SUNDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2012. WHY THE CLIFF?

A new Washington Post/ABC news poll says 72% of Republicans are afraid about the future, while only 34% of Democrats are. Why is the greatest cause of GOP fear?

A) Fox News

B) Impatient for “The Rapture”(@)

C) Mostly stupid, old, white men, anyway

D) Heavily invested in the Mayan Apocalypse

E) They subscribe to the Catholic Archbishops' newsletter

F) They eat only Papa John's Pizza

G) Long time Ted Nugent fans

H) Have never smoked marijuana

I) Approaching same percentage of population with pacemakers

J) Basically they're all drama queens

K) Tea Party Doomsday

L) Never watched the Big Lebowski – The dude abides, man.

M) They have always known nobody likes them

N) They ran out of answers, and assumed the questions were also done

O) Because they know what self destructive assholes Republicans really are.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2012 DOOMSDAY AFTERALL

What does Speaker Boehner do next?

A) Cry

B) Sob

C) Sniffle

D) Weep

E) Golf

F) Blubber

G) Keen

H) Snivel

I) Lament

J) Howl

K) Bawl

L) yowl

M) Whimper

N) Mourn

O) Retire

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011 - SHOOT FIRST AND NEVER ASK

What will be Mike Huckabee's next explanation for Newtown?

A) The devil made his mother buy the gun

B) The devil made his mother leave the gun unlocked

C) Just more proof that women are Satan's workers, witches and temptresses

D) All Christians should be Christian soldiers

E) God uses assault weapons to tempt humans to do evil

F) An armed first grader is a safe first grader

G) More gun sales, good

H) They never would have crucified Jesus if he'd been armed

I) Guns don't kill children. They just help

J) A smaller clip would have just increased the fear while Lanza reloaded.

K) This will never happen again. The school is closed. What more can we do?

L) All school children should buy Mike Huckabee's new book, to slow the bullets

M) Nobody kills home school children except their own parents

N) Pry this 60 clip magazine from my cold, dead, stupid hands!

O) Keep your eyes closed while leaving the school yard.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2012 OPEN MOUTH. INSERT FOOT

Politico 11/1/12: “Donald Trump said Thursday it was a “very, very sad day” after (Obama) did not meet his noon deadline...” What's next for The Donald?

A) Another bankruptcy – just to take his mind off his TV ratings

B) His upcoming lawsuit after NBC cancels his TV show

C) Uncovering the conspiracy to lower his ratings

D) His audition for next SNL cast. He does a great Donald Trump impersonation!

E) His next foreign born wife

F) His new war against Barbara Walters

G) Diction lessons to emphasize his accent

H) Changing the name of Trump Towers to Dump Towers

I) Next time, he will actually show his ass to the camera

J) Was Mayor Bloomberg really born in Israel?

K) Revealing it was all a pro-Obama black-op

L) Going back to school – to earn his MBA for real this time

M) Paying the $1 million bet he made with Romney, he could get Obama to bite

N) Giving an ego transplant to a needy “inner-city” child

O) Starring in “Trump's Really,.Really Big Production of “Oklahoma!”

P) Basking in warmth of no one realizes he is not a producer of “The Apprentice”  

FRIDAY OCTOBER 26, 2012 OCTOBER SURPRISE

President Barak Obama on The Donald- Tonight Show 10/24/12: "It all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya.” What is the most likely reason Kenya-Donald hated Kenya-Obama?”

A) Obama voted “Most likely to be American President”

B) Donald voted “Most likely to steal a water Buffalo”

C) Obama voted class president

D) Donald voted “Poofy Haired Devil”

E) Obama was A+ student

F) Donald was a student

G) Obama headed village law review

H) Donald headed village Miss Kenya beauty pageant

I) Obama built village development agency

J) Donald built 5 story grass hut casino – which went bankrupt

K) Obama looks American

L) Donald looks at himself in a mirror, constantly

M) Obama graduated Harvard law

N) Donald graduated “Whatsamatter U” real estate school

O) The Donald just naturally hates anybody not impressed with The Donald

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2012 - SUE CHEF

What title would you suggest for Paul Ryan's new cookbook?

A) Kitchen Props

B) Atlas Scrubbed

C) Soup too Nuts

D) The Yeast You Can Do

E) Cooking for Parasites

F) Galt Free Cooking

G) Cooking Objectively

H) The Grater of Two Evils

I) Forgetting the Pasta

J) The Gruel Chef

K) A Pinch of Galt

L) A Lot of Galt

M) Chef Boy-Are-Dumb

N) The Starvation Diet

0) Food for Thought 

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2012 THE WORM TURNS

Which did Mitt Romney's debate performance most remind you of?

A) Any zombie in 3^rd Season premier of The Walking Dead

B) Stalker Rose on 2 ½ Men

C) Jacqueline on Real Housewives of New Jersey

D) Anybody on Guys With Kids

E) Chris Griffin on Family Guy

F) Larry Bird on The Neighbors

G) Any body on CSI

H) Reese on Malcolm in the Middle

I) Kang the Klingnon from the Original Star Trek

J) Boss J.D. Hogg on The Dukes of Hazzard

K) Anna from V

L) Ben Linus on Lost

M) Lucifer on Supernatural

N) Charles Logan on 24

O) Shane on The Walking Dead

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 30. 2012 YOUR AKIN HEART

Which metaphor do you think best describes Missouri Republican Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin?

A) Sexist pig

B) Neanderthal pig

C) Right-wing pig

D) Porky Pig

E) Occupant of the porcine throne

F) Media hog

G) Rumpled pigskin

H) Akin to snort

I) S'nout a gentleman

J) A real boar

K) Igpay idiotay

L) Universal slop dispenser

M) Sow-sage grinder

N) Ham hockey puck

O) Typical Tea Party Pig

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2012 AND THEN I SAID...

Politico: 9/25/12 – Paul Ryan (and other GOP operatives) have begun referring to Mitt Romney as “The Stench”. What do you think will be their next nickname for their nominee?

A) Whats-his-name

B) Who?

C) What?

D) Why?

E) Richie Rich

F) The un-Santorum

G) The Not Newt

H) Schmuck faced doody-head

I) Buzz kill

J) Mr. 1%

K) Mr. 47%

L) Loser

M) The Shadow

N) The Hulk

O) Not my fault

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2012 A LITTLE OFF THE TOP

What is Mitt Romney's favorite tax deduction?

A) Cake - lots and lots of cake

B) Dependent deduction for Rafalca

C) Long term capital Bain deduction

D) Grecian formula (industrial strength)

E) Carmel One Hispanic theatrical makeup

F) $10 million loss – Auric Goldfinger investments

G) $3 million - flights to Cayman Island to audit investments

H) Annual travel deduction for Seamus IV and V

I) $10k gambling loss – Rick Perry

J) $1 million - Spanish language lessons

K) $5 million – Mandarin language lessons

L) $10 million – female language lessons

M) Charity – Cruella De Vil “ruff-top” fund

N) $4 million – blue collar costumes

O) Investment consultant – Lucius Malfoy

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 16, 2012 ALL POLITICS IS LOCAL

Politico 9/14/'12; Senate Republicans are buying time in (red state) Indiana. Despite candidate Richard (Insanely great) Mourdock''s public statements, what does this ad buy tell you about GOP beliefs?

A) Taxpayers are not slaves

B) “Politics” is not inflicting your opinion on someone else

C) Bipartisanship is not converting Democrats into Republicans

D) Being a loud jackass is not a functional political philosophy

E) “Smart” is not an insult

F) A dribble glass is not art

G) Not even all Hoosiers think arson is a valid economic theory

H) The Tea Party is a political herpes – even in Indiana

I) Mr. Mourdock may be too dumb to win a spitting contest with a sand flea

J) A speed bump does not justify a Senator's salary

K) The pundits will later insist they knew he could never win

L) Mourdock will not be gracious – win or lose

M) Vulgar always sells – to adolescents

N) You can fool all of the people some of the time – etc, etc., etc.

O) Mitt is not helping the down ticket.  

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012 OR REMOVE ALL DOUBT

What great historical events should Mitt Romney have provided political guidance on?

A) Valley Forge

B) The Edsel

C) Euro Disney

D) Jay Leno at 10PM

E) John Carter (On Mars)

F) Crystal Pepsi

G) Opening Al Capone's Vault

H) John McCain for President 2008

I) Custer's Last Stand

J) Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin breakup

K) Tet 1968

M) Hale Barry as “Cat woman”

N) The Great Depression

O) Pearl Harbor

P) The next Kardashian wedding

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2012 FAILURE TO LAUNCH WELL

Politico 9/9.'12: “The Romney campaign...privately lament that state-by-state polling numbers — most glaringly in Ohio — are working in the president’s favor.” Why don't the American people love Mitt Romney?

A) His pollsters haven't told him yet. But then he'll know

B) He looks more like a head waiter than a President

C) Its the Cayman Islands IRA

D) Its the Swiss bank account

E) Its the Cayman Island and Swiss bank accounts

F) Sounds like he's lying when he's being honest. Also when he's lying

G) Ronald Reagan’s Grecian formula looked more natural then Mitt's real hair

H) The last time Mitt was honest was in 1973 -or there about's.

I) He looks more like a villain on Scooby-Doo, than a President

J) He gave his testicles to The Tea Party, expecting them to be returned in November.

K) Stingy. He reeks of stingy

L) He is not a salesman. Mitt was in acquisitions

M) He looks more like a mortician than a President

N) He reminds you of the rich relative who never cooks for family pot luck dinners

O) Almost as wooden as Pinocchio, but without the adorable nose thing

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2012. A PRINCE AMONG KINGS

Huffington Post 9/7/'12: “Russian President Vladimir Putin is reportedly planning to put on a fake beak and fly a motorized hang-glider to lead a flock of endangered young Siberian white cranes on part of their migration to Asia ” What will be Putin's next feat?

A) Bitch slap the Dos Equis guy

B) Money manager operating Romney's Cayman Islands 401K

C) Re-discovering Ayn Rand's long forgotten “warm and fuzzy” children's book.

D) Kristen Stewart's next boyfriend

E) Making the Music Video Awards seem relevant

F) Building up Simon Cowell's ego

G) Deprograming Tom Cruise

H) Deprgraming Paul Ryan

I) Debugging Joe Biden

J) Two words – “Hispanics for Romney”

K) Teaching anger management to Allen (“81 Democrats are commies”) West

L) Marriage counselor to Mary Matalin and James Carvelle

M) H&R Block accountant preparing Mitt Romney's 2011 return

N) Guest lecturer for “trickle-down” economics course

O) Electing Drew Peterson “Husband of the Year”

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2. 2012. ONE STAR TOO MANY

After Thursday night's performance at the RNC, which re-named Eastwood movie would you pay to see?

A) The High Brains Drifter

B) The Soon-to-be-Dead Pool

C) Hang 'Em Up!

D) The One Forgetful

E) Farts of Our Fathers

F) The Old Man Mostly Wales

G) The Befuddled

H) Escape from Alka Seltzer

I) Honky Chair-man

J) Pale Chider

K) White Hunter, Yellow Teeth

L) Mystic Drivel

M) Old Codger's Bluff

N) Invective Gus

O) Milk of Magnesium Force

SUNDAY, AUGUST 26, 2012. BIG STORM RISING!

Which will do the most damage to the Republican Party this week?

A) Hurricane Todd Akin

B) Those nude photos of Prince Harry

C) CNN booth collapses for lack of interest.

D) No opening speech by Florida Governor Rick Scott

E) Snooki is in labor! All media rush to cover birth of new Jersey queen

F) Bristol Palin on Dancing With The Stars

G) Mitt Romney's acceptance speech

H) Any one of the 20 strip clubs in Tampa

I) Donald Trump demands to know if newborn Obama was circumscribed – crowd chants “Show me the fore-skin!”

J) Wild crazy enthusiastic Romney floor demonstrations get out of hand – trash the hall

K) Entire Fox News team trapped is up Paul Ryan's ass. Tampa Fire Rescue is unable to free them

L) Arizona delegates sneak a cooler in and start selling beer at $4 a can - riot breaks out.

M) TV Ratings fall so low, the only American left watching is Rachel Maddow.

N) Entire Maine delegation falls asleep. Is mistaken for dead and given last rights.

O) Hurricane Isaac makes a right turn and parks over Tampa. Convention center, filled with Republican activists, floats into the gulf and sinks in non-existent BP oil spill.

FRIDAY AUGUST 24, 2012 AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH

What will be the Republican's favorite in-room movie at their Tampa Convention?

A) Ice Age: Gynecological Drift

B) Todd Akin On Mars

C) Snow White and the Huntsman and the Transvaginal Ultrasound Exam

D) Hymen Games

E) Abraham Lincoln: Vagina Hunter

F) Mission Impossible: Paul Ryan in the Tampon Tunnel

G) The Expandibles 

H) Kung Fu Cervix 

I) The Boehner Legacy

J) Wrath of the Blastocyst

K) Underwear: Rise of the Lycra

L) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Uteran Tides

M) Transformers: Dark of the Fallopian tubes

N) Reince Priebus and the Chamber of Secretions

0) Total Recall: Scream 4 Your Life

SUNDAY, AUGUST 19, 2012 PROOF OF LIFE

This week NASA's Rover “Curiosity” will begin its first drive, 1,600 feet across the Martian landscape. Which discovery would you consider best proof of intelligent life on Mars?

A) There is no Republican party on Mars

B) Fossilized Micro-bacteria cells

C) A locked file cabinet containing Mitt Rooney’s complete 2006 – 2009 tax returns

D) Extensive methane-hydrate deposits

E) Subterranean strata of empty Tang jars

F) An 8-track tape of William Shatter singing “Mr. Tambourine Man”

G) There is no Mars edition of Vogue

H) An abandoned Krispy Creme donut shop

I) You cannot buy a Martian Amway dealership - yet

J) The secret retirement homes of Tom Delay, Alan Greenspan, and Ken Lay (Yeah, right. He's dead. Uh      

    huh.)

K) The bodies of three laid-off joke writers from the Tonight Show

L) A very unflattering painting of Anna Wintour

M) TLC has yet to develop a Martian “reality” show

N) No “home-schooling” on Mars

O) “Atlas Shrugged” still not considered literature, on Mars 

FRIDAY, AUGUST 17, 2012 POPULARITY CONTEST

Huffington Post 8/14/'12:"Just 10% of Americans approve of Congress...while 60% of voters agreed "this is the worst Congress ever.” What ad slogan should Republican incumbents use?

A) I'm Batman

B) Time to make Donuts!

C) Just don't do it. In fact, just don't do anything

D) Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

E) So easy, even a caveman can do it. But they don't

F) When it absolutely, positively has to not get done

G) Sometimes it feels like a right wing nut. Well, most times

H) The slower picker upper

I) Be less than you can be

J) Think outside the job

K) Give a hoot. Its okay to pollute

L) Calgon, take me away Also, Citibank and the Koch brothers.

M) Please don't squeeze the bankers

N) Reach out and shaft someone

O) The UnCongressman

SUNDAY, AUGUST 12, 2012 BALZAC

CNN 8/12/'12: “Mitt Romney was the chief of the audit committee for Marriott...when it used(.the “most abusive tax avoidance scheme in American history”)...'Son of Boss' ” But what is Mitt's favorite tax scheme?

A) Hooker of Boss

B) Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine

C) Gringotts Wizarding Fund

D) One Selfish Prick

E) Greed, Graft and Gut

F) Only Little People Pay Taxes

G) Heh, Heh, Heh

H) Bernie Madoff Thought Small

I) The Happy Miser

J) Vaults of Mystery

K) Rafalca

L) Tax Shelters are People Too

M) Scrooge

N) The Manchurian Fund

O) Grand Theft Legal

FRIDAY, AUGUST 10, 2012 WHAT I MEANT TO SAY

New Yorker 8/3/'12: Porn queen Jenna Jameson clarifies her endorsement of Mitt Romney: "He’s the only person who’s assumed more positions than I have.” Which of her films' titles best explains her endorsement?

A) Camera Sutra

B) Lip Service

C) Porn 'n Chicken

D) I love lesbians

E) Udderly Ridiculous

F) Jenna's Revenge

G) Where the Boys Aren't 17

H) Ms. Behaved

I) Zombie Strippers

J) Philmore Butts Taking Care of Business

K) Horrorween

L) Blue Movie

M) On Her Back

N) Convention Cuties

O) Jenna's Depraved  

SUNDAY, AUGUST 5, 2012 DEADLINE HEADLINE

Politico headline – 8/04/'12: “Sarah Palin: Senate Kingmaker” What should Gov. Palin's new royal title be?

A) Her Royal Highness of Loony-tunes

B) Princess of Hockey-Hicky

C) Duchess of Drillbaby

D) The Lady Ionna Gun

E) The Lady Anita Morroom

F) Dame Emma Pig

G) Princess of Kay Oz

H) Baroness Rapete Fender

I) Princess of En Sanity

J) Duchess of Doomsday

K) Grand Duchess of Egomania

L) Baroness of the No Weir

M) Dame of Dumb

N) Viscountess of Venal

O) Queen of DeNile

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3, 2012 MANY HAPPY RETURNS

What is the most likely reason Mitt Romney will not release his tax returns?

A) He's actually only worth about $2 million

B) Huge buy of Facebook IPO

C) Tax deduction for tap dancing lessons for Rafalca.

D) Major shareholder in “Soylent Green Corporation”

E) Income from something called the “Manchurian Candidate Fund”

F) Charity donations listed as “For the little people”

G) Deductions for elevators for his cars, and a spa and a tennis court for his golf carts

H) Life time donations to ASPCA - $0

I) Occupation listed as “Aristocrat”

J) Still filing 1040X amended returns for 2008

K) He used H&R Block

L) His 2006 return reads only, “How dare you!”

M) His real home address - Cleveland

N) Did not pay off his student loans

O) Primary shareholder in “Spray-on Tan Inc.”

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1, 2012 REMEMBERING GORE VIDAL

Which is your favorite Gore Vidal quote?

A) I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television

B) A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

C) Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little

D) 50% of people won't vote, and 50% don't read newspapers. I hope it's the same 50%

E) There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise.

F) Andy Warhol is the only genius I've ever known with an I.Q. of 60

G) By the time a man gets to be presidential material, he's been bought ten times over

H) Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age.

I) Never have children, only grandchildren

J) Our form of democracy is bribery, on the highest scale.

K) That loyal retainer of the Chase Manhattan Bank, the American president.

L) There's a lot to be said for being nouveau riche, and the Reagans mean to say it all

M) Write something, even if it's just a suicide note

N) All in all, I would not have missed this century for the world

O) In writing and politicking, it's best not to think about it, just do it.

SUNDAY, JULY 29, 2010 UPPER CLASS TWIT OF THE YEAR

Which is your favorite (real) British press reaction to Mitt Romney?

A) Mitt the Twitt.

B) The Golden Gaffe

C) The No Where Man.

D) Should Have Stayed at a Holiday Inn Express.

E) A Charm Offensive...More Offensive, Than Charming

F) We are speechless

G) Party Pooper Romney

H) Good God, what is he going to say to China?

I) Just Daft

J) Isn’t even qualified to represent the U.S. as a tourist

K) The American Borat

L) Total car crash. Worse than Sarah Palin.

M) Devoid of Charm, Warmth, Humour or Sincerity

N) Romney is a “wazzock”

O) Do we have a new Dubya on our hands?

FRIDAY, JULY 27, 2012. OPEN MOUTH, INSERT FOOT

The London Telegraph 7/25/2012: “one (Romney adviser) suggested...We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage...” What is the strongest tie between Romney and Great Britain?

A) Buckingham Guards bearskin caps and Mitt's hair require the same grease

B) Their empires were both built on the backs of the working class

C) Face to face they find each other “disconcerting”

D) Neither one drinks coffee

E) Both treat their queen with respect but give her no power

F) Both still think disco is “radical”, they just define the word differently

G) Their common enemy has always been the Catholic Church

H) One is stiff and dull and both think its the other one

I) Both are too polite to tell the truth

J) Neither one really likes the Canadians

K) Both think the other one likes them, and both are wrong

L) Both prefer to think of modern England as white

M) Neither trust the other one to run the world

N) Neither one publicly admits to liking the French

O) Both think the modern Republican Party is filled with idiots

SUNDAY, JULY 22, 2012 - COMIC CON-servative

Bane - villain of the Dark Knight Rises - is a homonym for Mitt Romney's equity firm, Bain Capital. But what is Romney's ultimate Batman villain?

A) Clayface - Also known as (AKA) Mitt Romney

B) The Actuary – AKA Romney's $405 million IRA in the Cayman Islands

C) The Sewer King – AKA Karl Rove

D) The Joker – AKA Donald Trump

E) Penny Plunder – AKA Ex-Governor Sara Palin

F) Professor Pyg – AKA Charles Krauthammer

G) Mr. Freeze – AKA JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon

H) The Riddler – AKA Rep. John Boehner

I) Poison Ivy – AKA Rep Michele Bachmann

J) False-Face – AKA Senator Mitch McConnell

K) The Spook – AKA Governor John Sununu

L) The Ventriloquist – AKA Billionaire Sheldon Adelson

M) The Penguin – AKA Newt Gingrich

N) Phosphorus Rex - AKA Rep. John Bohner

O) The Tax Man – AKA the tax man

FRIDAY, JULY 20, 2012 CONSPIRACY THEORY

Gallup Poll: Congress's approval rating in June fell to 16 %. Who are most likely members of that 16%?

A) Half the members of congress and staff

B) The Ewing family of Dallas

C) Fox News

D) Mr. C. Montgomery Burns

E) Rand Paul and immediate family

F) Publisher of “A Dummy's Guide to being a Congress-person”

G) Gus Firing (Breaking Bad)

H) Bane (Dark Knight Rises)

I) Immediate family's of Beavis and Butthead

J) Any member of the Borgias

K) Scrooge McDuck

L) Ted Nugent

M) Lex Luther

N) Employees of U. N. Black Helicopter Supply Company

O) Wille E. Coyote

SUNDAY, JULY 15, 2012 MR. PUTZ

After meeting with Jewish community leaders Maine Gov.Paul LePage apologized for his “insensitivity” in comparing the IRS to the Gestapo. What else should LaPage apologize for?

A) Being a general dick

B) Insisting that welfare recipients take drug tests

C) Trying to loosen child labor laws

D) His political philosophy is "old crude and cranky white guy"

E) He buys his suits from funeral homes

F) Portland has a higher % of seniors than Fort Lauderdale

G) He told the NAACP to kiss his butt

H) For not being as fat as Chris Christie, and not as smart either

I) Mediocrity should not a policy goal

J) The movie “Welcome to Mooseport”

K) At least two of his three chins

L) Confirming the theory that “Tea Party” is code for, “Stupid”.

M) Sorry about the women with “little beards”, remark

N) Maine has four seasons - Mud Spring, Summer Flies, Cold Fall, and Winter Froze-My-Nuts-Off

O) Still waiting for my apology from Stephen King for “Cujo”

FRIDAY, JULY 13. 2012 THROWING STONES

National Journal survey: House GOP's female staffers average about $10 K less per year then male staffers. How should the GOP explain this?

A) Let them eat wedding cake

B) The girls don't have families to support

C) They would just use the extra money to get abortions

D) Traditional family values

E) Its the David Vitter “prostitute allowance”

F) Well, its certainly not part of any war on women

G) Yes, but we didn't pay Mark Foley's male page, anything!

H) Oops?

I) The National Journal is a socialist mouthpiece

J) Slugs and snails and puppy dog's tails cost more than sugar and spice

K) But the guys don't get flowers on Secretaries' Day

L) Girls spend more time in the bathroom, so hourly it evens out

M) Just following National Restaurant Association guidelines, and tipping is allowed

N) The Congressman will get back to you.

O) There are women on my staff?

SUNDAY, JULY 8, 2012 WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS

Not Again!

Trump spokesman: “It would seem obvious that Donald Trump will play a role in the Tampa convention,” What job would you give Donald?

A) Hall Monitor

B) Delegate from the great state of Delusion

C) Chairman of the Hair Club for Men Committee

D) Sitting on Ron Paul during nominating speeches

E) Lithium connection for Orly Taitz

F) Winning!

G) Speech on the importance of being Donald Trump

H) Firing Arsenio Hall

I) Announcing pizza breaks

J) Balloons

K) “Wall mart” greeter in lobby of Tampa Times Forum

L) Hosting Daytime Emmys

M) Blocking all mention of 52 story Trump Tower Tampa

N) Providing coverage color – Orange.

O) Sucking up all excess oxygen.

FRICDAY, JULY 6, 2012 SECRETS

What is the pass-word for Mitt Romney's most secret Swiss bank account?

A) Flying-Sheamus

B) Taxes-R-4-Little-People

C) Fuck-the-WSJ

D) Trickle-down-this

E) Trumps-Bitch

F) Not-Pawlenty

G) SCOTUS-Bust

H) Jersey-fatboy

I) Selling-short

J) Winning

K) Still-Running

L) Grecian-Formula

M) Etch-a-sketch

N) Roof-dog

O) Rather-B-Investing

SUNDAY, JULY 1, 2012. FRIEND OR PRINCIPLE?

Which Country and Western song are Republicans now singing to Chief Justice Roberts?

A) I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

B) You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

C) I Can't Love Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It

D) If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long

E) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

F) I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

G) I Just Can't Get Over How You've Gotten Over Me

H) Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In

I) She Even Woke Me Up to Say Goodbye

J) I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

K) The One on the Left is On The Right

L) I've Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart

M) If you won't leave me, I'll find someone who will

N) Well, it's been so lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.

O) If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.  

SUNDAY, JUNE 24, 2005. EINEY, MEENEY

Who do you think will be Mitt Romney's vice presidential pick?

A) Barney Rubble (Flintstones)

B) Bulwinkel J. Moose (Rocky and)

C) Jimmy Olsen (Superman)

D) "Boner" Stabone (Growing Pains)

E) Herb Tarlek (WKRP)

F) Velma Dinkley (Scooby-Do)

G) Robert Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond)

H) Fozzie Bear (Muppets)

I) Waylon Smithers (Simpsons)

J) George Costanza (Sienfeld)

K) Dwight Schrute (The Office)

L) Jack McFarland (Will and Grace)

M) Dan Fielding (Night Court)

N) Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (Lost)

O) Timothy James “Tim” Pawlenty (G.O.P.)

SUNDAY, JUNE 3, 2011 EGG ON YOUR FACE

AP 6/2/12 FRESNO, Ca:. “(A bill) to increase cage sizes for...laying hens...supported by the Humane Society...and the United Egg Producers...” How will the Tea Party react to this compromise?

A) Increases the number of late term chicken abortions

B) Why did the chicken cross the road? Because she's a socialist.

C) You can't make an egg without breaking a few omelets

D) Today life panels for chickens – tomorrow death panels for grandma

E) Big cages equals big government

F) Another liberal Public Broadcasting “Big Bird” conspiracy

G) Keep the government's hands off my food supply!

H) If chickens were supposed to walk around, God would have given them legs.

I) Chicken Little was the original Tea Party spokes bird.

J) Is that how they raise chickens in Kenya?

K) Lay, baby, lay!

L) Next they'll want free antibiotics for all those chickens

M) Liberals lay another egg.

N) Cheap, cheap, cheap.

O) Whatever Obama supports, we oppose.