FRIDAY DECEMBER 23, 2001 FREEDOM!!!

Which quotes from Braveheart, do you think the G.O.P. Diehards should have remembered?


A) I should have remembered the rocks

B) I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.

C) You will embrace this rebellion...I will gain...favor by condemning it....

D) He has courage; so does a dog. But it is exactly the ability to “compromise” that makes a man noble.

E) You think the people of this country exist to provide you with position.

F) I didn't think you were in the tent that long.

G) The Almighty says this must be a fashionable fight. It's drawn the finest people.

H) Who is this person that speaks to me as though I needed his advice?

I) You're so concerned with squabbling for the scraps...that you've missed your God given right to something better.

J) We'll have no homes left when the English...from the castle comes through and burns us out. And they will!

K) Nest o' schemin' bastards; they couldn't agree on the colour o' shite.

L) I hope you've washed your ass this morning, it's about to be kissed by a king.

M) The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure you're fucked.

N) I beg pardon, sire. Won't we hit our own troops?

O) Just when we thought all hope was lost, our noble saviors have arrived.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2011 A GINGRICH TOO FAR

Which is your favorite Newt Gingrich pun and/or alliterationphrase?


A) The Walking Newtonian Physic

B) The Phony Acrimony-ist

C) The All New-t Gingrich

D) Newt Grinch-rich

E) The Grince that roared.

F) The Grince that bored

G) Neurtured Gingrich

H) Newt and unimproved.

I) The Same Old New-t.

J) Grindy Gingrich

K) The $60,000 Man.

L) A Fred Mertz Body With a Cary Grant Ego.

M) “Autotomy”; when a newt grows a new tail. When Newt grows a new tale; Bullshit.

N) A Serial Liar.

O) “It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.” The Gingrich Who Stole Christmas

SUNDAY DECEMBER 11, 2011 NEWTERED

What is your favorite Newt Gingrich quote?


A) A mere forty years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about.

B) I think one of the great problems we have in the Republican Party is that we don't encourage you to be nasty

C) I discourage a cult of personality.

D) The fact is, we can afford a fairly ignorant presidency now.

E) In every election...both parties have their cliches. The party that has the cliches that ring true wins.

F) The idea that a congressman would be tainted by accepting money from private industry...is essentially a socialist argument.

G) You can't trust anybody with power.

H) I have enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And I’m doing it. I am now a famous person. I represent real power.

I) Give the park police more ammo.

J) She isn’t young enough or pretty enough to be the President’s wife.

K) The...Democrats...represent the party of total hedonism, total exhibitionism, total bizarreness, total weirdness, and the total right to cripple innocent people in the name of letting hooligans loose.

L) These people are sick...consumed by their own power, by a Mussolini-like ego, that their willingness to run over normal human beings and to destroy honest institutions is unending.

M) I love the environment, but I'm cheap on the environment.

N) It's going to be a bummer if Mars turns out to be like us.

O) I do.....I do.....I do....

THURSDAY DECEMBER 8, 2011 POKE A LIZARD

Now that Herman Cain has broken the ice, which quote from the Pokemon movies do you think would best be delivered by Newt Gingrich?


A) “I came when I heard you defeated the Elite Four” Prof. Oak

B) “The reign of Mewtwo will soon begin.” MewTwo

C) “Unbelievable! I picked the wrong Pokémon!” Blue

D) “Now we'll see who has the last quack!” Ash Ketchum

E) “Love is all about who lands the first punch! ” Misty

F) “You're just the players in my master plan!” Giovanni

G) “It dosen't matter how far away a leader is from it's group, a leader is always a leader” Brock

H) “It looks like alphabet soup but without the soup.” Meowmth

I) “I wonder if it's possible to get traded to a less embarrassing team?” Meowmth

J) “We're gonna show that no good rotten crook what real good rotten crooks are like!!” Meowmth

K) "Hey, we ARE you, and you're not!" Meowmth

L) “Oh, no! Wrong way! I want my mom!” Dawn

M) “I'll be happy to vouch for his insanity!” May

N) “If I want your opinion I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU!!!” Misty

O) “Ha! Muscle over mind!” Ash Ketchum

Sunday, December 4, 2011 THE MARK OF HERMAN CAIN

What was your favorite Hermain Cain headline?


A) It’s no ’paign, no Cain - NY Post

B) The Cain Mutiny - LA Times

C) Cain Train Runs Out of Track - NY Daily News

D) Women for Cain - Cain Campaign

E) Calamity Cain - NY Post

F) No Herm Done - NYPost

G) Hermain Cain's HarassMint Chocolate Chip - Ben & Jerry

H) “God Told Me To Run. I Was Like Moses” - The Raw Story

I) Plan B - Herman Cain

J) CainWreck - Twitter

K) A Cain in the Ass - Me

L) Hermain Cain Eats Pizza with GQ - GQ

M) Herman Cain says Obama is Not Really a Black Man - NYPost

N) What Herman Cain Meant - WashPost

0) The Mark of Herman Cain; masher. Me

FRIDAY DECEMBER 2, 2011 HONEY, WE HAVE TO TALK

Which country song do you think Herman Cain will be signing to his wife when he gets home to Atlanta today?


A) Holding Her and Loving You by Clay Walker

B) Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley

C) Check Yes or No by George Strait

D) If We Make it Through December by Merle Haggard

E) Georgia On My Mind by Willie Nelson

F) The Gambler by Kenny Rodgers

G) Lyin' Eyes by The Eagles

H) Devil Went Down to Georgia by Charley Daniels Band

I) Lookin' For Love in All the Wrong Places by Jonny Lee

J) Stand By Your Man by Tammy Wynette

K) Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks

L) Boot Scootin' Boogie by Brooks and Dunn

M) D-I-V-I-O-R-C-E by Tammy Wynette

N) Mr. Bojangles by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

O) Hit The Nail On The Head by Amazing Rhythm Aces

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 30, 2011 BARNEY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE.

Which is your favorite Barney Frank quote?


A) “You and I have identical positions on federalism. We both support it when it gets us the results we want. The difference is, I admit it.

B) "The problem with the war in Iraq is not so much the intelligence as the stupidity."

C) "Conservatives believe...life begins at conception and ends at birth."

D) "If selling out paid better, I wouldn't have to be here tonight."

E) "If this is a Christian nation, how come some poor Jew has to get up at 5:30 in the morning to preside over the House of Representatives?"

F) "Rather than the boy who cried wolf, George Bush...claims that there is nothing wrong...He's the boy who cried, 'Nice doggie.'"

G) “It's not only easy to stand up to your enemies; if you're a politician, it's generally profitable.”

H) “(Conservatives) are for free speech when it costs money, when they can buy it.”

I) “If you’re not able to work closely with people you despise, you can’t really work here.”

J) “Financial institutions have latched onto the motto of a 14-year-old child of divorced parents... ‘Well, if you don’t treat me better, I’m going to England”

K) “I'm a left-handed, gay Jew. I've never felt, automatically, a member of any majority”

L) “Ronald Reagan believes in the free market like some people believe in unicorns.”

M) “In my line of work, imitation isn’t the sincerest form of flattery - denunciation is.

N) “The gentleman from Texas is proud that they passed a tax bill that excluded the poorest working people in America...and...we are proud on our side to be appalled by it.”

O) “I have this fear that one day there's going to be a fire in the Senate and ….they'll all die because they won't have the 60 votes to allow themselves to leave the building."

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2011 HE TURNED ME INTO A NEWT

WashPost – 11/17/11: “The Center for Health Transformation...brought in ($37 million )...offering ...access to Newt Gingrich” and “direct Newt interaction” What should be the movie soundtrack playing on Newt's iPod for “Newt interaction”?



A) Evita

B) The Wizard of Oz

C) The Dark Knight

D) Star Wars

E) Bigger, Longer and Uncut

F) Beatles Magical Mystery Tour

G) Shaft

H) Pulp Fiction

I) O, Brother, Where Art Thou?

J) Pinocchio

K) Grease

L) Purple Rain

M) A Hard Days Night

N) 2001, A Space Odyessy

O) The Rocky Horror Picture Show

FRIDAY NOVEMBER 18, 2011 LOST IN TRANSLATION

After Herman Cain's rambling search for an answer to a question about Libya, what rock song will he on his iPad?


A) I Ghad-a-Fee-ling

B) Tobruk at Me Now

C) Benghazi Rhapsody

D) Sitting on the Dock with A'bay

E) He's Not Heavy, He's My Bayda

F) Loopy, Loopy, Loopie

G) Be Bop a Loser

H) When You Get to Wadi Zem-Zem, (be sure to wear some flowers in your hair)

I) Wake up Little Emra'ah, Wake Up.

J) Long Tall Sirte

K) By the Time I Get to Tripoli

L) In a Gadda da Qatar

M) Libie-libby-bakistan

N) When a Rajul Loves a Sayyida

O) Raining in Bani Walid

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2011 MAKE THE WORLD GO AWAY

AP 11/13/11: Herman Cain's wife....told...Greta Van Susteren: “I know the type of person he is. He totally respects women.” In four more years, what do you think is this lady's favorite Country song?


A) D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

B) Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye.

C) Revenge of a Middle Aged Woman

D) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

E) I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

F) Does My Ring Burn Your Finger?

G) Kiss This.

H) If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

I) You Lie

J) He Ain't Worth Missing

K) What Kind of Fool Do You Think I Am?

L) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away

M) My Give a Damn is Busted

N) He Wasn't Man Enough

O) I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here.

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 13, 2011 PIGIONS ROOSTING AT HOME

Bloomberg News 11/12/11: “Some MF Global (employees)....learned of their fate from news reports that the trustee...had decided to terminate all 1,066 of them...” Which snappy catch phrase will Wall Street come up with to sanitize this new trend?


A) Out-Out Sourcing

B) Analyists Swap

C) After Hours Fire Sale

D) X-AMEX

E) Turd Bonus

F) Footnote F.U.

G) Merry Christmas F.F.

H) Lack of Credit Swap

I) MUSE – (Master of the Universe Seeking Employement).

J) Just Deserts

K) F.F.G.F. - (Fuck, the Fuckers got Fucked.)

L) An Un-Bear Market

M) WTF

N) Collateral Damage

O) Oops.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2011. Hey, baby.

If Herman Cain is not the victim of a “High Tech Lynching”, then how should we describe what is happening to him?


A) Mission Accomplished

B) Oh, the vision thing

C) They misunderstimated me.

D) I didn't inhale

E) I am not a crook

F) When a President does it, that means it is not illegal

G) That giant sucking sound.

H) There you go again

I) I shall return.

J) You are no Jack Kennedy.

K) Are you now or have you ever been.

L) The buck stops here.

M) Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last.

N) Mistakes were made.

O) We must stay the course.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2011 AND THEN I SAID...

The Republican Economic Debate – 11/9/'11: “I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the -- what’s the third one there? Let’s see...The third agency of government I would -- I would do away with Education, the...Commerce....and, let’s see,...“I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.”


What is the third agency of the Federal government which Rick Perry would eliminate?

A) Texas Department of Motor Vehicles

B) Department of Kim Kardashian Weddings as a job creator

C) Department of Eliminating Stuckup Smart-ass Intellectuals

D) The Department of Homeland Something-or-Other

E) Department of Public Speaking One-Oh.....Ah...Ah...Oops

F) Department of Middle Earth

G) Department of the Herman Cain Equal Right Man Amendment

H) Department of Oops

I) Department of Yet Another Goofball Texas Oil Man

J) Department of Being An Idiot or Being Willing to Sound Like One

K) The Shoe Department.

L) Department of You Get The Government You Pay

M) Department of Sanitation

N) Ministry of the Two Minute Hate

O) Department of Silly Walks

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 6, 2011 WHO ARE THOSE GUYS?

Politico – 11/4/11; “Joel Bennett, the attorney for one of the women who complained about Herman Cain....said Friday that his client's settlement was dated in September 1999...” Is this where Herman got his 9-9-9 idea?


A) Yes.

B) No

C) He had an idea?

D) I think he got it from the UK number for help – dial 9-9-9

E) Who is Herman Cain, I mean, really?

F) Is he any relation to the Caine Mutiny guy? 'Cause that could be it.

G) The 9% sales tax orginated because Cain is not his brother's keeper. (Evangelical humor)

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 2, 2011 SING YOUR PRAISES TO THE LORD

L.A.Times – 1/11/11: “(Herman) Cain...sang a verse of his favorite gospel hymn: "He Looked Beyond My Faults."” What hymn would you suggest for Herman's next selection?


A) He's Got the Whole World In His Hands

B) Draw Me Closer to You

C) Heaven's Just A Sin Away

D) Go Tell It On The Mountain

E) He Touched Me

F) Crazy

G) Still Able

H) Stronger in the Broken Places

I) God Moves In Mysterious Ways

J) Let Me Feel You Shine

K) I Hope You See Jesus

L) Yes We Can

M) Rescue Me

N) Leaving Eden

O) Chase Me Down

SUNDAY OCTOBER 30, 2011 BOO, WHOM!

Which zombie costumed politico would you most like to see this halloween?


A) Michele Bachmann as zombie Michele Bachmann

B) Rick Santorum as zombie Anthony Weiner's zombie weiner

C) Mitt Romney as zombie Romney Care 2004

D) Herman Cain as zombie Ronald Reagan

E) Marcus Bachmann as zombie Rock Hudson

F) Ron Paul as zombie Cardinal Richelieu

G) Jon Huntsman as zombie Pat Paulson

H) Newt Gingrich as zombie Paul Revere .

I) Annita Perry as zombie Marie Antoinette

J) Callista Gingrich as zombie Zsa Zsa Gabor

K) Rick Perry as zombie George Bush

L) Eric Cantor as zombie John Boehner

M) John Boehner as zombie John Boehner

N) Senator Mitch McConnel as zombie Mitch McConnell

O) Michele Bachmann as zombie Charlotte Corday

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2011 DON'T SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO.

What is the one sentence staffers have told will lead to immediate termination if they should ever utter to candidate Herman Cain?


A) Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates

B) Yo, I'm walking here..

C) Gentlemen, you can't fight here; This is the War Room!

D) Wait a minute, wait a minute – you ain't heard nothing yet.

E) Soylent Green is people!

F) You're going out a yongster, but your coming back a star

G) Nobody puts baby in a corner

H) I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too.

I) Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!

J) Toga, toga, toga, toga, toga

K) Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.

L) I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

M) What we got here is a failure to communicate

N) All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

O) “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.”

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 26, 2011 Goodbye, So Long

Which Broadway musical is the current favorite of Michelle Bachmann staffers in New Hamphire?


A) The Addams Family (2010)

B) The Goodbye Girl (1993)

C) Les Misérables (1987)

D) American Idiot (2010)

E) Jekyll & Hyde (1997)

F) Kiss Of The Spider Woman (1993)

G) Red, Hot and Blue (1936)

H) Little Shop of Horrors (1982)

I) Roar of the Greesepaint – Smell of the Crowd (1965)

J) Carrie - The Musical (1988)

K) The Rocky Horror Show (1973)

L) Sweeny Todd (1979)

M) Victor/Victoria (1995)

N) Ziegfeld Follies (1909 -1958)

O) Evita (1977)

SUNDAY OCTOBER 23, 2011 DRAW WHEN READY!

Which Clint Eastwood movie do you think best exemplfies Texas Governor Rick Perry's campaign style?


A) Hang 'Em High (1968)

B) Where Eagles Dare (1968)

C) The Beguiled (1971)

D) The Rookie (1990)

E) Changeling (2008)

F) Space Cowboys (2000)

G) Honkytonk Man (1982)

H) Every Which Way But Loose (1978)

I) High Plains Drifter (1973)

J) Paint Your Wagon (1969)

K) For A Few Dollars More (1965)

L) The Dead Pool (1988)

M) Play Misty For Me (1971)

N) True Crime (1999)

O) The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)

FRIDAY OCTOBER 21, 2011 THIS WEEK ON.....

If the Republican debates were a sitcom, what would be the best title?


A) The Monkeys

B) The Donna Reed Show

C) My Favorite Martian

D) Soap

E) Eight Is Enough

F) Silver Spoons

G) Hee Haw

H) The Adams Family

I) Perfect Strangers

J) Celebrity Boxing

K) The Flintsones

L) Gilligan's Island

M) Arrested Development

N) All In The Family

O) Beavis and Butthead

SUNDAY OCTOBER 16, 2011 DUMB AND DUMBER

The success of Herman Cain's “999” plan seems certain to inspire other over-simplified numerical policies. Which do you think will prove the most popular?


A) 911 – Michele Bachmann's plan for saving gays from Satan

B) 411 – Rick Perry's plan for coming up with plans

C) 555 – Rick Santorum's plan for getting everybody to stop using Google

D) 888 – Newt Gingrich's plan for supporting the American jewelry industry

E) 333 – John Huntsman's plan for avoiding touching anybody from the Tea Party

F) 444 – Ron Paul's plan for full employement, also known as “Solent Green”

G) Me-222 - Rick Perry's plan for matching the other candidate's plans

H) III – Michele Bachmann's plan to get more attention

I) 777 – Mitt Romney's plan for rolling the dice often enough to eventually win.

J) 666 - Mitt Romney's secret plan for turning everybody Morman

K) Ten-Ten-Ten – Rick Santrorum's other plan for getting rid of Google

L) 11-11-11 – Herman Cain's back up plan should his 999 turn turtle

M) 000 – Tim Pawlenty's plan for winning the Vice-Presidency

N) AAA – Newt Gingrich's plan for dealing with the crushing disappointment of being irrelevent

O) No-No-No – Michele Bachmann's plan for dealing with her husband's home business.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2011 WORDS TO LIVE BETTER BY

Which one of these proverbs from Poor Richard's Almanac, best describes the Republican majority in Congress?


A) There is much difference between imitating a good man, and counterfeiting him.

B) Blame-all and Praise-all are two blockheads.

C) Whate’er’s begun in anger ends in shame.

D) Fools multiply folly.

E) A good Lawyer, a bad Neighbour.

F) Approve not of him who commends all you say.

G) The poor man must walk to get meat for his stomach, the rich man to get a stomach to his meat.

H) Laws like to Cobwebs catch small Flies, Great ones break thro’ before your eyes.

I) Here comes the Orator! with his Flood of Words, and his Drop of Reason.

J) One Mend-fault is worth two Findfaults, but one Findfault is better than two Makefaults.

K) He that lives upon Hope, dies farting.

L) Here comes Courage! that seiz’d the lion absent, and run away from the present mouse.

M) The rotten Apple spoils his Companion.

N) He that speaks much, is much mistaken.

O) Would you persuade, speak of Interest, not of Reason.

THURSDAY OCTOBER 13, 2011 CANDY MAN

Chicago Tribune 10/11/'11 By Katherine Skiba, Tribune reporter;


“Sen.Mark Kirk, a Republican from Illinois... is assigned to Desk No. 95, which is near the Senate's most heavily used entrance, making it perfect to serve as the chamber's "candy desk." Kirk, his aides and Illinois candy manufacturers keep it stocked with treats for senators and staff...."Senators, being older, can get kind of grumpy in the afternoon, and have this tradition of being able to reach into this desk to get a treat," Kirk, 52, said....The candy desk originated with Sen. George Murphy of California and has been passed on to 13 other Republicans, including Sen. John McCain of Arizona and former Sens. Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania and George Voinovich of Ohio...
*
Under Senate rules, a member may accept donations of products such as coffee, candy, peanuts and juices from the state they represent if certain conditions are met. The products must be inexpensive, used for promotional purposes (such as free distribution) and available to visitors to the lawmaker's office....
*
While Kirk's a fan of candy, there's no love lost between him and the sugar industry...In an interview, Kirk said sugar growers...were "very powerful and very corrupt."....
*
At the American Sugar Alliance...spokesman Phillip Hayes decried Kirk's "hateful language" and defended the quotas. They "keep unneeded sugar from flooding the U.S. Market...
*
Kirk plans to hold on to the candy desk for two years altogether, then turn it over to a newcomer...And when only the least desirable candies — the "fuds and duds," Kirk calls them — are left, he gets on the horn. "It will yield a panic call back to the staff to immediately drive to CVS— and find supply."
*
Which candy do you think best fits the Republican brand?

A) 100 GRAND BARS

B) REESES NUT-RAGOUS

C) SNICKERS

D) AIRHEADS BLUE RAZZLEBERRY

E) MILK DUDS

F) BUTTERFINGER

G) GOOBERS

H) TOO TARTS SWEET SUCK UPS

I) GUMMY CLOWN FISH

J) CLICKER LICKER LOLLIPOPS

K) POP ROCKS EXTREME SOUR

L) ORIGINAL BABY BOTTLE POP CANDY

M) FUN DIP CANDY

N) CIRCUS PEANUTS CANDY

O) ESPEEZE CANDY MONEY MINTS

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2011 THE MUSIC IS SO FAMILAR

POLITCO, 10/11/11; “House Majority Leader Eric Cantor on Tuesday backed away from his contention that “Occupy Wall Street” protesters are a mob...” Which would be Eric's favorite song from the 1920's-30's?


A) We're In the Money by Gold Diggers of 1933

B) Life's Just A Bowl of Cherries by Jaye P. Morgan

C) Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday

D) The Folks Who Live On the Hill by Peggy Lee

E) Ain't We Got Fun by Van and Scheck

F) I'm Sittin' On Top of the World by Al Jolson

G) Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Gertrude Niesen

H) On The Sunny Side Of the Street by Frankie Laine

I) Tea For Two by Art Tatum

J) You're Driving Me Crazy by Guy Lombardo

K) Let's Face The Music And Dance by Irving Berlin

L) Its Only A Paper Moon by Peggy Healey

M) I'm Puttin All My Eggs In One Basket by Irving Berlin

N) Don't Blame Me by Rudy Valle

O) I Found a Million Dollar Baby (In a Five and Ten Cent Store) by Fanny Brice

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2011. WHISTLING THROUGH THE GRAVEYARD

Politico: 10/7/11 House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, “I for one am increasingly concerned about the growing mobs on Wall Street and the other cities across the country. Which is the G.OP.'s favorite tune?


A) Ain't Misbehavin' by Fats Waller

B) In the Jailhouse Now by Jimmie Rogers

C) Just a Gigilo by Ted Lewis

D) Tea for Two by Art Tatum

E) Parade of the Wooden Soldiers by Paul Whiteman

F) Minnie the Moocher by Cab Calloway

G) Turkey in the Straw by Gid Tanner and His Skillet Lickers

H) The Sidewalks of New York by Nat Shirket

I) Aggravatin' Papa by Marion Harris

J) Ain't We Got Fun by Van and Schenck

K) Its a Sin to Tell a Lie by Fats Waller

L) Pennies From Heaven by Bing Crosby

M) Brother, Can You Spare a Dime by Bing Crosby

N) Back In the Saddle Again by Gene Autry

O) Flat Foot Floogee by Slim and Slam

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 08, 2011 BUFFeted BY TAXES

Politico 10/4/'11: “Warren Buffett will happily make his tax returns public, but under one condition – Rupert Murdoch has to do it, too....“I think it might be a terrific idea if [the Wall Street Journal] would just ask their boss, Rupert Murdoch, and he and I will meet at Fortune, and we’ll both give you our tax returns and you can publish them,” Buffett said...Buffett was the third richest person in the world, with a net worth of about $50 billion. Murdoch, the chairman of News Corp., came in at 122th place, with an estimated net worth of $7.6 billion.”


After reading this challenge, what do you think will be Rupert Murdoch's favorite rock song?

A) Shine On You Crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd

B) We Gotta' Get Outta This Place by Animals

C) Changes by David Bowie

D) Suspicious Minds by Elvis Presley

E) Take It On The Run by REO Speedwagon

F) Hit The Road Jack by Ray Charles

G) He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother by The Hollies

H) Money For Nothing by Dire Straits

I) Bad To The Bone by Brad Thorogood

J) Gimmie Shelter by Rolling Stones

K) Cold Sweat by James Brown

L) Free Ride by Edgar Winter Group

M) London Calling by The Clash

N) Money Honey by Clyde McPatter

O) Dream On by Aerosmith

FRIDAY OCTOBER 7, 2011 NEW KID ON THE BLOCK

What should Herman Cain's campaign theme song should be?


A) Dust in the Wind by Kansas

B) Sixty Minute Man by The Dominoes

C) Sympathy for the Devil by Rolling Stones

D) Yesterday by Beatles

E) Lets Go Crazy by Prince

F) Voodoo Child (Slight Return) by Jimi Hendrix

G) November Rain by Guns n' Roses

H) The Joker by Steve Miller Band

I) Psychotic Reaction by Count Five

J) Do You Believe In Magic by Lovin' Spoonful

K) I Wanna' be Sedated by Ramones

L) Rave On by Buddy Holly

M) Takin' Care of Business by BTO

N) Schools Out by Alice Cooper

O) You Got Another Thing Comin' by Judas Priest

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2011 HE'S SO FAT...

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie; “Its not particularly a news flash to me that I'm overweight....All I care about is that they actually are funny.” Your favorite Chris Christie Fat Joke is...?


A) “He thought a straw poll came with a milkshake.” (Iggles25)

B) “Goodbye White House Vegitable Garden “(Top Ten)

C) “He has smaller Republicans orbiting around him.” (Sir Real)

D) “New State; Fatassachusetts” (Top Ten)

E) “Presidental Retreat Moved...to Hersey Park” (Top Ten)

F) “Chris Christie is so fat, but it's ok as long as he isn't gay.” (Mystc411)

G) Instead of Iraq, we would invade Ihop (Top Ten)

H) "People who say Chris Christie is too fat to be president: girthers" (London Times)

I) “This counts as exercise for Christie. Let him keep talking”. (Chicago Tribune)

J) “What follows a Christie dinner speech? Breakfast.” Slate

K) “Perfect fit. Oval Office. Oval President.” (Letterman)

L) Scandal when president is caught in Oval Office with Betty Crocker and Sara Lee (Top Ten)

M) “The Great Wide Hope.” (ChrisBeardes's Blog)

N) “...his own political party boycotted him for being "full of pork" (Munson)

SUNDAY OCTOBER 2, 2011 WHO ARE THESE GUYS

Which cultural icon do you think best exemplifies the current field of 12 Republican Presidential candidates?


A)  Twelve Angry Men

B)  The Twelve Tribes of Isreal

C)  The Dirty Dozen

D)  Force Twelve Winds on the Beaufort Scale

E)  Cheaper By The Dozen

F)  The Tweleve Colonies of Kobol  (Battlestar Gallactica)

G)  The Twelve Labors of Hearcules

H)  Tweleth Night  (Shakespere)

I)  1812 Oveture

J)  Twelve Signs of the Zodiac 

K)  The Majsestic 12 Committee to Cover Up the Roswell UFO

L)  The Twelve Days of Christmas

M)  King Arthur's 12 Knights of the Round Table

N)  Twelve Steps To Sobriety

O)  Twelve Monkeys

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 28, 2011 The Odd Couple

Newsroom Jersey; Sept. 25, 2011; “Ted Haggard...former Evangelical pastor who admitted to homosexual activity with a young male volunteer...(and) Gary Busey...are going on “Celebrity Wife Swap”. What other shows should these two gentlemen make an apperance on?


A) Survivor

B) Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

C) The Biggest Loser

D) Burn Notice

E) Cougar Town

F) Eureka

G) Fringe

H) Glee

I) Ghost Hunters

J) My Life On the “D” List

K) Law and Order – Special Victims Unit

L) New Girl

M) Wipe Out

N) Desperate Housewives

O) Big Bang Theory

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 25, 2011 ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

Rick Perry has never been wrong, ever. Just ask him. My favorite tweet from “Rick Perry Facts” (http://twitter.com/#!/rickperryfacts) is...


A) If you spell “Rick Perry” in scrabble, you win. Forever.

B) The only fool-proof airline security is to have Rick Perry stare down everyone entering the plane.

C) Rick Perry's foreign policy is so strong that Netanyahu agreed to rename his country "Isrull."

D) Anyone ever notice how you never see Rick Perry and Batman in the same room?

E) When Rick Perry goes to confession, the priest confesses to him.

F) Rick Perry's Magic 8-ball only gives one answer ''you are correct''

G) Rick Perry is not only running for POTUS, he's running for president of the Transformers.

H) Rick Perry puts both the "man" and the "laughter" into "manslaughter."

I) Once, Rick Perry's car ran out of gas. After pistol whipping it for 10 minutes, it started up. He's never had to fill up his tank since

J) Rick Perry doesn't get haircuts as we know them; his hair grows to the perfect length and stops.

K) When Rick Perry is on a computer, he doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a tiny capybara.

L) In Texas they don't call it the electric chair. They call it the Perry Chair

M) Perry could air condition the room with one cold look at Ron Paul

N) Rick Perry is not constrained by Aristotelian logic

O) Rick Perry and Superman once fought each other on a bet. Loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 23, 2011 THE MYSTERY MAN

Politico 9/22/'11: “Listen, there’s no threat of a government shutdown,” he told reporters. “Let’s just get this out there.” Who said it?


A) Fredo Corleone “The Godfather”

B) Mayor Richard Wilkins “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” (TV)

C) Dwight Schrute “The Office”

D) Gov. William J. Le Petomane “Blazing Saddles”

E) Barney Fife “The Andy Griffith Show”

F) Peter “Wormtail” Pettigrew “Harry Potter

G) Gregory Marmalard “Animal House”

H) Number Two “Austin Powers”

I) Dr. Beeper “Caddyshack”

J) Biggus Dickus “The Life of Brian”

K) Bert (the cab driver) “Its a Wonderful Life”

L) Barney Rubble “The Flintsones”

M) Leopold “Butters” Storch “South Park”

N) House Speaker John Boehner

O) Tarrant “The Mad Hatter” Hightopp “Alice in Wonderland” (2010)

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2011 CHRISTIANITY IS JUST A STATE OF MIND

Rep. John Fleming (R-La.) complains, “By the time I feed my family, I have maybe $400,000 left over.”Which would say is Representative Fleming's favorite song?


A) The Twist by Chubby Checker

B) Mack The Knife by Bobby Darin

C) Creep by Radiohead

D) Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall by Coldplay

E) Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds by The Beatles

F) Fortunate Son By Cleedence Clearwater Revival

G) You Can't Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones

H) Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

I) This Is The End by The Doors

J) The Times They Are a'Changing by Bob Dylan

K) Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones

L) Comfortable Numb by Pink Floyd

M) That'll Be The Day by The Crickets

N) You've Lost That Loving Feeling by The Rightous Brothers

O) Selfish Song by Asia Cruise

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2011 God Seems a Little Tired of Forgiving You, Texas.

USDA Drought Monitor 9/15/'11; “Texas conditions continue to deteriorate what little they can from abysmal...” What song should Texas Governor and conservative Christian Rick Perry be singing this Sunday?


A) Losing My Religion    by R.E.M.

B) Leper Messiah    by Metallica

C) I'm Sorry    by Brenda Lee

D) I'm Sorry, Ma,   by Leadbelly

E) Is What I Do Wrong?    by Texas

F) Proud To Be An Asshole From El Paso    by Kinky Friedman

G) People In Dallas Got Hair    by Waylon Jennings

H) My Sister Won't Start This Morning    by Lightning Hopkins

I) Heaven, Hell or Houston    by ZZ Top

J) Lubbock Or Leave It     by The Dixie Chicks

K) Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God    by Lordian God

L) Heresy     by Nine Inch Nails

M) Terror and Hubris in the House of Frank Pollard     by Lamb of God

N) Why I Hate Texas    by God's Reflex

O) Please Forgive Me, Let Me Go    by Bryan Adams

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2011 WITH A SONG IN HIS HEART

From the September 13, 2011 edition of  The Local - Sweden's News In English
http://www.thelocal.se/36118/20110913/

“A 50-year-old Swedish man has been charged with harassment after he played a Bob Dylan song for his ex-girlfriend hoping to reignite an abandoned love...The love-sick man had also cobbled together a group of five other men to serve as vocal accompaniment for the late-night live performance, each of whom donned hoodies with their hoods up...But soon after the man began to serenade his ex, who had previously taken out a restraining order against him, she called the police, leaving 50-year-old guitarist blowin in the wind...Acording to the woman, she perceived the sidewalk concert as threatening, even if, at the time, the man was only standing near the doorway...When police arrived on the scene, the 50-year-old....quickly ran and hid in the bushes, an escape attempt he later described to police as “tedious”. ...On Monday, the man was indicted in the Gothenburg District Court on suspicions of harassment and making illegal threat “

Which song from The Bob Dylan Song List , do you think he and his troupadours were playing?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Bob_Dylan_songs

A) Just like a Woman

B) Abandon Love

C) The Boxer

D) Can You Please Crawl Out Your Window

E) Cocaine Blues

F) Dinks Song

G) Frog Went a Courtin'

H) Here Comes Santa Clause

I) I Am A Lonesome Hobo

J) Idiot Wind

K) Man Of Constant Sorrow

L) Make You Feel My Love

M) Love Is Just Another Four Letter Word

N) Motorpsycho Nitemare

O) Gotta Serve Somebody

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 14, 2011 TOO HOT TO HANDLE

WTOP - “WASHINGTON - Nuclear regulatory inspectors continue to look closely at the North Anna nuclear power plant....(after) the August 23 earthquake...When the earth moved, some spent nuclear fuel at the plant moved as well.” What rock song should the nuclear power industry adopt as its new theme?


A) Not Again by Straind

B) Run To The Hills by Iron Maiden

C) Fireball by Deep Purple

D) Atom and Evil by The Golden Gate Quartet

E) Paranoid by Black Sabbath

F) Knocking On Heavens Door by Bob Dyland

G) The Nuke's A Hazard by Mike Terry

H) Every Breath You Take by Police

I) Heavens On Fire by Kiss

J) You Really Got Me by The Kinks

K) Playing With Uranium by Duran Duran

L) Roulette by Bruce Springsteen

M) Don't Melt Down On My Baby by Tru Fax

N) Uh, Oh, Plutonium by Anne Waldman

O) Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 The Bridge To Peace In The House

Chris Mathews:“Ninety-four structurally deficient bridges in your district, Mr. Cantor, down in Virginia, where President Obama traveled to this morning to speak on his jobs plan.” What do you think is Eric Cantors new least favorite new song?


A) "Like A Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkel

B) "Building Bridges" by Brooks and Dunn

C) "Burning Bridges" by Pink Floyd

D) “Bridges” by Destiny's Child

E) “Seven Bridge Road” by The Eagels

F) “Under the Bridge” by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

G) “The Bridge Is Over” by KRS

H) “Bridge of Spies” by T'Pau

I) “Ode to Billy Joe” by Bobbie Gentry

J) “Painting the Forth Bridge” by The Divine Comedy

K) “The Bridge” by Elton John

L) “Bridge of Sighs” by Robin Tower

M) “London Bridge is Falling Down” by Traditional

N) “Which Bridge To Cross, Which Bridge To Burn” by Vince Gill

O)“Love Can Be A Bridge” The Judds

P)“Mood To Burn Bridges” by Neko Case

Q)“Bridge Over the Jordan” by Valley River Trio

R) “Always Burning Bridges” by Mike Curb Congregation

S) “59th Bridge Song” Simon and Garfunkel

T) "Bridge To Nowhere” Sam Roberts

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 NO WAY OUT

What has been the most effective tool used so far by Barak Obama to deal with the G.OP?


A) Abject surrender

B) Call a meeting to negotiate. And then abject surrender.

C) Reschedule the meeting for G.O.P. convenience – e.g.., surrender before the meeting

D) Negotiate and then abject surrender

E) Present the public with a rational, logical argument, followed by abject surrender

F) Offer his testicles on a platter in exchange for a meeting .

G) Offer the testicles of working class Americans on a platter, and beg for a meeting.

H) Follow the Neville Chamberlin method of government - “Peace at any price”.

I) Sacrifice a middle class virgin and pray to the god of corporate profits – Ronald Reagan..

J) Follow the John Paul Jones school of government: “I have not yet begun to fight.”

K) Follow the French method of warefare - “I surrender”

L) Stop using “Surrender”. Instead use “capitulate, abandon, concede, fall, fold, quit, play dead, let go, roll over, surccumb, or yeild”.

M) Just say “No” to Democrats and hope nobody notices you only have no balls with Republicans

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2011. THE HAND OF GOD

Rep. Michelle Bachmann from Minnesota “joked” that Hurricane Irene was a judgement from God on progressives for their sinful ways. What other hilarious jokes from God did Michelle miss?


A) The Texas drought

B) The June 1892 Tornado that swept across soutern Minnesota, killing 12.

C) The 2008 flooding in Preston, Austin and Hafield Mnnesota

D) The 2010 flooding in 21 Minnisota counties.

E) The December 2007 storm that dumped 8 inches of snow on Minnesota and caused 338 automobile accidents.

F) The December 2009 blizzard that dumped 27 inches of snow on Minnesota.

G) The blizzard of November 11, 1940 that killed 49 duck hunters and 2 people in a head on train colision, all in Minnesota

H) The May 1998 tornado outbreak that killed one and cost $1 billion in damages.

I) The 1995 “derecho” straight-line wind storms that blew down 5 million trees and killed 6 people in Minnisota.

J) The 2006 tornado that killed one and caused $30 million in damgages in Minnesota

K) The 2008 flooding in Mason, Minnesota.

L) The May 25th , 2008 tornado that killed a two year old boy and caused $25.3 million in damages

M) The 24 Tornados that caused $4.5 millon in damages during 2009 in Minnesota

N) The June 1919 Tornado that killed 57 in Fergus Falls, Minnesota

O) Having Michele Bachman as a Congresswoman.

SUNDAY AUGUST 28, 2011 I'VE GOT MINE, ,MATE!

According to TPM 8/25/11, a spokeswoman for Majority Leader Eric Cantor said, “additional funds for (Irene)disaster relief ought to be offset with spending cuts." What is Eric Cantor's favorite Christian rock song?


A) Who I Am - Casting Crowns

B) Hurricane - Samestate

C) Bring the Rain – MercyMe

D) Is It Raining At Your House – Brad Paisely

E) Four Strong Winds - Johnny Cash

F) Lead Me To The Cross - Chriss and Conrad

G) Walk On Water - Britt Nicole

H) Slow Fade - Casting Crowns

I) Put It On The Alter - Jessica Reedy

J) Empty Me – Chris Sligh

K) Hold Me Jesus – Big Daddy Weave

L) Let The Waters Rise - Mikes Chair

M) This Little Light - Rapture Ruckus

N) Drifting - Plumb

O) Send Your Rain - Clint Brown

FRIDAY AUGUST 26, 2011 RIDING A PALE HORSE

Politico 8/23/'11 - “Conservative elites pine for 2012 hero” Who will come to the rescue of the GOP intellectuals?


A) Arnold Swartzenegger

B) Ronald Regean

C) William F. Buckley Sr.

D) John Wayne

E) Herbert Hoover

F) J.Edgar Hoover

G) Senator Joseph McCarthy

H) General Douglas McAurthur

I) Charlie McCarthy

J) Superman

K) Lex Luthor

L) Lamont Cranston

M) Senator Barry Goldwater

N) Vitto Corlenoe

O) Wonderwoman

SUNDAY AUGUST 21, 2011 DEAD END

According to The Fix (WP 8/19/11) “Bachmann’s campaign was built on buzz.....(says) Democratic pollster Fred Yang, “She may need to find some other issues to grain traction.” What other issue should she shift to?

A) Alien abduction. Chupacabra is just the latest illegal threat.

B) Her pick for Vice President; Rick Perry

C) Home Schooling. A little less home for a lot less school.

D) Blowing the lid off the Jimmy Carter/swine flu/AIDS conspiracy at NIH

E) Achieve the flat tax/no minimum wage non-union heaven in America

F) Raise revenue by marketing our brand: IE, Bryers, the official Ice Cream of America.

G) The number of the U.S. Census is 6-6-6.

H) Florescent lights blind Americans to the green socialist threat.

I) Two dollar a gallon gasoline – it worked for Caesar Chavez.

J) Global warming is a myth caused by people not breathing enough carbon dioxide.

K) Minnesota; America's heartland, not its brain land.

L) Higher education is drug slang for lazy doping unionized teachers

M) The Tea Party is the future-past of America. .

N) Teachers should be replaced with unpaid subservient housewives

O) Lazy unemployed people are responsible for the recession. The nation was doing fine until they went on the public dole.

FRIDAY AUGUST 19, 2011 Empty Words

On Obama's bus tour, the favorite C&W song amongst the White House speech writers was...?


A) STAND BY YOUR MAN Tammy Whynette

B) ONE WAY TICKET LeeAnn Rimes

C) A LITTLE LESS TALK Toby Keith

D) SMOKE RINGS IN THE DARK Cary Allan

E) FISHING IN THE DARK Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

F) I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY Hank Williams

G) LOOKIN' AT THE WORLD THROUGH A WINDSHIELD Del Reeves

H) ARE YOU SURE HANK DONE IT THIS WAY Wayland Jennings

I) A THOUSAND MILES FROM NOWHERE Dwight Yokum

J) THE GAMBLER Kenny Rogers

K) TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT Jonny Paycheck

L) KING OF THE ROAD Roger Miller

M) ALMOST PERSUADED David Houston

N) RHINSTONE COWBOY Glen Cambell

O) HERE YOU COME AGAIN Dolly Parton

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 16, 2011 The Day After....

Since Rick Perry has entered the race, what is Michele Bachman's favorite song?


A) Don't Rain On My Parade   Barbara Streisand

B) Since You Been Gone   Kelly Clarkson


C) Cry Me A River   Justin Timberlake

D) The Show Goes On   Lupe Fiasco

E) Angry Again   Megadeath

F) Till The World Ends   Britney Spears

G) Crazy Girl   Eli Young Band

H) Song For the Dumped   Ben Folds Five

I) Love Done Gone   Billy Currington

J) Let A Ho Be a Ho.    Geto Boys

K) Never Gonna Leave This Bed   Maroon Five

L) If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away   Justin Moore

M) She's Got Issues   The Offspring

N) Don't Stop The Party   Black Eyed Peas

O) Your Own Disaster   Taking Back Sunday

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 2011 Life's A Stage

THIS IOWA STRAW POLE WAS MOST LIKE WHICH BOADWAY PLAY?

A)  Much Ado About Nothing.

B)  How to Succeed in Politics Without Really Succeeding.

C)  Taming The MILF

D)  The Herman Cain Mutiny

E)  The Four Year Itch

F)  Pawlenty's Labor Lost

G)  Tempest In A Tea Party Pot

H)  Deathtrap!

I)  The Book On Mormans

J)  Arsenic And Old Face

K)  Rick Santorum: Bring On The Dark

L)  Sarah Get Your Gun

M)  The Best Little Whorehouse In Iowa

N)  Comedy of Errors in a Press Corpse

O)  The Lyin' King

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 10, 2011 No News Is Good News

Non-Economy catastrophe headlines. And your favorite is...?


A) Doctors Find Uterus In Indian Man (Internet Broadcasting. 8/4/11)

B) Republicans Turned Off By Size of Obama's Package (Reuters 3/9/10 )

C) He Was Naked, On Crack and in Alligator’s Mouth (Seattle Times 12/1/06)

D) Ex-Dictator Broke, Living With Mom (AP 7/25/02)

E) Stephen King Impersonator Steals 5,000 Lobsters (London Independent 10/28/'94)

F) Snakes On The Train! Dozens Flee Rail Terror (SkyNews 5/30/11)

G) Pisa bans penis-themed Leaning Tower trinkets (London Daily Mail 8/5/11)

H) Obama A Maria Carie Fan (The Hindu 12/18/10)

I) Buddhists liberate lobsters (Reuters 8/4/11)

J) O BLINKS - Open to GOP's Plan With No Tax Hike (NY Post )

K) Swedish lesbians forced to pay more for sperm. (http://www.thelocal.se/35424/20110808/ )

L) Breast milk ice cream confiscated over safety concerns (International Business Times 3/1//11)

M) Woman in labor finishes bar exam (Chicago Tribune 8/3/11)

N) Ex-La. gov, 83, marries 32-year-old prison pen pal (AP 7/29/11)

O) New Zealand goldfish survive 134 days without food (AP 7/26/11)

WEDNESDAY AUGUST 3, 2011 AS WE QUICKLY GO DOWN THE DRAIN

Why did Barack Obama want to be President?


A) He thought it would look really good on his resume when he applies for a job at Fox News.

B) He wanted to take ownership of the Bush economy.

C) He had a dream. Of course he never remembers his dreams.

D) He was hoping to remake the image of Democrats as loosers. Now they are really big loosers.

E) He's never failed before. He wanted to try it.

F) Peter Principle. Right, again.

G) It's the only way a guy who looks like him can win on “The Biggest Looser”.

H) Hell, he still hasn't figured out yet why he's a Democrat.

I) He has a secret plan to bankrupt China. It's not a good plan. But it's still a secret.

J) He's President? Of what? Losers anonymous?

K) He wanted to create jobs. Okay, just kidding. He has no idea.

L) He wants to prove you can trust Republicans. And he won't give up until he proves it.

M) I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What was the question, again?.

N) It could be worse. He could be John McCann. Oh, wait... basically he is.

0) His speechwriters haven't told him yet.

SUNDAY, JUNE 31, 2011. AS WE GO DOWN THE DRAIN....

The best thing that can be said about all of the Republican Debt Ceiling proposals is.....


A) They were all very well printed up on very pretty paper, by the very government employees they denigrate.

B) Their very existence proves the failure of home schooling.

C) So far they have avoided the cheap and brutal approach of just labeling all them, “You're Screwed , Americans” versions one through ten.

D) The word Bush does not appear any of them, and yet his fingerprints being all over them.

E) After they fire all the school teachers, nobody will be able to read them.

F) After they fire all the fire fighters, no libraries will be left standing to house them.

G) They have so far avoided asking how much money we could save by “outsourcing “congress.

H) After they fire all the cops, the tax avoiding Wall Street bankers will no longer be getting free police protection.

I) After these idiots are finished trashing America, we will never hear the words Tea Party again.

J) They may finally rid us of Barak Obama, professional witness to great events.

K) We finally know what community Barak Obama is best at organizing – Hoovervilles.

L) We now know when the Daily Show stopped being funny – when Jon Stewart began to blame Democrats for not compromising enough.

M) Middle class Americans now know how it feels to go hunting with Dick Cheney.

N) We now know the most dead end job in America – school nurse.

0) There is nothing “best” about turning America into a slum.

SUNDAY, JULY 24, 2011. I Hate it When The Children Have to Play Indoors!

Readers Digest offers eleven rules for raising a teenager. Which rule do you think would most help John Boehner in dealing with the Tea Party Republicans?


A) Set Rules: The Tea Party does not want you to be their friend. What they need is for you to be a reliable responsible role model worthy of their respect,

B) Don't Debate the Tea Party, Ever.

C) Don't Buy Your Tea Party a Car. Make them earn it.

D) Encourage Sports :Participation – this develops perseverance and cheerfully functioning as a team member.

E) Let the Congress know you in a good way, so that members do not dive under the desk when you approach.

F) Your Tea Party needs rules, else the House chamber begins to seriously resemble a gerbil cage. Some good house rules: No name calling or suggesting the President needs to spend time in a soft padded room.

G) Your Tea Party needs to work....Anything that encourages a work ethic and sense of duty is a good thing.

H) To know your Tea Party, get to know the Tea Party's friends Your goal is to penetrate the veil of secrecy.... by being warm and kind, and by asking questions that don’t sound like an interrogation.

I) Look at your Tea Party daily and it’s okay to stare. Notice any changes in appearance, hygiene, mood, etc.

J) Interact meaningfully with your Tea Party daily, and by that I don’t mean asking, “Did you pass the debt increase yet?”

K) Know that if your Tea Party gets into hot water, he/she may be too embarrassed or afraid of your wrath and disappointment to tell you.

L) . Just when you think your Tea Party Member has learned from his/her mistake, they will make another doozy. Be prepared for this. Remember: the human brain is not fully formed in Tea Party members. Yikes

FRIDAY JULY 22, 2011 Governor Rick Perry Has Entered The Building!

(Thanks to - (http://twitter.com/#!/RickPerryFacts ) The ever confident Governor Rick Perry of Texas is positioning himself for a run for the Presidency. The most likely reason he will win is because......


A) Rick Perry played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won

B) Rick Perry's dog Lucy is trained to pick up her own poop because Rick Perry will not take shit from anyone.

C) Rick Perry can kill two stones with one bird.

D) Rick Perry can whistle in thirteen different languages, including sign language.

E) Ricky Perry doesn't have migraines, migraines have Rick Perrys

F) Rick Perry doesn't cry wolf. He makes Wolf Blitzer cry.

G) Rick Perry defeated Voldemort with the jobus creatus spell

H) Rick Perry eats his eggs raw. Shells on. Twelve at a time. From eagles.

I) Wisconsin used to be just east of Texas until Rick Perry kicked its ass.

J) Superman wears Rick Perry pajamas

K) Sharks have a week dedicated to Rick Perry

L) Rick Perry can, in fact, squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

M) Rick Perry is the only person to win a NASCAR race by making only right turns.

N) Rick Perry once bit off more than he could chew. He just swallowed it whole.

O) Rick Perry doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 2011. AFTER COMMITTING SUICIDE

If the Tea Party succeeds in torpedoing the Republican Party over the debt ceiling, what shall we call the stump GOP that survives the meltdown?



A) Gutted Old Party

B) Grotesque Old Party

C) Grumpy Old Party

D) Gone Over-to-the-dark-side Party

E) Grown Outrageous Party

F) Graduated Organized Psychopaths

G) Ghastly Opaque Party

H) Grumpy Obnoxious and Pusillanimous party

I) Garrulous, Ornery and Petty party.

J) Gospel Obtuse Propaganda party

K) Gullible Old People

L) Grizzled Oblivious Party

M) sour Grapes, Old Prunes

N) Gone Over-the Precipice

O) What's a Republican party?

SUNDAY JULY 17, 2O11 Sing A Song

What would you guess was Dr. Marcus (Mister Michelle) Bachmann's favorite Christian rock song?

A) Dress Me Up  by Olivia Lufkin

B) The Bible Says (God Hates Fags)  by Donnie Davies

C) Stuck In a Glass Elevator  by Myriad

D) Blunt Incision   by Dweeb

E) Pretend  by Rocketboy

F) God Shaped Hole by Plumb

G) Paranoid Schizophrenic Apocalyptic Whisper Kitten by John Reuben

H) Crazy All Around  by Christine Glass

I) Boys (Lesson One)  by Jars of Clay

J) Rise  by Shawn McDonald

K) Master of Disguise  by Family Force Five

L) Lie To Me  by 12 Stones

M) Masquerade  by Reality Check

N) Let It Rise by Big Daddy Weave

O) Secrets and Regrets  byy Pillar

FRIDAY JUNE 15, 2010, In The Never, Never Land of Never, Never

Which song best describes the Republican “No Taxes” Economic Policy?



A) They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa    Jerry Samuels

B)  Mo' Money, Mo' Problems          Notorious B.I.G.

C) Can't Buy Me Love               The Beatles

D) (Mommy) I Can Count to Ten              Music with Mar.

E) 'Cause I’m a Blond.                  Julie Brown

F)  I've Got A Tiger By The Tail              Buck Owens

G) Chemical Imbalance                  Rave and Techno

H) Dis-associative               Marilyn Manson

I) Welcome to the Jungle               Guns 'N Roses

J) Money, Money, Money                 Liza Minnelli

K) I Fall to Pieces           Patsy Cline

L) Its All About the Benjamins             P. Daddy

M) I can't be satisfied                Muddy Waters

N) Zero-Sum            Nine Inch Nails

O) Make The World Go Away      Eddy Arnold

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2011 Lady Gaga and Time Pawlenty

Which Lady Gaga lyric just makes you scream “Tim Pawlenty?!”


A) I lose myself in your mouth.

B) Touch me, to-to-touch me baby. But don't mess up my hair.

C) Ride, ride, pony, ride, ride.

D) The killer queen inside me is coming to say hello

E) I like it rough

F) I've had enough and this is my prayer, that I'll die just as free as my hair.

G) Take a bite of my bad girl meat.

H) I want your horror. I want your design.

I) Dirty, dirty, rich, dirty, rich, rich, dirty

J) Don't be a drag, just be a queen

K) You take just like glitter mixed with Rock and Roll

L) Light me up, put me on top

M) Cherry, cherry, boom, boom. Gaga

N) Grab those tight and fancy bottoms. Don't leave home without 'em.

O) Hooker. Yea, you're my hooker. Hooker. Government hooker.

FRIDAY JULY 1, 2011 Why We Fight

CBS News: 6/30'11: “Speaking on a radio talk show last summer (Rep. Michelle Bachmann's husband) Marcus Bachmann appears to be on record comparing homosexuals to “barbarians" who “need to be educated...they need to be disciplined.” Which quote from Monty Python best describes the Bachmann family ethos?


A) Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

B) I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction.

C) What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

D) We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni....We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.

E) Must be a king...He hasn't got shit all over him.

F) Well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

G) king ehOh,? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

H) Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I) You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

J) If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

K) Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

L) Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

M) Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem [bonk!]

N) How do know so much about swallows? Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

O) What are you gonna do, bleed on me?

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29, 2011 STAND UP FIGHT

Wisconsin State Journal, 6/27/11 :”The Dane County Sheriff's Office is taking over the investigation into allegations that state Supreme Court Justice David Prosser choked colleague Ann Walsh Bradley during an argument the day before the court issued its decision on the controversial measure to curb public worker collective bargaining rights.” What would you say is Justice Prosser's favorite song?


A) Listen To Reason - Bryan Steeksma

B) They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa - Jerry Samuels

C) I Just Died in Your Arms - Cutting Crew

D) I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About - Mayday Parade

E) I Fought the Law and the Law Won - Sonny Curtis

F) Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting - Bernie Taupin

G) American Idiot - Green Day

H) I Fucking Hate You - Godsmack

I) She Fucking Hates Me - Puddle of Mudd

J) Attention, Blah, Blah, Blah - Atom and His Package

K) Tell That Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today - Reuben

L) Ironic - Atlanis Morissette

M) I Really Got A Crush On You - George Gerswin

N) We Threw Gasoline On The Fire And Now We Have Stumps For Arms And No Eyebrows - NOFX

O) You Talk Too Much - Run DMC

SUNDAY, JUNE 26, 2011 Now, I*'m Worried.

 Politico 6/24/11: “President Barack Obama signaled on Friday that he is ready to take over the debt-limit negotiations.” Which Three Stooges quote best describes what you suspect will be Obama's probable negotiating skills?


A) I'm a victim of soicumstance!

B) I'm sorry, Moe, it was an accident!

C) Poifect!

D) Oh, a wise guy, eh?

E) Moe, Larry, the cheese! Moe, Larry, the cheese!

F) Hey! Wake up and go to sleep!

G) What's the big idea?!

H) Oh, a chisler, eh?

I) I'll take some buint toast 'n' a rotten egg...I got a tape woim, 'n' tha's good enough fer 'im.

J) Them's fighting words in my country!...Lucky for you, we're not in my country.

K) Oh, you're an intelligent imbecile!

L) Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!

M) Remind me to murder you later!

N) Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

O) I'm tryin' to think, but nothin' happens!

WEDNESDAY JUNE 22, 2011 Did I Say That?

Huffington Post 6/21/11: On Oct. 5, 2009, (Rep Michelle) Bachmann wrote Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack praising him for injecting money into the pork industry through the form of direct government purchases “...I would encourage you to take any additional steps necessary to prevent further deterioration of these critical industries” What song is the Tea Party favorite now singing to the Tea Party?


A) “Do You Believe in Magic?” – The Lovin’ Spoonful

B) “Cult Of Personality” - Living Color

C) “The Way We Were” – Barbra Streisand

D) “Let’s Stay Together” – Al Green

E) “Cat Scratch Fever” - Ted Nugent

F) “You Give Love a Bad Name” Bon Jovi

G) “Insane in the Brain” - Cypress Hill

H) “I Will Follow Him” – Little Peggy March

I) “Will You Love Me Tomorrow?” – Carole King

J) “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” - Smashing Pumpkins

K) “Money, Power, Respect” - DMX and Lil' Kim

L) “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” – Elvis Presley

M) “Hard Out Here For A Pimp” - Paula Cambell

N) “Can't Play With My Yo-Yo” - Yo-Yo

O) “I Did It My Way” - Frank Sinatra

SUNDAY, JUNE 19, 2011 FORE!

What shall we call the President's golf summit today with the GOP?


A) Putts

B) Caddies With Guns

C) The Great Sell Out of 2011

D) The 2011 “Don't be a Paleface”, Coppertone Tan-Off

E) Dawn of The Dead Agenda

F) Four Under Par.

G) Praying For Rain Out

H) Eight Little White Balls

I) Cheaters

J) Four White Guys Teed Off

K) In The Clubhouse

L) Miniature Golf In The Rough

M) Bogie At Four O'Clock

N) Handicaps

O) Mulligan in 2012

FRIDAY JUNE 17, 2011 ART AND POLITICS

NY Times: 6/16/11: “Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota has made a deal to publish her memoir, selling a book to Sentinel, a conservative imprint at Penguin Group USA.” What title would you suggest?


A) Pride and Prejudice

B) Through the Looking Glass

C) Le Morte d' Michele

D) The Sound and the Fury

E) Infinite Jest

F) A Little Princess

G) Lorna Looney-Bin

H) The Call of the Wild

I) Pippi Long- Diagnoses

J) The Lion, the Witch, and the split personality

K) Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus!

L) Michelle Hears A Who

M) The Little Red Hen: An Old Story

N) Michelle of Sunnybrook Funny Farm

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15, 2011 WHACK A GOP MOLE

The winner of the exciting GOP televised debate was...?


A) Mitt Romney. The religious right failed to see horns.

B) Michelle Bachmann. She managed to stay on her lithium for the full 90 minutes

C) Tim Pawlenty. And tomorrow he may wake up as a real boy

D) Sarah Palin. Ahhh, I can't keep pulling your leg. This let some of the air out of the old bag.

E) CNN. They finally out Republicaned Fox.

F) MSNBC. They got to talk about it without having to carry it.

G) FOX. They took another step in the conversion of CNN into their junior network

H) Roger Ailes. Now all he needs is the jaded monkey.

I) New Hampshire Republicans. Next to Iowa Republicans, they look sane.

J) Iowa Republicans. They maintain the “Look! Its a monkey!” advantage over New Hampshire Republicans.

K) Donald Trump. Don't you miss him, yet?

L) Godfather Pizza. Free publicity is always free.

M) There was a debate?

N) This is like the Pro-Bowl Football Game. It's a charity event.

O) It's six months before the Iowa caucus. That's like six lifetimes in TV dog years.

FRIDAY JUNE 10, 2011 EVERYBODY WANTS TO GET INTO THE ACT!

Which recent New York Post headline do you think was best?


A) Weiner's Shlong Song

B) Is Weiner a Cheater?

C) Nyers; You'll Never Be Mayor 'Crotch'.

D) Disgusted Democrats Letting Weiner Shrivel

E) Senate Leader Throws Weiner Under Bus

F) The dork knight

G) Erections have consequences

H) Weiner Shrinks From View

I) A few holes in skeevy skivvy story

J) Weiner comes up short

K) Weiner hung out to dry

L) 'Tweet' sorrow

M) Weiner on wife support

N) The Beat Goes On

O) Matt Damon pulls out of Weiner fund-raiser (Okay, its the Daily News)

WEDNESDAY JUNE 8, 2011 GLOATING MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

Politico 6/6/11: “Andrew Breitbart “I’m here for some vindication.”” What song should CNN's Dana Bash be singing now?

A) Heroin  Velvet Underground
B) Highway to Hell  AC/DC

C) I Shot the Sheriff   The Wailers

D) I Got You – I Feel Good   James Brown

E) The Harder They Come   Jimmy Cliff

F) Go To The Mirror Boy   The Who

G) Slippin' Into Darkness   War

H) Sexual Healing    Marvin Gale

I) This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land   Woodie Guthrie

J) Welcome To The Jungle    Guns 'N Roses

K) Eve Of Destruction           Barry McGuire

L) Another Brick in the Wall    Pink Floyd

M) Leader of the Pack     The Shangri-Las

N) Search and Destroy     Iggy and the Stooges

SUNDAY JUNE 5, 2011 WHEN IDEOLOGS ATTACK

ABC News – 6/4/11 - Jon Huntsman confirmed...he's "not competing in Iowa,...a conservative, heavily evangelical state...”. What would you suggest as the new Iowa Tourist Board advertising campaign?


A) Iowa. Where common sense is uncommon.

B) Iowa. Farm fed beauty. We don't need brains.

C) 95% of Iowa is heavily fertilized farmland. And we like it that way.

D) Inventing purity tests since we became infallible .

E) After the caucuses, don't give us a thought. We won't.

F) We prize our lunatics, and put them on pedestals. And give them microphones

G) Iowa. Where the 19th century dawns every morning. If it meets our standards.

H) We hate socialism – however we define it.

I) Bending the Republican party to our will since 1980.

J) Come where Ideology trumps humanity. Come to Iowa.

K) Where neighbors love neighbors. As long as they agree with us.

L) Iowa; It begins and ends with “I.”.

M) We love our guns and our freedom. And we hate everybody else.

N) Iowa. Where Christianity has no compassion.

0) Where America's future awaits - 97% white, with underfunded schools, a collapsed health care system, and an economy dependent upon manure

SUNDAY, MAY 29, 2011 TAKING THE TOUR

Ex- Governor Sarah Palin's new tour bus is to be launched this holiday weekend. What would you think would be the best bumper sticker title for it?. he Fundamental Restoration of America Tour”.



A) The Lame Steam Express

B) The Cliché Line

C) The Incoherency Tour

D) The Bada – Ca-Ching Tour!

E) The Torpedo of Truthiness Tour

F) Four Two Scents Tour

G) The Reagan Two To Toot Tour

H) Ego I am

I) The Tweety Bird

J) The Breakdown Lame

K) The Liar Face Off

L) Rolling Blunder

M) The String of Swine Before Pearls Tour - 2011

N) Capitalism-Schism

O) Dumb As Her Posts

FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2011 SUICIDE PACT

“GOP leaders insisted that their Medicare problem was one of message, not policy”; Politico 5/26/11

Which quote best expresses the Republican thinking when passing the Paul Ryan Medicare Kill Bill?

A) It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack. Not rationality. .

B) It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that, I'm sorry.. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting.

C) When fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist, you're doing his will.

D) Okinawa. One way.

E) This is what you get for fucking around with Yakuzas! Go home to your mother!

F) Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.

G) As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion.

H) There's nothing sadistic in my actions. This moment, this is me at my most … masochistic.

I) Some things, once you do, they can never be undone.

J) Clark Kent is how Superman views us...He's weak, he's unsure of himself, he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race

K) You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person. But every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.

L) I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

M) The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan." You know, I've always liked that word, "gargantuan" … I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence

N) I roared and I rampaged and I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point.

O) You and I have unfinished business. And not a goddamn fucking thing you've done in the subsequent four years...is going to change that.

WEDNESDAY MAY 25, 2011 JUST THINKING

According to New York Magazine article, Fox News chief fat-man Roger Ailes wants to be seen as the ultimate G.O.P King-Maker. What is his best diabolical plan to defeat Obama?


A) Glen Who?

B) Accuse Dennis Kucinich of voter fraud on “Dancing With the Stars”.

C) Explore a possible anti-democrat third party – The Narcissus-Manchurian candidate Party? Hire Trump.

D) Explain to Sarah again that MLF means 'Mental Legendary Female'.

E) Suggest Hillary Clinton broker a peace deal between Niccole “Snooki” Polizzi and the bar guy who punched her lights out.

F) Explain to Sarah again that Wales is a part of Great Britain, while “wails” is her speech pattern.

G) Special Report - “What the Dog Saw – On the Road with Mitt Romney”

H) Have the staff create a personality for Tim Pawlenty.

I) Show Newt Gingrich what might have been for him, just before you have him beheaded on “FOX AND FRIENEMIES”

J) Liberal elites ruining the Library of Congress. Reading is Not really fundamental. The myth that smarts is good.

K) Have Gretchen Carlson dye her hair black. See if anybody notices how much she looks like Sarah.

L) Explain to Sarah again that Jack Sparrow is not the leader of the Somalia Pirates gang

M) Muslim Brotherhood actually a pro-Democratic front group

N) Michelle Backmann show - Wonder Woman – She wonders about lots of things.

O) Explain to Sarah again that the Bronx Bombers is not a crack Air Force unit.

FRIDAY, MAY 20th, 2011 READ ANY GOOD BOOKS, LATELY?

Which Dr. Suess book would you suggest as bedside reading for Republicans forced to run on the Ryan “Kill Medicare” budget?


A) Daisy-Head(ed) Mayzie (is my Majority Whip)

B) If I Ran The Zoo (I'd toss Ryan to the wolves)

C) Oh, the Places You'll Go (once you're out of politics)

D) Mr. (Scott) Brown Can Moo! Can You?

E) I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today

F) In A People House (where the Tea Party is not allowed)

G) The Foot (in my mouth) Book

H) Hunches in Bunches (is how our party thinkers think)

I) Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are (not to be a Republican)?

J) Would You Rather Be A Bullfrog (than a Republican right now)?

K) I'm Not Going To Get Up Today.

L) I Wish I Had Duck Feet (cause I'd waddle right out of here)

M) Wacky Wednesday (when we voted for that damn budget)

N) Please Try To Remember The First Octember (cause' we're skipping November from now on)

O) How the Grinch Stole Christmas

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2010 LOVE LETTERS IN THE SAND

Marlin Stutzman (R-Ind.) says that “Newt Gingrich is just out of touch.” and the Wall Street Journal has attacked him as well. What song should be Newt's theme song?

A)   I Will Survive”  Cake

B)   “(I Just) Died In Your Arms”  Cutting Crew

C)  "Back Off Bitch"  Guns and Roses.

D)  “Dazed and Confused” Led Zeppelin 

E)  “The Great Pretender” The Platters

F)  “Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now”  The Smiths

G)  “Money (That's What I Want)”   Barrett Strong 

H)  “The Tracks of My Tears”  The Miracles

I)  “Personality Crisis” New York Dolls 

J)  “You Really Got Me”   The Kinks

K)  “Money (That's What I Want)” Barrett Strong 

M)  “Slippin' Into Darkness”   War

N)  “Born Under a Bad Sign”   Albert King

O)  “This Land Is Your Land”   Woody Guthrie    

SUNDAY MAY 15, 2011 MIX AND MATCH

With a growing field of candidates, which character combination do you think would best be to Republican's tastes?


A) Mitt Johnson Pawlenty Palin

B)  Jon-Paul Daniels

C)  Mitt Santorum Backman Paul

D)  Newt Pawlenty Backmann

E)  Sarah Huntsman Santorum

F)  Mike Christie Rick Cain

G)  Ron Romney Michelle

H)  Herb Trumps Bachmann

I)  Gary Palin Christie

J)  Donald Huntsman Huckabee Cain

K)  Huntsman Newt Herb

L)  Michelle Christie Bachmann Pawlenty

M)  Ron Pawlenty Santorum

N)  Newt Bolton Bachmann

O) Herb Johnson Pawlenty Santorum

SATURDAY MAY 14, 2011 REWIND

Newton Leroy Gingrich's 2012 campaign slogan is “Together We Will Win the Future”. What will be his 2012 campaign's subtext?


A) “Leaving the old America for a younger hotter America.”

B) “The Newt Patriot - I regret that I have only one wife to give for my country!”

C)  The New eye of Newt! No longer an Old Wife's Tale.

D)  Phantom of the Republican Opera

E) Newt-ering conservative Americans since 1994.

F)  Old white-fart giraffe hunter shooting his mouth off. .

G)  The repeat pro-marriage candidate.

H)  This time, the unadulterated Newt. I promise.

I)  Eighty-three of eighty-four ethics charges can't be wrong.

J)  A swelled prostate has finally made him trustworthy.

K)  The ego and Viagra kid.

L)  He repeats on you, again and again.

M)  A fundamentalist Baptist-Catholic.

N)  The Repeat Offender

O)  The Pro-Latino el Newto Gingricho Not-Agin-oh

SUNDAY MAY 8, 2011. SETTING STANDARDS

At the GOP Debate, Herman Cain said, “I’m proud of the fact, quite frankly, that I haven’t held public office before.” Which previous occupation do you think the Tea Party would prefer their nominee to have previously worked at?


A)  A Phd candidate in Black Studies

B)  The kid who cuts my lawn on Saturday afternoon

C)  The kid who steals my car on Saturday night

D)  A Community Organizer

E)  The S.O.B. C.E.O. who runs my health insurance company

F)  A used car salesman

G)  The S.O.B. C.F.O. of a Wall Street Bank

H)  A corporate billionaire who sees being elected as a lateral move

I)  A Televangelist

J)  A home schooled graduate of a televangelist university trained medical doctor

K)  A home schooled graduate of a televangelist university trained economist.

L)  Any one who can repeat the phrase - “Business good, government bad.”

M)  Any one willing to believe The Flintstones is reality TV

N)  Any one who doesn't make the average Tea Party'er feel stupid.

O)  Anyone who is not Barak Obama

FRIDAY, MAY 6, 2011. THE MOUTH THAT ROARED

Donald Trump now says he won't be driving the Pace Car at the Indy 500 because , “Time and business constraints make my appearance...impossible to fulfill.” So what will the Trump be doing on Sunday, May 30th , instead?


A) Tracking down Obama's high school home room teacher...and having her killed by a crack a team of Old Navy sales clerks.

B) Firing whatever idiot suggested he run for President.

C) Having his ego re-inflated.

D) Recovering from that six story fall off his ego.

E) Enjoying a picnic while a flunky explains what Memorial Day memorializes.

F) Removing the White hoods from all his Snuggies.

G) Beginning his campaign to have every unflattering word that rhymes with Trump removed from the Trump dictionary – beginning with “Strump”, “Slump”, “Dump” and “That-ego-maniac-jackass-Donald- Trump.”

H) Laying the groundwork for his cover story – he was actually kidding / doing the President a favor / mocking the Republicans / he actually won the election already but want to take the pay cut.

I) Hiring more over-the-hill actors and “reality” celebrities to genuflect at his feet for fifteen or twenty minutes.

J) Re-reading his book, “Rich people are so much smarter than poorer peoples”

K) Collaborating on his his new book, “You too can turn $35 million into $5 million by making a public ass out of yourself”

L) Selling his reputation on E-bay.

M) Riding Gary Busey like he was a unicycle.

N) Minutely examining his naval.

O) Something so important that youse could never imagine, because, yo, youse are not as smart as he is.

WEDNESDAY MAY 4, 2011 LAST WILL AND TESTIMENT

In Osama Bin Laden's last  will, what will be his final bequest to the Republican Party?

A)   Two dates; November 8, 2012, and January 20^th, 2013. (Obama's election and inauguration day)

B)   His favorite spotter scope.

C)  His Sammy Davis Jr. and Moshe Dayan poster collection

D)  Dick Cheney

E)  His water wings.

F)  “A donation has been made in your name to the Bipolar Research Foundation.”

G)   A lifetime membership in the “Jr. Bomb Thrower Club”.

H)   His personal collection of half-assed justifications for asinine and self defeating policy choices.

I)   A simple note: “Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.”

J)   A bill for “services rendered”.

SUNDAY, MAY 1, 2011. THE BIRTH OF THE BLUES

Now that the “Birthers” have lost their raison d'être, which quote from the “Hitchhikers' Guide to the Universe” series would be their best new Zeitgeist?

A)  “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

B)  We have normality, I repeat we have normality...Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem."

C)  If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now

D)  In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

E)  There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. Now concentrate!"

F)  Reality is frequently inaccurate.

G)  "The statistical likelihood...is that other civilizations will arise...Till then there will be a short delay.  Please return to your seat.”

H)  To summarize: it is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule...are, ipso facto, those least suited... to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

I)  “...you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.”

J)   Once you know what it is you want to be true, instinct is a very useful device for enabling you to know that it is.

K)  “...either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or...physics had a lot of catching up to do."

L)  "Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know...Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen."

M)  A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
 
N)  At the center of an uncertain and possibly illusionary universe there would always be tea.
 
O)  “Don't give any money to the unicorns, it only encourages them.”
 
P)  Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

FRIDAY APRIL 29, 2011

 “The Donald” says he has “accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish”. What exactly did he accomplish?

A)  He became the mouth that snored.

B)  He managed to make Sarah Palin sound sane.

C)  He made everyone with a New York accent sound dumber than anybody from the Jersey Shore.

D). He made me want to throw up.

E)  He made selfish rich people look really, really small.

F)  He made big government look like a friend-in need.

G)  He made me realize that being a Republican Presidential candidate was the perfect career choice for an ignorant blow-hard like him.

H)  He made me realize that his shit don't stink, compared to the stench when he opens his mouth.

I)   He proved Benjamin Franklin right, when he said “People wrapped up in themselves make small packages”.

J)  He forced President Obama to prove the obvious. Again.

K)  He gave ignorant racists a bad name.

L)  He made it certain there would be no progressive challenge to Obama.

M) He killed a little time while the media whores waited for the Royal Wedding.

N)  He killed the next season of Celebrity Apprentice

O)  He made himself look like a complete and total jackass. And nobody can do that better than him.

SUNDAY, APRIL 24, 2011. TWEEDLE DUM AND TWEEDLE DEE

What is the biggest difference between Ex-Nevada Senator John Ensign and Donald Trump?

A)  Ensign has a better toupee.

B)  After being caught telling lies piled upon lies, Ensign apologized.

C)  Ensign convinced people to give him their votes. Trump convinced people to give him their money.

D)  Ensign thinks he's God's gift to women. Trump thinks he's God's gift to everybody.

E)  Ensign will hump anything in a dress. Trump will hump anything with a wallet.

F)  Ensign's parents spent $96,000 to buy their son out of trouble. Trump's parents gave him $35 million just for being born.

G)  Ensign has proven to be morally bankrupt. Trump has been bankrupt several times.

H)  John Ensign is a lapsed fundamentalist Christian. Trump is fundamentally a schmuck

I)  John Ensign lies about who he's been screwing. Trump screws the people he's been been lying to.

J)  John Ensign's ego is bigger than his dick. Donald Trump is a dick.

K)  John Ensign thinks God is on his side. Donald Trump thinks he is God.

L)  John Ensign thinks his own poop don't smell. Donald Trump loves the smell of his own poop.

M)  John Ensign believes he is carrying out God's will. Donald Trump don't even carry anybody elses' bags.

N)  John Ensign disgusts me. Donald Trump makes me want to throw up.

0)  Donald Trump is a likeable rouge. There is nothing likeable about John Ensign.