FRIDAY, JULY 13. 2012 THROWING STONES

National Journal survey: House GOP's female staffers average about $10 K less per year then male staffers. How should the GOP explain this?

A) Let them eat wedding cake

B) The girls don't have families to support

C) They would just use the extra money to get abortions

D) Traditional family values

E) Its the David Vitter “prostitute allowance”

F) Well, its certainly not part of any war on women

G) Yes, but we didn't pay Mark Foley's male page, anything!

H) Oops?

I) The National Journal is a socialist mouthpiece

J) Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails cost more than sugar and spice

K) But the guys don't get flowers on Secretaries' Day

L) Girls spend more time in the bathroom, so hourly it evens out

M) Just following National Restaurant Association guidelines, and tipping is allowed

N) The Congressman will get back to you.

O) There are women on my staff?

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2011 A GINGRICH TOO FAR

Which is your favorite Newt Gingrich pun and/or alliterationphrase?


A) The Walking Newtonian Physic

B) The Phony Acrimony-ist

C) The All New-t Gingrich

D) Newt Grinch-rich

E) The Grince that roared.

F) The Grince that bored

G) Neurtured Gingrich

H) Newt and unimproved.

I) The Same Old New-t.

J) Grindy Gingrich

K) The $60,000 Man.

L) A Fred Mertz Body With a Cary Grant Ego.

M) “Autotomy”; when a newt grows a new tail. When Newt grows a new tale; Bullshit.

N) A Serial Liar.

O) “It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.” The Gingrich Who Stole Christmas

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2011 DON'T SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TO.

What is the one sentence staffers have told will lead to immediate termination if they should ever utter to candidate Herman Cain?


A) Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates

B) Yo, I'm walking here..

C) Gentlemen, you can't fight here; This is the War Room!

D) Wait a minute, wait a minute – you ain't heard nothing yet.

E) Soylent Green is people!

F) You're going out a yongster, but your coming back a star

G) Nobody puts baby in a corner

H) I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too.

I) Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!

J) Toga, toga, toga, toga, toga

K) Greed, for lack of a better word, is good.

L) I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore

M) What we got here is a failure to communicate

N) All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

O) “Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.”

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2011 WORDS TO LIVE BETTER BY

Which one of these proverbs from Poor Richard's Almanac, best describes the Republican majority in Congress?


A) There is much difference between imitating a good man, and counterfeiting him.

B) Blame-all and Praise-all are two blockheads.

C) Whate’er’s begun in anger ends in shame.

D) Fools multiply folly.

E) A good Lawyer, a bad Neighbour.

F) Approve not of him who commends all you say.

G) The poor man must walk to get meat for his stomach, the rich man to get a stomach to his meat.

H) Laws like to Cobwebs catch small Flies, Great ones break thro’ before your eyes.

I) Here comes the Orator! with his Flood of Words, and his Drop of Reason.

J) One Mend-fault is worth two Findfaults, but one Findfault is better than two Makefaults.

K) He that lives upon Hope, dies farting.

L) Here comes Courage! that seiz’d the lion absent, and run away from the present mouse.

M) The rotten Apple spoils his Companion.

N) He that speaks much, is much mistaken.

O) Would you persuade, speak of Interest, not of Reason.