military, what Christmas song should Senator John McCain be singing?


A) No Smiles on Christmas

B) I Wonder as I Wander

C) Blue Christmas

D) You're a Sly One, Mr Grinch

E) Go Tell It On The Mountain

F) Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

G) Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella

H) Yule Be Sorry

I) "Little Donkey"

J) Its Christmas at Ground Zero

K) I Need A Silent Night

L) Nuttin' For Christmas

M) Why Does Santa smell like Jack Daniels?

N) Frosty the Snow Man

O) Boar's Head Carol

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2010

Sarah Palin appeared on "GMA" today for an interview/fan piece as part of her new strategy toward the news media. What will be her next reality show?


A) Last Comic Standing

B) The Biggest Loser

C) Fear Factor II

D) Big Brother

E) Scare Tactics

F) The Apprentice

G) Faking It

H) The Amazing Race

I) The Weakest Link

J) American Idol Rewind

K) Project Runaway

L) COPS

M) The Unreal World

N) I'm a Celebrity... Get Me out of Here!.

0) Temptation Island

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2010

What should be Speaker Boehner's new theme song?


A) "Tears Of a Clown" - Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

B) "96 Tears" - Question Mark and the Mysterians

C) "Who's Crying Now" - Journey

D) "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" -

E) "Cry Me A River" - Justin Timberlake

F) "Cried Like A Baby" - Bobby Sherman

G) "Cry Me A River" - Joe Cocker

H) "You Don't Have To Be A Baby To Cry" - The Caravelles

I) "Think I'll Go Somewhere and Cry Myself To Sleep" - Al Martino

J) "Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain" - Willie Nelson

K) "Do You Want Crying?" - Katrina and The Waves

L) "My Heart Cries For You" - Ray Charles

M) "Big Girls Don't Cry" - Fergie

N) "Cry Baby" - Garnet Mimms & the Enchanters

O) "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" - Gerry & the Pacemakers

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2010

Donald Trump says raising taxes on the rich would be "very, very catastrophic," and billionaires will leave for tax havens overseas. What patriotic song should he be singing?


A) "This land is my land, this land is my land. You are just renting. Get off of my land."

B) "God Bless America. Land I depreciate. "

C) "When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again, hurrah, hurrah. He'll find an eviction waiting for him, hurrah, hurrah."

D) "All gave some, some gave all. But I'm not going to give another dime."

E) Hey Uncle Sam, Put your name at the top of his list, And the Statue of Liberty, Started shakin' her fist, And the eagle will fly, to a tax haven nearby "

F) "I'm Proud to be an American, until the bill comes due."

G) "Born In the USA. I was Born in the USA. But my heart belongs to Martin Gecko."

H) "From the Halls of Goldman Sachs, To the Shores of Citibank, We will fight our countries battles, just as long as the profits still back."

I) "My Country Tis of thee, Sweet profitability. Of thee I sing."

J) "Oh, say does that that star spangled banner yet wave? Over the land of the land of the gullible, and the home of the suckers."

K) "Off we go, into the wild blue yonder. Climbing high, into the sun. Taking our cash, aloing with our credit ratings, to a land where the politicians are cheaper to buy."

L) "Fighting bankers, live in the sky. Fearless brokers, invest and say goodbye.Men who mean nothing they say. The brave men who own the green beret",

M) "O beautiful for spacious lies, For amber waves of grain. Commodities, commodities, God gave his grace to we, and crown the Creed, selfish brotherhood, of pricks who love themselves."

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 10, 2010

If Barak Obama had a 1960's theme song, what would it be?


A) "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" Righteous Brothers

B) "Hit The Road Jack" Ray Charles

C) "Evil Ways" Santana

D) "No Particular Place To Go" Chuck Berry

E) "You Can't Always Get What You Want" Rolling Stones

F) "Helter Skelter" Beatles

G) "The Sounds Of Silence" Simon & Garfunkel

H) "I Can't Help Myself" Four Tops

I) "Bad Moon Rising" Creedence Clearwater Revival

J) "Tears Of A Clown" Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

K) "Chain Of Fools" Aretha Franklin

L) "We Gotta Get Out Of This Place" Animals

M) "The Thrill Is Gone" B.B. King

N) "Help!" Beatles

O) "Wipe Out" Surfaris

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2010

Which Patsy Cline song would you choose as the theme song for the Obama Administration?


A) "Your Cheatin` Heart";

B) "You were only foolin'"

C) "A Stranger In My Arms"

D) "Bill Bailey Won`t You Please Come Home"

E) "Cry Not For Me"

F) "Tell Me I Was Dreaming"

G) "Don`t Ever Leave Me Again"

H) "Ain`t No Wheels On This Ship"

I) "Faded Love"

J) "Have You Ever Been Lonely (Have You Ever Been Blue)"

K) "Crazy"

L) "It Wasn`t God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels"

M) "I`ve Loved And Lost Again "

N) "There He Goes, Again"

O) "Stand by your man"

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2010

What do we get Republican House Minority Leader John Boehner for Chirstmas?


A) A lifetime supply of Clinique "True Bronze" bronzer.

B) A complete set of new Golf Clubs - except two of them don't have swimming pools.

C) A fire in the Page Boulevard, St. Louis, military archives building, which destroys all record of John's two months in the U.S. Navy in 1968 .

D) A plaque comemorating John's membership in the "Gang of Se7en."

E) A thank you note from Satan

F) Sixty-two signed copies of Newt Gingrich's latest book - "How I diid everything and was responsible for nothing."

G) A Sunquest Pro 32RSP Tanning bed.

H) A lifetime membership in the "I hate Sarah Palin" club.

I) A framed quilt for his wall that reads, "Democrats is dumb and gutless - Ronald Reagan"

J) A new puppy called America, with no health insurance, no job, training, and a future that involves being neutered,

K) A lobbyist of his very own, so he can hug him and kiss him and kiss his butt.

L) After receiving Barak Obabma, John doesn't feel he needs any other presents.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 2010

What should we get Rep. Whip Eric Cantor for Christmas?


A) Coal

B) Bullet proof glass for his campaign office windows. And an outside sign identifying them as his campaign offices.

C) A little draddle, made out of clay. So he can spin it.

D) A signed, framed, 8X10 protrait of John Boehner's butt, so he can recognize it

E) A signed, framed, 8X10 portrait of Barak Obama's butt, so he can practice kicking it.

F) A signed, framed, 8X10 portrait of everybody's butt, because this seems to be the only way he recogizes people.

G) An official sign identfying him as a "good" Jew,

H) Long pants, for when he becomes a man.

I) A millionaire of his own, that he can hold, and love and pet and kiss the butt of.

J) An original idea of his own.

K) More coal.

L) More bad times for America, so Eric can rise higher while the Republicans triumph.

M) Boils. Just because I am a little bitter toward Eric.

N) May his hemroids hang like grapes. I guess I am more than a little bitter towards Eric.

O) A presonality, so he can become a real boy.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2010

What Christmas present do you think we should buy Republican Senator Mitch McConnel?


A) A personality

B) A life time supply of Tea bags.

C) A gift card for free services at a Bowling Green ophthalmologist.

D) A new editor at the his home town paper, the Louisville Courier-Journal,

E) For Barak Obama to remain a political jelly fish

F) Another package from UPS, delivered to Mitch's Senate offices.

G) Another $833,000 from Toyota.

H) For theFor the Justice Department to drop its investigation of a certain generous British Defense Corporation.

I) A better personality.

J) For Sarah Palin to develope llaryngitis and reumatism.

K) For Rand Paul to learn to respect his elders.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2010

What was the funniest thing Tom Delay said after his conviction?


A) "This is an abuse of power."

B) "It's a miscarriage of justice."

C) "I praise the Lord for what's going on."

D) “I’m not going to blame anybody.”

E) "The criminalization of politics undermines our system.”

F) "I still maintain that I am innocent."

G) I'm very disappointed in the outcome,"

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2010

Now that Dancing With The Stars season has ended, where will Sarah send Bristol Next?


A) A guest spot on "Law And Order- Special Victims"

B) A re-occuring role on "Two and A-Half Men", as Charles' new girllfriend

C) A re-occuring role on "Two and A-half Men" as Alan's new girlfriend.

D) A re-occuring role on "Two and A-Half Men" as Jakes new girlfriend.

E) A guest spot on "Wheel of Fortune"

F) A guest spot on "House" as a patient with a mysterious illness, and a pushy mother, whom House hates and yet finds attractive

G) A guest spot on "Family Feud".

H) A re-occuring role on the soap opera "One Life To Live"

I) Spokeswoman for "Today - the Vaginal Contraceptive Sponge"

J) A guest spot on "How I Met Your Mother" as the woman who marries Barney Stinson

K) Her own show, to be called "How I hate my Mother in Alaska".

L) A guest spot on "Dr. Phil".

M) A re-occuring role on "Dr Phil"

N) A guest spot on "Kate Plus 8"

O) Her own sitcom to be called "The Flunky", in which she is the assistant of cruel and thoughtless boss, who is never seen, al "Charley's Angels"

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 21, 2010

Last Year the bird pardoned by the president was named "Courage". What should this year's biggest Turkey be named?


A) "Loser"

B) "Rangel"

C) "START"

D) "Mitch"

E) "Boehner"

F) "Sarah"

G) "Compromise"

H) “Morning Joe”

I) "Surender Monkey"

J) "Barak"

K) "Maxine"

L) "T-S-A"

M) "Birch"

N) "Steele"

O) "Wall Street"

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2010

What song were GOP leadership singing when they stood up President Obama?


A) "One Way Or Another" - Blondie

B) "You're So Vain" - by Carly Simon

C) "How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?" Fred Astaire

D) "I Thought I Told You to Wait in the Car" Sparks

E) "Ob-La Di Ob-La Da" Beatles

F) "I'm Sitting on Top of the World" Al Jolson

G) "Another one bites the Dust" Queen

H) "Another one rides the bus" "Weird Al" Yankovic

I) "Blinded by the Light" Manfred Mann

J) "Crazy" IceHouse

K) "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" Tears for Fears

L) "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades" Timbuk 3

M) "Hysteria" Def Leppard

N) "I think I'm a clone now" "Weird Al" Yankovic

O) "Joyride" Roxette

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2010

What is next after "Sarah Palin's Alaska"?


A) Sarah Palin's Hell's Kitchen North.

B) Sarah Palin's Bridge to 1894.

C) Sarah Palin's Apocalypse, You Betcha.

D) Sarah Palin's New American Language. This week, the advantage of the run on sentence when you have no idea what you are talking about and you have to talk for at least forty minutes to get paid, and you don't want to sound like you are just filling space and troops and freedom and patriotism, the flag and evil liberals and

E) Sarah Palin Does Shakespere: You Betcha or not to Betcha That is a question.

F) Sarah Palin's Alaska Shore: After a late night fundraiser, Sarah loses her cell phone and has to talk to her hand.

G) Sarah Palin's Royal Wedding: Sarah anchors Fox News' coverage. Are they called Welsh because they don't pay their debts?

H) Sarah Palin's Russia. Week One: That's Kodiak? I thought that was Russia. Never mind.

I) Sarah Palin's All in the Family. Bristol marries a Polish orthodox Jew, and they move in.

J) Sarah Palin's North End.

K) Sarah Palin's Guide to Parenting.

L) Sarah Palin's Guide to the Arts. Week One; Paint by the Numbers. Its just like politics.

M) Sarah Palin's Other Places I've Never Been Before. Week One: a library.

N) Sarah Palin's Meglomania. It's not just a word.

O) I just wish her well. Because if the show get's picked up she may drop the politics.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2010

Cindy McCain now says she supports her husband's threat to filibuster "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". What song will she be singing in the shower tomorrow morning?


A) “What Made you Say That” – Shania Twain

B) “Maybe I Mean Yes” – Holly Dunn

C) “She Thinks His Name Was John” – Reba McEntire

D) “I Wish I Was A Single Girl Again” – Maddox Brothers & Rose

E) “Stand By Your Man” – Tammy Wynette

F) "I'm a Loser" The Beatles

G) "If I Could Turn Back Time" Cher

H) "I Will Survive" Gloria Gaynor

I) "Unbelievable" EMF

J) "Ain’t It Funny" – Jennifer Lop

K) "Give Me Novacaine" Green Day

L) "Dancing Queen" Abba

M) "You Make Me Feel Stupid" Gessle

N) "I'm with Stupid" Static-X

O) "Things You Make Me Do" Robin Thicke

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 1020

Michele Bachmann (Tea Party R Minn.) has dropped her bid for GOP conference chairwoman. What other GOP leadership position should she be seeking?


A) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on Psychoactive drugs.

B) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha.

C) Chairwoman to promote February 18th as 'Panet Pluto Day'

D) Chief Congressional Loon.

E) Head Congressional Loon

F) Chairwoman of House Subcomittee to limit zoological classifications to only the 281 offically recognized as being on Noah's Ark.

G) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on puerile thinking,

H) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on witlessness dementia.

I) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on being kept busy in another room so the adults can get their work done.

J) Chairwoman on the House Subcomittee on why this wacko is entitled to health insurance and a pension.

K) Chairwoman on House Subcomittee on "my name is ALICE, my husband's name is AL, we live in ALABAMA and we bring back APPLES"

L) Chairwoman on House Subcomittee on finding Elvis in the Bermuda Triangle

M) Chairwoman on House Subcomittee for Mordor.

N) Chairwoman on House Subcomittee on floridation and fumigation.

O) Chairoman on House Subcomitee for something really impoortant and really secret and we can't even tell her.

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 10, 2010

What would you guess is Keith Olbermann's favorite Rolling Stone song?


A) Blinded by Rainbows

B) Get Off of My Cloud

C) You Got Me Rocking

D) Ride On, Baby

E) Plundered My Soul

F) Infamy

G) Let It Bleed

H) Memo from Turner

I) Something Happened to Me Yesterday

J) Sympathy for the Devil

K) 19th Nervous Breakdown

L) As Tears Go By

M) This Place Is Empty

N) Yesterday's Papers

O) You Can't Always Get What You Want

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2010

Barak Obama still offers his hand to Republicans. What movie line should he be using?


A) "Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race." Kill Bill, Vol Two

B) "Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza." Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

C) "Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?" 2001: A Space Oddesey

D) "Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part. " Se7en

E) "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'. That's goddamn right." The Shawshank Redemption

F) "Nobody can survive in the adult world if they just stick to the truth." Liar Liar

G) "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!!" The Big Lebowski

H) "28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end. " Donnie Darko

I) "Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming..." - Finding Nemo

J) "You're just jealous cause I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!" Batman Returns.

K) "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" Batman

L) "Do you understand the words that are comin' outta my mouth?" Rush Hour

M) "I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule." Clerks

N) "I'm familiar with the fact that you're going to ignore this particluar problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass!" Jaws

O) "Hey! You got your tail in my peanut butter!" Avatar. (actually written by my wife)

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2010

MICHELE BACHMANN NOW WANTS A LEADERSHIP ROLE IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MICHELE QUOTE?


A) "We’re seeing the fulfillment of the Book of Judges here in our own time." March 6, 2004.

B) "Cry out to a Holy God. He wants to hear us, He will hear us if we will confess our sins and cry out to Him. Our children are worth it and obedience to God demands it.” ibid

C) “It isn’t that some gay will get some rights. It’s that everyone else in our state will lose rights." ibid

D) “We are wide open and vulnerable and in all likelihood an activist judge will strike down our Defense of Marriage Act, our state law against gay marriage, this year." March 20, 2004.

E) "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter." April 28, 2009

F) "During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26." May 2009

G) "There isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." April, 2009

H) "There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design." Oct. 2006

I) "I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back." March 2009

J) "We're running out of rich people in this country."Feb. 2009

K) "I think people are thrilled tonight, I imagine that thrill is probably not so tingly on your leg anymore." Nov. 2, 2010

L) "I never wanted to amend the constitution." May 12, 2005

M) "Literally, if we took away the minimum wage...we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment" January 26, 2005

N) "If we allow businesses to be prosperous and accrue capital, they’ll be giving their employees more than they can even begin to imagine." ibid

O) "I don't think I give as much credence to my own mind, because I see myself as being very limited and very flawed, and lacking in knowledge, and wisdom and understanding." September 29, 2003.

NOVEMBER 3, 2010

Whom do the Democrats find to replace Barak Obama?


A) Anybody but Obama.

B) Somebody who remembers why they became Democrats.

C) Anybody but Obama. As George Bush proved, the American people will follow a leader off the cliff, if he just leads

D) Barny Frank.

E) Somebody taller than Barney Frank

F) How about a woman? Any woman with more balls than Obama.

G) Hillary Clinton. (note: lose the damn pant suits)

H) Anybody but Obama.

I) No, seriously, anybody but Obama.

J) Joe Bidden.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2010

Which Halloween costume would you suggest Presdent Obama wear this year?


A) BATMAN. A crime fighter, but no actual superpowers.

B) Dr. HOUSE. Its not about the patient, its about the diagnoses.

C) Dr. SHERPARD (Lost) We're never getting off this fucking island.

D) Dr. WALTER BISHOP (Fringe); What we got is the mental wanderer, but we would like a little of the Alt Walter, every once in awhile

E) GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE. Watch out for that Republican Majority in the House!

F) KENNY (South Park). Oh, No. They killed Kenny again. Those bastards.

G) POOCHIE (The Simpsons); Killed off after one show. Get it, Homer?

H) RICHIE CUNNINGHAM (Happy Days); He's the lead character. So how come the best plots revolve around Fonzie?

I) VINNY GUADAGNINO (Jersey Shore) "I'm the youngest guy in the house. But I'm the most mature person in the house."

J) BEN CARTWRIGHT (Bonanza) He's the daddy, and he never gets laid.

K) WILL SCHUESTER (Glee) He gave up a good job as a Spanish Teacher for this.

L) Dr. HERBERT MELNICK (Two and A-Half Men) The guy you probably marry, but not the guy you want.

M) DR. CARLISLE CULLEN (Twilight) What a nice guy. And yet a blood sucker.

N) ELWOOD P. DOWD (Harvey) What a Nice guy. And yet there is that big rabbit.

O) SUPERMAN: We can still dream, can't we?

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2010

Republican candidate Meg Whitman spent $140 million of her own money to lose the race for governor. What movie will they re-make about her campaign?


A) Titanic

B) Dr. Stranglove

C) Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

D) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrob

E) Election.

F) Poseidon

G) Never Give A Sucker An Even Break

H) Cleopatra

I) Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

J) King Kong

K) Toy Story 3

L) Clueless

M) Lost Horizon

N) Born Yesterday

O) Manchurian Candidate.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2010

IF NPR WERE A MOVIE SEQUAL, WHICH ONE WOULD WE BE WATCHING NOW?


A) Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, (2005)

B) Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)

C) Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives! (1986)

D) Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

E) Sherlock Holmes Faces Death (1943)

F) The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

G) The Next Karate Kid (1994)

H) Porky's Revenge (1985)

I) Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love (1994)

J) Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)

K) Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

L) Batman And Robin (1997)

M) Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)

N) Staying Alive(1983)

O) Love Finds Andy Hardy (1938)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2010

If this election was a (real) Country-Western song it would most likely be...?


A) She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

B) If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

C) You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

D) All My Exes Live in Texas

E) If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up

F) It Ain’t Love But It Ain’t Bad

G) I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It’s Love

H) If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?

I) If Money Talks, It Ain’t On Speaking Terms With Me

J) Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)

K) I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You

L) Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

M) I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

N) My Sweet Tooth Says I Wanna, But My Wisdom Tooth Says No

O) I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2010

Ginni Thomas left a message on Anita Hill's phone machine. If this story were a chick flick, what would they call it?


A) Brief Encounter (1946)

B) An Affair to Remember (1957)

C) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

D) Magnificent Obsession (1954)

E) Sophie's Choice (1982)

F) Splash (1984)

G) Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985)

H) Steel Magnolias (1989)

I) Ghost (1990)

J) Truly, Madly, Deeply (1990)

K) Legends of the Fall (1994)

L) Clueless (1995)

M) Now and Then (1995)

N) Titanic (1997)

O) You've Got Mail (1998)

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2010

How do you think Chistine O'Donnell would improve the Constituion?

A) Pictures.

B) Pictures with captions

C) A glossery of exotic terms, like "Equal rights".

D) Rewritten in the vernacular of Dr. Seuss.

E) Pop up picturest with captions.

F) Written in pink ink to hilight the socalist amendments.

G) Re-written for those with A.D.S., in "witch" the 1st amendment is also the 10th and the 15th and again the 20th

H) Paraphrased in the vernacular of Forest Gump. "Liberal is as liberal does."

I) Paraphrased in the vernacular of the Tea Party. "Me, Me, Me" and "Wang, doody, pantomine horse."

J) A fifty-two page explination of the phrase "...a more perfect union..."

K) Fequent bathroom breaks.

L) Ritalin.

M) Lots of Ritalin

N) More Ritalin

O) Less Ritalin than she is currentlly taking.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2010

If New York TeaPublican candidate Carl Paladino were a Broadway Musical, which one do you think he would be?


A) The Addams Family (2010)

B) Hellzapoppin (1938)

C) Grease (1972)

D) The Lion King (1987)

E) The Threepenny Opera (1954)

F) Momma Mia! (2001)

G) Phantom of the Opera (1988)

H) Promises, Promises (1968)

I) Spamalot (2005)

J) Les Misérables (1987)

K) The King and I (1951)

L) Little Shop of Horrors (1982)

M) Rocky Horror Show (1973)

N) The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1978)

O) Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson (2008)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2010

Which Supreme Court case do you think should Christine O'Donnell have cited as proof of activiists judges?


A) Texas v Imaginary liberal stuf I made up; By 5-4 the court upheld the right of crooks to take children's milk money

B) Nebraska v Comunist zombies; in a unanimous decision the court approved of eating human brains.

C) Nevada V blood sucking vampires; By 6-3 the court insisted that cute Irish virgins must bare their necks even if no vampires are interested.

D) Notanactualtown, California v Mexican drug cartels; by 25 -1 the court approved dark skinned drug dealers lurking outside your house

E) Onlyinnmymind, Arizona v Drug dealing Pimps Union; by unanimous decision the court approved of the bad guys.

F) Bigot, Oregon v Anybody Who Scares Me; By 5-4 the court said I'm right to be pissed off this morning.

G) Fantasy, West Virginia v People who hate me; by 2-1 the court insisted I was right.

H) Elvevator Fart, Utah v mothers eating apple pie; by 9 -5 it doesn't matter what they said - I was right

I) Christine O'Donnell v American pschiatry; by unamimous deceision the court insisted that I was not legally insane, yet.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 13, 2010

A Gallup poll finds Americans' obesity level is holding steady with 26.6% of Americans obese, still up from 2008. This poll makes me want to...


A) Eat something

B) Throw up.

C) Eat something, take a nap and think about it later.

D) Potato chips help me think. So, it makes me want to buy some dip

E) Avoid any news reports until after November. Republican "no" nothings make me want to stuff my face.

F) Bulimia is the Tea Party of Diet Programs. So yes, let's try throwing up. That should solve the problem

G) Invest in non-fat pasta technology.

H) Fix the dang fork.

I) Cookies are the new opiate of the people.

J) Go on a hunger strike until people stop eating. It may not help them, but I'll lose weight.

K) Has it occured to anyone that health food is more expensive than junk food? A fat America is a poor America

L) Stop reading polls.

M) Fat polls are so 1990's. Next they'll be telling us that sex is dangerous.

N) Be nine again, when this stuff was not going on.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2010

Firemen in South Fulton, Ten. let Gene Cranick's home burn because he didn't pay a $75 fee. Cranick's son later went to the fire house and punched the chief. What's next for our TEA Party future?


A) A Bingham, N.Y family was gunned down when they "Opted Out" of the "Overdue Library Book" fee.

B) A Plainfield, Indiana man is under arrest after he "Opted Out" of the "Random Paper Clip" replacement fee, and was found to have left the Copy Shop without paying for one.

C) In Los Angeles, twelve people have died of food posioning because they opted out of the "Health Food Inspection" fee.

D) The U.S. Army has disbanded all artillary units, because too many citizens "Opted Out" of the "Shell Fire" protection fee.

E) It was announced to day that the most secure job in America is now "Option Out Checker - the person who keeps track of which services people have opted out of

F) Cholera has broken out again amongst the citizens of Muffreesboro, Ten. many of whom have "Opted Out" of the Health Department Protection fee.

G) Thirty-five people in Lexington, Kentucky, represented by the Herman Blanch law firm, declared bankruptcy today because they had "Opted Out" of the "Law School Licensing" fee.

H) USA today reports that people who opt out of their "Sewage Tansport fee have life spans 1/2 of what people who did, do,

I) The state of Montana has instituted a new "Stuff you had not idea could kill you" fee.

J) The small town of Tea Party, Texas, with the lowest taxes in the nation, was disolved today after the last two citizens died in a head-on collision. Both had "Opted Out" of the "Stop Sign Erection" fee.

K) An Alabama legislator has suggested an optional program for "know-it all's who lack enough imagination to realize they are idiots" fee of $1 million.

L) The "Playing with Matches" fee was paid by 97% of the residents of Flash Fire, Arizona. It was not enough.

M) Websters announced today the term "Tax Payer" is being dropped from the dictionary. Uses are urged to instead use the term "Sucker".

N) For the third year in a row, the most often used term in government documents was again, "What you don't know could kill you."

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2010

When Nicandra Diaz-Santillan, asked her boss, California Republican candidate Meg Whitman, for help getting an immigration attorney “Ms. Whitman just laughed and turn her face to one side….Dr. Harsh was very angry and said, "I told you, I told you she was going to bring us problems!” If this drama were an Alfred Hitchcock movie, which one would it be?


A) Easy Virtue (1928)

B) Blackmail (1929)

C) Rich and Strange (1931)

D) The Lady Vanishes (1938)

E) Suspicion (1941)

F) Saboteur (1942)

G) Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

H) Spellbound (1945)

I) Notorious (1946)

J) I Confess (1953)

K) Psycho (1960)

L) The Birds (1963)

M) Family Plot (1976)

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2010

Carl Paladino, Republican-Tea Candidate for governor, has now admitted he has no evidence Democrat opponent had extra-marital affairs. "It's not that I was accusing him." Paladino's new campaign song should be....


A) "I'm Sorry" - Patsy Cline

B) "Still Crazy After All These Years" - Paul Simon

C) "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" Napoleon IV

D) "Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" Elton John

E) "The Thorazine Shuffle" - Savatage

F) "Kung Fu Fighting" - Carl Douglas

G) "I'm So Angry" - Alice Cooper

H) "Make the World Go Away." -Eddy Arnold

I) "Liar, Liar" - The Castaways

J) "Just Dropped in to See What Condition My Condition Was In" - Mickey Newbury

K) "Lost Control" - Grinspoon

L) "I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!" - Merle Haggard

M) "19th Nervous Breakdown" - The Rolling Stones

N) "I Put A Spell On You" - Creedence Clearwater Revival

0) "Stupid" - Frustrators

SEPTEMBER 29, 2010

Since Sarah Palin was "not" booed by the Dancing With the Stars audience, she might be a guest next season. What tune would you suggest she dance to?


A) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

B) Great Balls Of Fire

C) Voodoo Child

D) Crazy Woman

E) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

F) Killing Me Softly with Her Song

G) The Thrill Is Gone

H) I Can See For Miles

I) Do Ya Think I'm Sexy

J) I Put a Spell on You

K) Monkey Gone to Heaven

L) Ain't That A Shame

M) Super Freak

N) There's Something Mighty Peculiar Goin' On

O) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2010

Christine O'Donnell says that evolution is a myth and asks "why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?" The second best arguement against evolution is,,,


A) Christine O'Donnell

B) That people who don't believe in evolution are proof that evolution is a myth.

C) Why would they want to? If they want to smoke cigarettes, drink beer or drive little cars all they have to do is wear a tu-tu and twirl in a circle.

D) The theory of Evolution is a public relations campaign by the University Industrial complex.

E) Ashton Kutcher

F) Liz Cheney

G) Dick Cheney

H) Have you talked to a Democratic Congressman or Senator lately? What evolution?

I) Most Tea Party members have opposable thumbs, and yet...

J) There are lots of kinds of monkeys. Some ARE evolving, The others are Republicans.

K) If Evolution is real then people have been going behind bushes to pee for a million years. There should be a heck of mess over there. Where is it?

L) Fred Flintstone - People in dinosaur ages had the same sense of humor as people today

M) George Bush, Senior - George Bush Junior; what evolution?

N) The entire Tea Party movement. What evolution?

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

If you had to reduce the new GOP "Pledge" to a single simple sentence, it would most likely be..."


A) "Reality is a thing of the past.".

B) We won't do it again.

C) For internal consumption only.

D) This time we really mean it.

E) Prest-oh -Change-oh, and the deficit is gone!

F) Gentlemen! We have to protect out phoney-baloney jobs.

G) Dogs and pony shows are always popular!

H) Pay No attention to the man behind the curtain! The Great Oz has spoken!

I) What we have here is a failure to communicate.

J) What if when you woke up, you didn't know the difference between the dream world, and the real world?

K) Repeat after me: I,.your name...(Schmucks).... do pledge allegiance..to Hedley Lamarr.

M) Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life

N) Look, we are all reasonable men here. We don't have to give assurances as if we were lawyers

O) Take your army to the Haunted Forest and bring me that girl and her dog

P) "Hey, wake up and go to sleep" - Moe Howard

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2010

A Fox News Poll shows 60% of Deleware voters say Christine O'Donnell is not qualified to be a Senator. What do we know about the remaining 40%?


A) 100% of them are idiots.

B) 65% of them also think Obama is a gay Muslim socialist commie from a black neighborhood in Kenya.

C) 80% of them believe Walt Disney is part of the liberal Hollywood media

D) 15% of them believe in pixies. And not in a good way.

E) 75% of them would have opposed the original Tea Party.

F) One out of every three O'Donnell supporters think psychology is devil science.

G) The other two think the first one's views should receive equal time in public schools

H) 37% think the Bill of Rights is "liberal".

I) 90% have been so screwed by the past 50 years of Republican scapegoating, they have no idea what side is up anymore.

J) 10% of them are just plain looney.

K) 1% of them are Muslims, proving that self hatred is non-deonminational and non-partisan.

L) 4% also believe that Rumplestilkson could spin straw into gold.

M) 12% believe their parents should have gotten divorced.

N) 24% believe their divorced parents will eventually get back together.

P) 14% actually believe that Christine O'Donnell is actually smart.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2010

Ex-Governor Sarah Palin said, "(It) Wouldn't be prudent of me to get into a tussle with Karl Rove ... But, what the heck, let's go ahead and do it" What should the Media label this epic battle?


A) The Brain V The Broad.

B) Limbo Lash Out - How Low Can You Go?

C) Dumb and Dumber-er.

D) Stupid is as Stupid Does More

E) The Weasel V The Wing Nut.

F) Dirty Rotten Scoundrals Two.

G) Turd Blossum V Queen Turd.

H) Beyond Truth, Beyond Reason.

I) Logic on its Head. Ignorance on its Ass.

J) The Hockey Mom V The Hockey Puck.

K) Momma Grizzley V Porky Pig.

L) The Twlight Zome II - Vampires sucking the Lifelessness Out of Each Other. The winner will Still be Dead.

M) How will the Democrats Find A Way To Lose This?

N) The War Against Brains.

O) When Cannibals Attack!

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2010

FOX NEWS filed suit filed Wednesday in Kansas City, Mo. against Democratic candidate Robin Carnahan. What is the most outragous part of their suit?


A) Describing Chris Wallace as "...one of the nation’s most respected political journalists"

B) Fox News insisting that Chris Wallace has “a stellar reputation”. He works for Fox. He thus automatically has a reputation as a whore!

C) The very idea that Fox material can be copywrited. Like all dog poop, once you've left it on the curb it is no longer your property.

D) The idiotic idea that despite this suite FOX is a still a news gathering organization.

F) Fox caliing an ad that merely quotes a Republican Senator's public record a "smear".

G) That Fox is outraged by a Democrat's ad, but not because Republican Roy Blunt got half a million dollars from Jack Abramoff.

H) Suiits like this are usually an attempt to recover lost revenue. If they win will Fox demand that Carnahan repay the pork that Blunt would have thrown their way?

J) That they are not suing over the acuracy of the ad. Merely becaj\use it makes a Republican look bad.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

A N.J. butcher said of Lady Gaga's meat dress at the MTV awards, "It's cheaper cuts, not including her." What exactly was she trying to say?


A) I have nothing left to say.

B) Well, nobody wants to see my who-who anymore.

C) She was going to wear something to comment on the ground zero adjacent mosque, but she couldn't think of anythng.

D) I saw it hanging in the butcher shop window and just had to have it.

E) Dead meat. Much like her future in music.

F) Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

G) She is changing her name to Lady Gag-gag.

H) She has a voice like an angel. And a brain like a toadstool.

I) It is time for my Lithium pill!

J) She's iin this for the gravy.

K) She was undercooked, and yet burnt out.

M) Some mashed potatoes as a bola would look nice.

N) Me, me, me, me, me. Dead cow. Me, me, me, me, me. Dead Cow. Me, me, me,,me, me. Dead cow.

O) This is just the next step after bulimia.

P) She wants a dog.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2010

What will be the most succesful strategy for Democratic candidates this November?


A) Democarts? What Democrats? An't nobody here but us chickens.

B) Tax cut and Spend Republicans! Unlike us Democrats.

C) The Goldilocks approach to job creation. Not too much, and not too soon.

D) Fueling recovery the tried and true George Bush way - tax cuts for the rich

F) Dino-spar-us; Democrats In Name Only hoping for recovery with low ball spending programs.

G) The "Ass" approach to economics. Covering your ass from attacks from the right, by ignoring the left. They don't bite.

H) Infistructure, binfistructer. We build bridges to our own job security

I) Safest course in a storm is to stay in port. Isn't that why you elected us?

J) Believe in American and Americans. Invest in the American worker. Invest in the American future. Starting with American polticians. Ending there too.

K) The John McCain school of poltics. We will stand for anything you tell us to stand for.

L) Courage. The willingness to discuss what must be done, the strength to choose one course, and the determination to follow it through, no matter where the bankers tell us it should go.

M) Follow the Republcian meathod. Lie like a rug. Scare everybody about everything. And when they show you the video tape, deny its you.

N) I was in a coma.

0) The "Cops" appraoch. Somebody loaned me the car. It ain't my dope. It ain't my gun. Somebody said I could take the beer.

P) I'll do better next time.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2010

Ex-Governor Sarah Palin and Fox News personality Glenn Beck will commemorate 9/11 with "patriots". What's next for this "mega-pair"?


A) Issue an joint album, "Songs of the Black Helicopter Conspiracy"

B) Appear as a couple on "Dancing With The Demi-Gods".

C) Check kiting.

D) Open a training camp to prepare operatives in response to al Qada - al Wack-o.

E) Re-nationalized all real Americans and de-naturlizeding all suspect Americans (i.e. Democrats),

F) Start the "Beck and Call" investment club. They promise to double your investment every 90 days, just don't call them.

G) A chain of Sarah Palin make-over salons. They will dye your hair and wash your brain

H) The Sarah Palin Corrispondents School - learn to speak gooderized English.

I) Glen Beck Cosmology; The naval of the universe is in Gleen's butt. This is inductive reasoning. Lesson Two - de-duck live reasoning. Glen thinks his naval is an orange.

J) The Mega-Culinary school, in which all eggs are cracked, and are seperated according to their polticial correctness.

K) Selling Aluminum siding, door to door.

L) Spot-a-traitor-glasses. A pair of these powerful glasses can be yours for just $49.95. And $30 for shipping an handling.

M) The The "Sarah Palin Wants to Be President" game, in which the winner passes' go' and collects a million dollars and yet never actually runs for President

N) Glenn and Sarah vow to in bed until a war is declared somewhere. Or until they raise a million dollars.

O) The Gleen Beck-Sarah Palin amusment park. All the rides go in circles, make you want to vomit, and you always end up in the House of Horror.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2010

Rev. Terry Jones at the "Dove World Outreach Center" in Gainesville, Fla. has received more than 100 death threats and has started wearing a .40-caliber pistol strapped to his hip, but said he was still planning to go ahead with his plan to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11. What else should Rev. Jones plan on doing?


A) Get a clue.

B) Invite Newt Gingrich to lunch. And then eat him.

C) Apologise to every soldiers' widow and orphans.

D) Watch more Fox News.

E) Explain why he canceled his "French Kiss a Nun Day".

F) Rethink his "Spit on a Jew" luncheon

G) Go back to condeming McDonalds for staying open on Sundays, for publicity.

H) Graduate from high school.

I) Become a Fox News special corraspondant on religious sensitivity.

J) Really celbrate the Prince of Peace by replacing his pistol with an uzi.

K) How about "Mock a Menatally Challenged Kid Day?

L) Write a love note to Sara Palin.

M) Pick up his degree from Glen Beck University.

N) Go back to self mutilation for attention.

0) Change the name of his church to the "Dove Fuck Reaching out to the World Center"

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2010

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says, "I don't believe that things come out in proper context in an adversarial atmosphere," So what will she be doing for the next two months with all the time she saves not debating her opponent?


A) Searching for headless corpse in the desert.

B) Beheading copses in the desert.

C) Tending to her collection of desert heads

D) Burning witches.

E) Just feeling evill.

F) Re-counting her wrinkle collection

G) Showing pearls to pigs.

H) Negotiating the sale of her soul to the highest bidder

I) Googling her new address in Hell.

J) Throwing kitties in trash cans.

K) Working on her new campaign ad; "Finish the dang private prison"

L) Appearing in the new Arizona Tourist Ads; "Come see our headless desert!".

M) Appearing on Dancing with the Stars. (Even if they aren't stars, and they can't dance!)

N) Pressing her KKK robes.

O) Tending to her face book page.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2010

Arizona governor Jan Brewer says, "Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded," What else has Arizona law enforcement found in the desert?


A) Jan Brewer's brain, all shrivled up by the heat.

B) "Joe" Arpaio's soul, which wandered off into the desert in a vain search of a press release.

C) Jan Brewer's sense of decency, left out there to die like a Las Vegas card shark.

D) An untold number of inmates in CCA prisions, sacrificed for a campaign contribution from CAA..

E) Jan Brewer's Nevada birth certificate.

F) The teacher who failed Jan Brewer in High School Spanish

G) Jan Brewer's membership in the Phoenix chapter of Biigoted Insenative Tyrantical soul Consuming Helleons.

H) Jan Brewer's heart, tiny as it was to begin with.

I) The Constitution of the United States.

J) The 800 life partners Jan threw off Arizona's health insurance program

K) Barry Goldwater's spinning corpse.

L) Jan Brewers KKK hood. (it has her name stiched in the head band)

M) The bodies of all the people she has trambled over to get where she is.

N) Price tag of Jan Brewer's soul. You know its hers because it was marked down so many times.

O) John McCain's soul.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2010

Faced with negative publicty, Charles and David Koch, owners of Koch Industries, the second largest privatly held company in America ($98 billion yr) and founders of "Americans for Prosperity" a right wing political slush fund that fuels the Tea Party, need a new company logo. What would you suggest?


A) Everything goes better with Koch.

B) A nickle is a terrible thing to waste.

C) Between money and madness lies Koch.

D) Have it our way.Or else.

E) Home of the Whopper.

F) Melts in our pocket, not in your hands

G) Koch. The Only White Meat

H) Sometimes you feel like a nut, if you know whats good for you.

I) We drink all we can. The rest of you can suck air for it..

J) With a name like Koch, ..we tell you what is good.

K) You got bullshit poltics in my sicence! You got bullshit science in my poltiics. And we can live with that.

L) Nothing outlasts the Koch brothers. They keep lying and lying and lying.

M) We take a licking and keep on kicking.

N) Every poltiical screwjob begins with Koch.

O) When it absolutely, positively has to be a screwjob on the midle class.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 29, 2010

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) held her own rally on Saturday, at which she said, "We're not going let anyone get away with saying there were less than a million here today because we were witnesses." What was the theme of her rally?


A) We're not going let anyone get away

B) There were less than a million wittnesses

C) We were witnesses to Michele's ego

D) The'Still Crazy After All These Years' Tour

E) The Only Candidate with Lithium as a Campaign plank.

F) Trairtors, UFOs, and Pink Elephants, all wrapped up in an American Flag.

G) When they came for the aliens, I was silent, When the came for the sane people, I was silent. When they came for the crazies, there was no one to defend me, exept Bob who lives in my purse. And nobody can hear him but me.

H) Big Teeth are NOT a sign of insanity.

I) Michele Bachmann has a pissing contest with Glenn Beck, and only Ameirca gets wet.

J) The "I have a dream in which little white children are guarded by pumpkin men" speech

K) A cry for help.

L) The Me, Me, Me Rally.

M) The "I have a Speech" dream.

N) Dumb and Dumber rally. 

O) The Blather, Blather, Blather Rally.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 27, 2010

The Strongest Reason Republicans Will Win in the Fall is...


A) Democratic Politicians are too rational

B) Democratic Politicians are too timid.

C) Democratic Politicians are still Hoping for a compromise.

D) Democartic Politicians are too "Middle of the Road."

E) Democartic polticians are not standing up for Liberal policies

F) Democartic polticians are not willing to sacrifice thier principles for victory.

G) Democartic politicians are proving to be just not very bright.

H) Democratic Politicians are have no leader.

I) Republcian Politicains have no morals.

J) Republican Polticians are falling in line behind Sara Barracuda..

K) Republican Politicians are willing to start World War Three in the name of electorial victory.

L) Republican Politicians are shameless media whores.

N) Fox News.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 25, 2010

What Headline Should the Press be Using to Describe this Morning Ater the Primaries


A) Mainstream Press Lays Yet another Infected Egg.

B) Tea Party leaves moderate Republicans with fever, vomiting and diarrea.

C) Strange bird named John McCain Wins Arizona Primary. Denies eggs falling out of his butt are his.

D) CNN political reporters cracked, not hard boiled; Why are they such yokes?

E) Big Winner of the Night - Candidate Saul Manella demands fewer regulations at FDA.

F) Republican Talking Points egg on Dick Gregory's clucking on Meet the Nest.

G) Rube Paul shell shocked with egg all over his face after daddy Ron pecks holes in his egg-gadurated mosque nest mess.

H) Is Mother Hen Sara Palin's politicial impact ovum blown?

I) Chicken Little Glenn Beak, clucks over falling sky, crows at fryers dinner, "I have a Kentucky Fried Dream".

J) Sharon Angle beaks early. Says chicken or egg not the issue. Chicks are hens from the moment of infection, not big government inspection

K) Fox News still in the Hen House. "We are here to protect mother flockers from anchor pullets, suicide roosters and Islama-Hawks."

L) Top Rooster Rush Limbaugh proves over stuffed Oxy-moron bird brain, missies his own wake up call.

M) Micheal Steele in the soup. Uses his noodle and blames vegitarians for outbreak. "If they were eating chickens, there would be fewer infected eggs."

N) RNC shells for banks, has head up its own ovum.

O) Tea Party is an egg plant, a shell party to give the media something to cluck about.

SUNDAY AUGUST 22, 2010

In an attempt to get one news cycle ahead of the GOP, what would you guess will be their next hysterical end-of-the-world wedge issue to replace the Ground-Zero-adjacent Mosque for the right-wing-adjacent taking heads at CNN?


A) Rod Blagojevich plans on sneaking contraband drugs into jail under his wig, once he is sentenced.

B) Anchor trophy wives for Rush Limbaugh are a plot for him to get perscriptions in her name.

C) Liberals are blackmailing Target for exercising their Supreme Court given right to treat customers and staff like mushrooms. (i.e. keep them in the dark and feed them shit.)

D) Toy balloons are a secret plot to get children familar with condums.

E) Michele Obama is too butch and part of Muslim plot to "un-feminize" American women

F) Democrats have a secret anti-beer program. They also want to replace hard liquor with weed and tobacco with cocaine.

G) The guy next door is plotting to steal your newspaper, marry your daughter, molest your son and sign you up for a subscrption to "Modern Bride" magazinel.

H) Catholic churches are secret centers of papal indoctrination.

I) The Boy Scouts are the Morman "Hitler Youth".

J) White lines on the highway are a U.N. tracking system.

K) Public Sewage projects are socialized government intrusion and a way to keep track of what you eat.

L) Fish are spies.

M) CNN is the Fox News Bitch.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 20, 2010

WHAT IS THE BEST EVIDENCE THAT OBAMA IS A SECRET MUSLIM?


A) Sara Palin thinks that he is. Well, she doesn't actually "think". But she suspects she thinks that he is.

B) He has not cheated on his wife like all those "Christian" politicians.

C) Because the Right is willing to believe that George Bush knocked himself out while watching football on TV alone, but not that Obama is a Christian.

D) Because Glenn Beck charted it all out on his blackboard. Or it was a diagram of a toliet on a submarine. But he said iit was the Muslim thing

E) Because Obama lacks the wide stance of any native born Christain politician.

F) His dog looks alien. I mean, Kneau Reeves alien.

G) Prostitutes. Where are the David Vitter prostitutes?

H) His entire concpet of polticis is alien to the right wing. No hate, no fear marketing, no war mongering. This guy is just weird

I) Because the Australian guy who lives in England and owns all that America media, is making a profit by saying Obama is an alien Muslim.

J) "No body ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American Public" P.T. Barnum

K) Either everybody on the right is wrong, or....No, Obama must be an alien Musim.

L) Because no real American would ever be a Muslim. Like Mohammad Ali, - I mean Cassius Clay.

M) Because Rush Limbaugh never lies. Unless he wants needs more Oxycontin ,or wants to cheat on another wife.

N) Because Sara Palin can't fit the Bill of Rights on a Twit.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2010

FOX NEWS' NEW TAG LINE TO REPLACE "FAIR AND BALANCE" SHOLD BE...?


A) Greedy and Power Mad.

B) As Fair as Old Joe Stalin. As Balanced as Timothy McVeigh.

C) We Lie to Everybody.

D) Capitalism, si. Democracy, non

E) Follow the Money.

F) Proving Liberal Conspiracy Freaks Right for ten years!

G) There is no "too far" in politics.

H) Politics is capitalism by other means.

I) News from the people you want to believe.

J) New and Opinion, equals New-Pinion.

K) We folliow the business model of George Orwell.

M) Eat this shit, Howard Kurtz, and smile,

N) Hey, you bought Kieth Oberman was the same as Bil O'Reilly. Why won't you swallow this?

O) Miight makes right. Far right.

P) Aren't you dieing to hear Neal Cavuto explain this one?

SUNDAY AUGUST 15, 2010

PICK YOUR LEAST FAVORITE TERROR BABY NAME (And Its Meaning).


A) Louie (Gohmert) - A Native American gomer loser.

B) Sara (Palin) -. Bluntly Stupid.

C) Sharon (Angle) - psychotic overbite

D) Glenn (Beck) - A flat open space between between tall trees, filled with big nasty bugs eating each other.

E) Laura (Schlessinger) - A shrill song bird.

F) John (Boehner) - An overly tanned animal hide.

G) Jack (Cafferty) - Unpleasant..

 H) Greta (Van Susteren) - Mask of Complacency.

I) Snooki - destined to be drunk,

J) Naomi (Cambell) - Ugly to the core.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 2010

Rep. Timothy Horrigan (N.H. D) wrote on his Facebook page the "a dead Palin is more dangerous than a live one," In what way could this be true?


A) Cutting off zombie Palin's head would have no effect. She never uses her brain.

B) Her incoherent ramblings could be edited into an actual coherent poltiical message.

C) Her left hand could be removed, and could deliver messages and positions quickly, without the delay of having to be read by that idiot brain of her's.

D) Zombie Palin would be so much smarter than real Palin.

E) It's too late. She is already Zombie Palin. Has been for years.

F) Zombie Palin has a sense of hurmor, Living Palin does not.

G) Todd is the real brains here. Imagine what he could do if he were free to marry Ann Coulter?

H) Zombie Palin would make just as much sense as Living Palin, And for much longer.

I) She would not be. Zombies wander about in search of brains. Palin has never showed the slightest interest in brains.

J) Zombie Palin could be President by simplly eating the brains of her Republican competitors. Oh, wait. She already did that.

K) Zombie Palin would win the undead, securing Florida's electorial votes for Republicans.

L) Living Palin says something stupid like "I can see Russia from my house." All Zombies can say is "grrrr, grrrrr,." and "brains."  Right there, she sounds smarter.

M) Zombie Palin is not nearly as scary as Living Palin. Zombie Palin would eat your brain. Living Palin would destroy your soul, living the brain so you would feel each agonizing insult to your intelligence.

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 11, 2010

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs has said that "crazy" liberals "wouldn’t be satisfied if Dennis Kucinich was president.” What would be the first thing you would expect from a Kucinich administration?


A)  Wild insane giggling for several days.

B) Ending the "You have to be this tall for this ride" restrictions on Air Force One.

C) Restoring food stamps for the poor, and the grocery store chains, and the Ag Corperations.

D) Investigating John Boehner's connections to the tanning industry.

E) Having songwriter Randy Neuman deported under the Patriot Act.

F) Rezoning Cleveland as a National Park, and the residents as Endangered Species.

G) Cutting the "no brain party of no" down to size. His size. And then beating the tar out of them.

H) Issuing an order of protection for Elizabeth Kucinich against Silvio Berlusconi and Nicolas Sarkozy.

I) Establishing a "Public Option" for members of Congress, which would require them to listen to the public as often as to the corporations.

J) Establisning "Don't Tax, Don't Spell", allowing gay members of the military to pay a tax to avoid spelling tests, because that makes as much sense as "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

K) Short men would suddenly be seen as very sexy.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 10, 2010

My Favorite Flight Attendent


From the New York Daily News - August 10, 2010
By Alison Gendar, Oren Yaniv and Dave Goldiner

"A JetBlue flight attendant blew his top, grabbed some beer and bolted out an emergency slide at Kennedy Airport Monday...After he was bonked in the head by a bag...As the flight from Pittsburgh pulled up to the gate about noon...(he grabbed the intercom and announced) "To the f-----g a--hole who told me to f--k off, it's been a good 28 years," Slater, 38, purred, cops said. "I've had it. That's it..."

"The mad-as-hell steward grabbed a couple of brewskis and popped one open before activating the emergency exit...After tossing his two carry-on bags on the slide, he followed them to the tarmac....said passenger Phil Catelinet, 36, of Brooklyn..."He seemed kind of happy about it."

He apparently reached his breaking point on Flight 1052 when a passenger tried to get a bag from the overhead compartment and it clocked Slater on the head, cops said...(When he asked for an apology) the passenger cursed at Slater...Slater was wearing a sheepish smile when Port Authority detectives walked him to a waiting van (from his home) a few hours later. He was charged with reckless endangerment and criminal mischief."

Okay, who do you think was the person who refused to say she was sorry for hitting Steven in the head?

A) Sara Palin. At first glance she thought he was Levi. Or maybe Todd.

B) Susan Angle. She did not give him permission to question her.

C) Naomi Campbell. She thought the attendent might have been that blabber mouth Mia Farrow.

D) Nicole 'Snooki' (. I was a public nuisance — big deal!")Polizzi. She thought Steven was another one of those jerks from Access Hollywood. Or the National Endowement for the Arts.

E) Meg Whitman. What's the big deal? She thought the flight attendant worked for her.

F) Carly Fiorna. She thought Steven was wearing a wire.

G) Blanche Lincoln. She thought the guy wanted to ask about the public option.

H) Gretchen Carlson. She mistook Steven for a Fox News Executive.

I) Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Because she saw a "desperacy" in his eyes.

J) Ann ("Christ died for my sins and nothing else matters) Coulter. She was just publicing yet another book.

K) Michele Bachmann. She needs a reason? Okay, she thought he was plotting to invade the earth.

M) Michelle Malkin. She thought he was that darn Jamil Hussein impersonator again.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 8, 2010

Recently, Glenn Beck described the Obama Administration as follows: “What planet have I landed on? Did I slip through a worm hole in the middle of the night and this looks like America? It's like the damn “Planet of the Apes”. Nothing makes sense! “What movie do you think best describes Glen Beck’s universe?


A) Attack of the Crab Monsters …1957  "Once they were men. Now they are land crabs."

B) Glen or Glenda (1953) "I can't make sense to myself sometimes."

C) Howard The Duck (1986)  "It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!"

D) Troll 2 (1990) "Do you see this writing...? Do you know what it means...?"

E) Battlefield Earth (2000) "Stupid humans"

F) House of the Dead (2003) "“These are zombies, pure and simple."

G) The Man With Two Brains (1987) "I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people."

H) The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (1963) “Oh, come on now, Doris. Do I look like a maniac who goes around killing girls?”

I) THE LIFE OF BRIAN (1979) “How shall we fuck off, O Lord?”

J) DESPICABLE ME (2010) “Aargh! Curse you, tiny toilet!”

K) DUCK SOUP (1933) “Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot."

L) A FACE IN THE CROWD (1957) “I'm not just an entertainer. I'm an influence, a wielder of opinion, a force... a force!”

M) ALIEN (1979) “Whenever he says anything you say "right," Brett, you know that?”  "Right."

N) The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965) “When I ask "Who's there", why do you answer "Me"? “It WAS me, Peter.”

O) Night of the Creeps (1986) “You sonuva bitch. I already killed you.”

FRIDAY, AUGUST 6, 2010

Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron Angle says that the actions of the Federal government are a “violation of the First Commandment” . Which do you consider your favorite (first) commandment in the Sharon Angle list?


A) I am the lord thy Sharon Angle who brought you out of the land of sanity. Thou shalt have no loonies before me.

B) Thou shalt not make for yourself an Obama who speaks sanity. For I am a jealous paranoid, punishing the unemployed to the third or fourth extension of their umemployement benefits, because their very existence is inconvienent to my insanity.

C) But showing stedfast love of Sharon Agnle will make her happy unto the sixth generation of her manic phase.

D) Thou shalt not take the name of Sharon Angle in vain, or ask her troublesome questions or bring up troublesome statements she made in her depressive stage.

C) Observe the day of Sharon Angle’s birth and ask not questions that might give away her age.

D) For six days you will labor without the onerous burden of minimum wage. But on the seventh day you shall have no job and no unemployement you lazy shiftless Democratic piece of trash.

E) Honor Sharon Angle’s father and mother. And know that they pampered her, because they knew she was chosen by God to be a Senator becasuse. Lo, her feces held no stink.

F) Thou shalt not kill, unless we are talking about an abortion doctor, or a convicted murder, because God would never allow a prosecutor and jury and judge to make a mistake, because a valid appeal would distupt the life of Sharon Angle.

G) Nobody shall ever committ adultry. Ever. Because I am Sharon Angle and I will not tolerate anyone questioning Sharon Angles’ values, particularly Sharon Angle.

H) You shall not steal from Sharon Angle.

I) You shall not bear false wittness against Sharon Angle. Or embarrising witness.

J) You shall all covet Sharon Angle’s beauty and smarts. But nobody else’s.

K) You shall not question Sharon Angle's sanity. For, Lo, she shall become the new standard for sanity and beauty. And height.

L) Woe be to those who anger Sharon Angle, for she shall smite you and your tea bags shall wither.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2010

Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell told “The Hill”, that the 14th Amendment should be reviewed. Over the last twenty years, which constitutional amendments has congress not sought to rewrite? (http://www.usconstitution.net/constamprop.html)


A) The 8th : to prohibit jail time for traffic offenses

B) The 16th: to prohibit income taxes.

C) The 22nd.: to remove the two term limits on Presidential service

D) The 2nd; to ban the private ownership of firearms

E) The 26th: to allow 16 year olds to vote.

F) The 3rd: to allow soldiers to be quartered in any house.

G) The 13th to allow “involuntary servitude” for personal bankruptcy.

H) The 19th; To allow the right to vote to be denied in cases of homosexuality.

I) The 24th; To deny the right to vote because of unpaid taxes

SUNDAY, AUGUST 1, 2010

Glen Beck said yesterday, ""I expose the Tides Foundation and show you what it is, and I am now responsible for terrorists attacks?" This statement is proof that Glen is...?


A) Out of his fucking mind.

B) As looney as Byron Williams, who, armed with a high-powered rifle, a shotgun, a handgun and body armor, opened fire on police, on his way to attack the Tide Foundation,

C) The perfect Fox star; a disposable lighter.

D) Actuallly a performance artist playing a paranoid psychoitic just for laughs.

E) A long time bed wetter.

F) An eventual suicide.

G) Losing his grip on reality since "Days of Our Lives" was cancelled.

H) A lonely, lonely man.

I) The biggest loon on the right since Richard Nixon.

J) Dependant for his medication from Roger Ailes.

K) Claiming credit for Byron Williams actions, in case anybody missed the story.

L) a drooler.

M) A classic Fruedian case of penis envy.

N) One really rich really crazy man

FRIDAY, JULY 30, 2010

According to hate-filled crone Phyllis Schlafly " 70% of unmarried women, voted for Obama,,,because when you kick your husband out, you've got to have big brother government to be your provider," This indicatest that Phyliss is..."


A) A hate-filled crone.

B) In need of money.

C) Not one whit smarter than she was thirty years ago.

D) A dried up hate filled old crone.

E) Bitter, bent and bonkers.

F) Going straight to hell.

G) Missing the good old days of menopause.

H) A typical Republican, with nothing to offer America but hate, fear and mean and nasty women.

I) Envious of all the sex guiltless Democrats are getting.

J) Irrelevent.

K) One of God's little jokes.

L) Rush Limbaugh with ovaries. And three hundred pounds.

M) Still smarter than Sara Palin.

N) At least the anti-feminist. At most the anti-Christ.

O) Who was she again?

WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, 2010

Rod Blagojevich's lawyer says he is a 'Silly' victim. The Feds say he is a scheming crook. What is your assesment of Rod's intellegence level?


A) Stone cold stupid. I'm amazed he can tie his shoes.

B) Mr. Gumby with a puiffy hair.

C) How smart does a politician have to be to get caught? He's an idiot.

D) Vulgar, crude, and clumsy. But that don't make him stupid. It makes him "most likely to succeed" in high school.

E) He was at least as smart as Victoria Jackson.

F) As smart as Senator Mitch McConnel, wearing a joy buzzer and a rubber nose.

G) Smart as a heart attack. Crafty as a kidney stone. As functional as an erectile malfunction.

H) He's smarter than John McCain. Rod has always known he was scum. John can't decide.

I) He is a genius. He could have been just another governor of a tiny midwestern state. Instead he is famous.

J) How smart do you want your crooks to be? Smarter than him? I thank God he's an idiot.

K) I figure he intended in getting caught, so he would be removed as governor, which free's him up run for President. Genius.

L) He's the Wiley Coyote of Illinois. Super Genius.

SUNDAY, JULY 25, 2010

Rep. Michele Bachmann promises if Republicans take the House in November, to hold one "hearing after another". What do you think will be the first investigation?



A) Is there a secret plot to steal Michele's psychiatric records?

B) Who funded the Democratic plot to improve health Care for all Americans?l

C) Why did Revelon stop producing their "Lunatic Red" lip gloss?

D) Are there any limits to the supidity and guilibility of Minnesota voters?

E) Should opposition to the Tea Party be the new defiintion of traitor?

F) How nice a guy was Joe McCarthy? And who spread rumors that he was an alcoholic?

G) Why are the commies trying to entice Michele eat chocolate cake when they know it makes her break out?

H) Why has no one ever nominated Michele for a Nobel Peace Prize?

I) Does Rush Limbaugh think Michele Bachmann is sexy?

J) Is some secret evil organzation planting spiders in Michele's house at night?

K) Why did the doctors change Michele's medication?

L) Why has Michele been going through menopause for the last eight years?

M) Are the Little People siding with the blacks to oppose Michele's dream for an America that thinks just like her?

N) Why is there an Intelligence test, but no way to quanitify stupidiy?

O) Why has no voter from Michele's district ever graduated from High School?

FRIDAY, JULY 23, 2010

Andrew Breitbart told Politico, "I'm public enemy Number one or two...This is not about me...I am being held to a higher stanadard", What standard is he speaking off?


A) The Neo-Nazi standard. He is not a Hitler. He's more of a mini-Goebbles.

B) The pampered self centered American jackass standard. Some children just should be spanked.

C) The Momma's Boy standard. His poop does not stink.

D) The whinny baby standard. How dare you pick on me.

E) The Jerk Standard. He's just a jerk.

F) The bully standard. Hey, I broke a finger nail when I gounged out your eye. You should say you are sorry.

G) The "Pussy" Standard. I just wanted you to notice me. I didn't want you to pick on me.

H) The idiot standard. You mean if I get you fired, that hurts?

I) The Freudian Standard. He is still angry his mommy did not marry him,

J) The Republican Standard. Hey, being a Republican, nothing I do is bad.

K) The Knee-Jerk Standard. From his knees to his head, he is a jerk. But his feet are okay.

L) The Fox News Standard. Ooops, We said we were sorry in the last news cycle.

M) The Barak Obama Standard. We fight for nothing. So, go ahead and pick on us.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 2010

The Dumberists Headline for the day is/was...?


A) Is Haiti Ready for Hurricane Season? (Time Magazine.)

B) How Facebook Can ruin Your Life. (Newsweek)

C) Russian Spy Says Nyet to Porn Career. (TMZ)

D) Things You Should Never Buy Used. (U.S. News and World Reports.)

E) Ground Zero mosque: Why there? (CNN)

F) Cop Quits After Leaving Beat for Midget Porn Star. (Fox News)

G) Stimulating Unemployment- If You Can't Create Jobs, Pay People Not to Work. (Wall Street Journal)

H) Report: Journalists Plotted to Protect Obama. (Fox News)

I) Pols Told to be Wary of Female Lobbyists (New York Post)

J) Fiorina shifts on jobless bill, says she would 'probably' break with GOP. (L.A. TImes)

K) Mayor puts foot down on boot fundraiser. (Anchorage Daily News)

L) Beck says he's facing blindness (Chicago Sun Times)

M) BP official: Problems with drilling rig went unfixed before explosion. (Chicago Tribune)

N) Morgue sex prompts families' suit . (Cincinntt Enquiror)

SUNDAY, JULY 18, 2010

House Minority Leader John Boehner has called for a moratorium on new Federal Regulation, except for "emergencies". What is most likely to qualify as an an ermergency for the G.O.P?


A) If Bankers started chocking on "low salt" caviar.

B) If Oil Company C.E.O.'s started catching the flu from small poor children.

C) If it were proved that tanning beds could give you skin cancer. Oh, wait....

D) If Coal companies discovered they could make another penny per ton by taking away workers hard hats.

E) If it were possible to develope a tax in support of politically impared politicians..

F) If Aliens should land in a small southern town and start handing out gold and diamonds, which they consider insustrial waste. This would require a new regulation labeling gold as a toxic heavy metal, to be kept only by "responsible" citiznes - Republicans.

G) If it became popular to hunt Republicans, then guns would be illegal.

H) If Mel Gibson started making movies again, he would have to be arrested.

I) If the CEO's of Health Insurance Companies developed an alergy to the ink in the currency they roll around in every night.

J) If golf balls became rare, then it would have to be illegal to play putt-putt, because of all the balls lost in the windmills.

K) Simple - a new federal regulation would make emergencies illegal.

FRIDAY, JULY 16, 2010

According to the NYPost, Mayor Micheal Bloomberg spent $109.2 million to win a third term. His Dem opponent spent $9.4 mill. and lost by 5 pts. What does this prove?


A) That sophisticated New Yorkers can be distracted by repitition, just like everybody else.

B) That elections are not about health care, financial reform or anything else. They are about money.

C) What do you get for the man who has everything? New York, New York.

D) It worked for Ceasar. Why wouldn't it work for Bloomberg?

E) Well, there goes the kids' inheritance.

F) You get the kind of goverment you pay for, and the kind of elections you pay for. And if you let somebody else pay, it is their election and their government.

G) We had the jazz age, the gilded age, and now we have the ego age.

H) Now, why doesn't Mel Gibson spend that kind of money to convince us he was just kidding?

I) It proves that buying votes is so passe'.

J) Horse racing may be the sport of kings, but politics is the sport of rich control freaks.

K) Being Mayor is just a tax dodge for Michael.

L) It could be worse. It could be raining.

M) We already know what he thinks of the electorate. Now, you're just complaining about the price.

WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010

On Tuesday Rep. Michele Bachmann lost her chief of staff and Campaign Finance direcrtor. Having raised $4 mill in the last quarter - why did they leave?


A) Crazy might be catching.

B) They wanted to have time to pack before the space ship arrived to take Michele home.

C) Michele was beginning to suspect they were communist spys.

D) The salary bump for working for a looney just wasn't high enough.

E) They had already won the bet. Yes, it is possible to elect a headless chicken to the House of Representatives.

F) They wanted to get out before the guys in the white coats showed up.

G) Someday they hope to be admired by their peers. And someday they hope to have peers who do not train chimpanzees.

H) Her voice just finally got to them.

I) The shame finally drove them back to a more honest profession; politics.

J) Michele had begun dressing like them.

K) They were out of ideas on how to hide her antennae.

L) It just wasn't funny anymore.

SUNDAY, JULY 11, 2010

The best Chairman for the GOP A.S. ( After Micheal Steele), should be?


A) Mel Gibson. He's available. He's idealogically pure enough for the Tea Party. He would look great introducing Sara Palin. And he's available..

B) LeBron James. He could put Florida in the win collumn. Ohio is just one more rust belt state the Democrats can have.

C) Lindsey Lohan. She's attractive. She could date that Cheney kid. She feels entitled, making her the perfect Republican. She's now served jail time, making her comfortable with all the Republican Pols.

D) Sara Palin. She will not try and change the post, since she would surely quit within six months.

E) Governor Hale Barbour. The RNC needs somebody really good at saying he's sorry to big corporations .

F) Ronald Reagan. As a dead guy he is certain to not say something stupid. As a dead guy he is certain to be an idealogical fit with the Tea Party.

G) Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.). If M.S. is not his leader, then he should say either who is or step up and take the job.

H) John A. Boehner. He could bring the JFK tan look back. He could use the time off for more golf.

I) Rush Limbaugh. Time to take the "in name only" off his job title. And, frankly, he could use the exercise.

Friday, July 9, 2010

GOP Senate Nominee Sharron Angle now claims that Harry Reid is trying to "Hit the Girl". What will most likely be her next campaign theme?


A) I am rubber, you are glue. What ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

B) I'll sue! Drat, I already tried that.

C) Mom, he's quoting me!

D) You better be nice or I will tell Ron Paul on you.

E) You are sooooo stupid.

F) I do not want to eliminate Social Security. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, No. My sister, my daughter.

G) If you won't play fair I'm taking my ball and going home. It is too my ball!

H) You, pimple face.

I) But my GOP handlers said this would work!

WEDNESDAY, JULY 7, 2010

Nevada Republican Senate Candidate Sharron Angle has threatened to sue Harry Reid for publishing her position statements. What is the poisition she is most afraid of having publically known?


A) "Social Security and its attenent medicare are broken and bankrupt systems...as Social Security is transitoned out..."

B) "Make capital gains and death tax cuts permenant."

C) "The War on Terror is the central challenge of our time."

D) "The U.S. needs to withdraw from the United Nations"

E) "The United States is only so strong as the military that defends it."

F) "Has been endorsed by the Miniute Man PAC"

G) "Buisiness need to be liberated from over regulation and over taxation."

H) "Sharon Angle is a qualified for a "concealed weapons" permit.

I) "Has been endorsed by Phyliss Shlaffly."

J) "Does not accept money from unions."

I) Unemployed people are smelly and should be moved down wind.

SUNDAY, JULY 4, 2010

USA Today; WASHINGTON — A $500 million marketing campaign will be necessary to combat public perceptions about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill..." What would be the best tag line for this new ad campaign?


A) America's Gulf: Where oil and water do mix.

B) We've done the Dead Sea one better.

C) Who thought a lousy education system and corrupt politicians could cause this much trouble?

D) Governor Haley Barbour, of Alabama, for President!

E) Thre hasn't this much fun in the South since Sherman's March to the sea!

F) No Swimming. No birds. No fish. No shirmp. No smoking. All brought to you by the party of No.

G) Come to Lousiana this year. Get away from the crowds.

H) Mississippi; the first last place on earth.

I) Come see the gulf. You won't believe your eyes. Or you nose. Or that rash.

J) Bobby Jindal's back yard.

K) British Petroleum's testing ground.

L) The Redneck Rivera.

M) Advertising can fix anything!

FRIDAY, JULY 2, 2010

An unamed G.O.P. operative said today, ""This is the height of stupidity and epitomizes the problem that is Michael Steele." Now, what did Micheal say that inspired this reaction"


A) “Not in the history of mankind has the government ever created a job.”

B) "The problem that we have with this president is we don't know him. He was not vetted, folks"

C) "Well, I'm the cow on the tracks."

D) "Our platform is one of the best political documents that's been written in the last 25 years. Honest Injun on that."

E) "I'm the gift that keeps on giving."

F) "We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets."

G) "We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

H) Afghanistan is "a war of Obama's choosing... not something the United States had actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in."

I) "Good morning, Mr. Kristol."

J) "This administration has the arrogance, the arrogance, to look down at my mother, to look down at my co-worker."

K) "And we’re not encouraging people to be angry, I mean to the point of being nasty and brutish and ugly."

L) "What I see right now is leading to the ultimate political Armageddon between conservatism and liberalism."

M) "You feel so much more confident now knowing that he (LaMarr Smith, R-Tx) put the pork in but didn't vote for it,"

N) "We are not warming. The warming you see out there, the supposed warming...Greenland, which is now covered in ice, it was once called Greenland for a reason, right?

O) "Education is key...And how history is a precursor of things to come."

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 30, 2010

What was the biggest secret the 11 Russian spys arrested this week, were seeking?


A) What are the 11 secret spices in KFC.?

B) What are the goals of the Political Action Committie funded by Seven-Eleven?

C) What was George Bush hiding behind that insipid smirk?

D) Is Sara Palin smarter than Vladimir Putin?

E) Could the GOP really be this inept?

F) How does Bill Clinton get all those women to sleep with him, and could it work for Putin?

G) What the hell was the Polar Bear doing on the "Lost" island?

H) How soon is Facebook going to become lame?

I) Is Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour full of tar balls or is that crap coming out of his mouth just crap?

J) Is Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal a simp or a schmuck?

K) Could the Democratic Party really be this inept?

L) Is the CIA aware that "Telefon" was Vladimir Putin's favorite movie?

SUNDAY, JUNE 27, 2010

SARA PALIN HAS AGAIN COMPARED PRESIDENT OBAMA TO HITLER. IN WHAT WAY IS SARA HERSELF MOST LIKE ADOLF HITLER?


A) Hitler loved to talk about himself. Sara uses Hitler's name more than the History Channel.

B) Adolf Hitler has an odd number of letters in his name. And Sara Palin is just odd.

C) Sara Palin quit before finishing her first term as Governor. Adolf Hitler shot himself before his "Thousand year Reich" was half over.

D) They both have mustaches.

E) Adolf was a war hero in WWI. Sara loves war heros, not that she knows any personally.

F) Adolf Hitler hated and feared Jews. Sara hates and fears anybody with brains, and many Jews are smart.

G) Hitler used fear to manipulate people. Sara, ditto

H) Both Adolf and Sara could see Russia from thier houses.

I) Adolf was supported by a fat drug addict, Herman Goring. Sara has Rush Limbaugh.

FRIDAY, JUNE 25, 2010

THE SENATE GOP HAS AGAIN KILLED AN EXTENSION OF UNEMPLOYEMENT BENEFITS. WHAT IS MOSTS LIKELY TO BE THEIR JUSTIFICATION?


A) Unemployed people don't vote.

B) Unemployed people don't donate to Republican politicians.

C) We can't afford both the $3 billion oil deplition allowance and umemployement benifits.

D) Ron Paul doesn't like it.

E) Rush Limbaugh says no to compasion in government.

F) Ideology is more important than humanity.

G) The economics of grocery stores is not important in the GOP big picture.

H) The GOP are determined to commit hari kari.

I) Stupid is as stupid does.

J) They have never questioned why their philosophy keeps insisting they do dumb and cruel things.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 2010

General McChrystal will most likely begin his private meeting with President Obama by saying...?


A) Hey, dude, did you see the piece about British Petroleum's next disaster in Rolling Stone?

B) You would not believe the month I've had.

C) Oops.

D) Can't we all just get along?

E) Hey, who knew anybody still reads Rolling Stone?

F) Was it something I said?

G) Yea, but things were going so well up until now.

H) Do over?

I) Why is everybody picking on me?

J) Sorry, boss.

SUNDAY, JUNE 20, 2010

Which is your favorite quote so far from the FBI tapes played at the Rod Blagojevich trial?


A) " I feel) Good. Just got back from a haircut"

B) "She loves our hair by the way, loves your hair and my hair, because it's all real, I guess."

C) "Blair Hull actually thinks he can be senator, you believe this guy? He's an idiot".

D) Now be real careful, here. The F.B.I. went to see Rosenfield, you understand."

E) "Well, you somehow gotta' get there. And don't pay any bills. Just get...to that $4 million".

F) "Wow."

G) "Alright, we'll be feeding the homeless tomorrow morning at Patty's Place at eleven".

H) "How many bill do we have that I have to act on? Thirty bills...So don't do any of them."

I) "He said, you know, pretty good conversation,..not going anywyere near the $500,000 but he wants to talk."

J) "Yeah. I know. Good job."

K) "I feel like the guy is a big bullshitter. I'm worried about that. What do we do about that?"

L) Well, what's the take? A whole year. You know what I mean."

M) "I mean, boy, some of these people are just blatent in how they say these things."

N) "Jack them up."

SATURDAY, JUNE 19, 2010

"UTICA, New York - A Zogby Interactive survey of U.S. adults found that among Apple, Microsoft and Google, 49% had trust in each of these brands...the percentage expressing little or no trust was higher for Microsoft and Google (both 46%) than it was for Apple (35%). The percentage of not sure responses was higher for Apple (15%) than for for both Google and Microsoft, both 5%. "


 The best reason to trust Microsoft is that...

A) They ain't British Petroleum.

B) Who else is there? It would be like not trusting the air, when there is nothing else to breath.

C) Bill Gates steals from the "good enough" and the barely acceptable..

D) I use Word. don't know any better.

E) Apple is not a working system. It is a cult.

F) Bill Gates would never lie to me. Well, not recently. Well, not recently that I know of.

G) How could you not trust Alred E. Neuman with glasses?

H) What? You think more people trusted Bell or Edison?

I) Not trusting Microsoft would be like not trusting God because of Newt Gingrich..

J) Trust is not the same as like.

K) I surf the internet on a typewriter.

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Ennis, Texas, "Daly News", home paper for Rep. Joe Barton, failed to even mention his apology to B.P. What other major news story did they fail to mention?


A) The Union victory at Appomatox Court House.

B) The Supreme Court rulling on "Brown versus Board of Education"

C) The invention of electricity.

D) Sitting Bull's victory at the Battle of Little Big Horn.

E) FDR's " New Deal".

F) The Mexican vicotry at the Alamo.

G) The murder of JFK in Dallas.

H) Evolution.

I) Everything and anything else stupid that Rep. Barton has ever done or said.

J) All of the above.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16, 2010

Who do you hate more than British Petroleum?


A). Adolf Hitler. Too obvious?

B) George Bush and Dick Cheney. I would love to seem them cleaning a beach, on their hands and knees.

C: Rielle Hunter. Somebody with a brain and a soul please adopt that baby.

D) The Producers of "The Family from Hell". And the whatever idoit at TBS who said yes to this thing.

E) Glenn Beck. Once I mentioned Hitler, Glenn just sprang to mind.

F) Simon Cowell. He made a career out of being a dick, really? Why would you do that?

G) Paris Hilton. No talent. No career. No charity work. But loads of ambition. What's not to hate?

H) The entire management at Goldman Sachs. Oh, yes. We can't forget about these guys.

I) Fox News. Just everybody there.

J) Nobody.. British Petroleum tops my list.

SUNDAY, JUNE 13, 2010

AP reports that a "stainless steel tank" from the Deepwater Horizon rig, covered in barnacles and oozing oil, washed up on a Florida beach Saturday. What is most likely in it?


A) Detailed minutes from Dick Cheney's 2001 Energy Conference.

B) The guy who kept warning BP about the Blowout Preventer.

C) The collective souls of George Bush, Dick and Liz Cheney, and the entire BP board.

D) The instructions on how to stop the damn leak.

E) The secret recipe for KFC.

F) Jimmy Hoffa.

G) The Iraqi WMD.

H) Bernie Madoff's escape pod.

I) That one hundred dollars you loaned your roomate in college.

J) More Oil.

K) BP's disgarded press relaeases on the Deepwater Horizon's safety record.

L) One pelican - BP's time capsule plan to repopulate the post spill gulf.