Wednesday, September 29, 2010

SEPTEMBER 29, 2010

Since Sarah Palin was "not" booed by the Dancing With the Stars audience, she might be a guest next season. What tune would you suggest she dance to?


A) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

B) Great Balls Of Fire

C) Voodoo Child

D) Crazy Woman

E) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.

F) Killing Me Softly with Her Song

G) The Thrill Is Gone

H) I Can See For Miles

I) Do Ya Think I'm Sexy

J) I Put a Spell on You

K) Monkey Gone to Heaven

L) Ain't That A Shame

M) Super Freak

N) There's Something Mighty Peculiar Goin' On

O) How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2010

Christine O'Donnell says that evolution is a myth and asks "why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?" The second best arguement against evolution is,,,


A) Christine O'Donnell

B) That people who don't believe in evolution are proof that evolution is a myth.

C) Why would they want to? If they want to smoke cigarettes, drink beer or drive little cars all they have to do is wear a tu-tu and twirl in a circle.

D) The theory of Evolution is a public relations campaign by the University Industrial complex.

E) Ashton Kutcher

F) Liz Cheney

G) Dick Cheney

H) Have you talked to a Democratic Congressman or Senator lately? What evolution?

I) Most Tea Party members have opposable thumbs, and yet...

J) There are lots of kinds of monkeys. Some ARE evolving, The others are Republicans.

K) If Evolution is real then people have been going behind bushes to pee for a million years. There should be a heck of mess over there. Where is it?

L) Fred Flintstone - People in dinosaur ages had the same sense of humor as people today

M) George Bush, Senior - George Bush Junior; what evolution?

N) The entire Tea Party movement. What evolution?

Friday, September 24, 2010

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2010

If you had to reduce the new GOP "Pledge" to a single simple sentence, it would most likely be..."


A) "Reality is a thing of the past.".

B) We won't do it again.

C) For internal consumption only.

D) This time we really mean it.

E) Prest-oh -Change-oh, and the deficit is gone!

F) Gentlemen! We have to protect out phoney-baloney jobs.

G) Dogs and pony shows are always popular!

H) Pay No attention to the man behind the curtain! The Great Oz has spoken!

I) What we have here is a failure to communicate.

J) What if when you woke up, you didn't know the difference between the dream world, and the real world?

K) Repeat after me: I,.your name...(Schmucks).... do pledge allegiance..to Hedley Lamarr.

M) Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life

N) Look, we are all reasonable men here. We don't have to give assurances as if we were lawyers

O) Take your army to the Haunted Forest and bring me that girl and her dog

P) "Hey, wake up and go to sleep" - Moe Howard

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2010

A Fox News Poll shows 60% of Deleware voters say Christine O'Donnell is not qualified to be a Senator. What do we know about the remaining 40%?


A) 100% of them are idiots.

B) 65% of them also think Obama is a gay Muslim socialist commie from a black neighborhood in Kenya.

C) 80% of them believe Walt Disney is part of the liberal Hollywood media

D) 15% of them believe in pixies. And not in a good way.

E) 75% of them would have opposed the original Tea Party.

F) One out of every three O'Donnell supporters think psychology is devil science.

G) The other two think the first one's views should receive equal time in public schools

H) 37% think the Bill of Rights is "liberal".

I) 90% have been so screwed by the past 50 years of Republican scapegoating, they have no idea what side is up anymore.

J) 10% of them are just plain looney.

K) 1% of them are Muslims, proving that self hatred is non-deonminational and non-partisan.

L) 4% also believe that Rumplestilkson could spin straw into gold.

M) 12% believe their parents should have gotten divorced.

N) 24% believe their divorced parents will eventually get back together.

P) 14% actually believe that Christine O'Donnell is actually smart.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2010

Ex-Governor Sarah Palin said, "(It) Wouldn't be prudent of me to get into a tussle with Karl Rove ... But, what the heck, let's go ahead and do it" What should the Media label this epic battle?


A) The Brain V The Broad.

B) Limbo Lash Out - How Low Can You Go?

C) Dumb and Dumber-er.

D) Stupid is as Stupid Does More

E) The Weasel V The Wing Nut.

F) Dirty Rotten Scoundrals Two.

G) Turd Blossum V Queen Turd.

H) Beyond Truth, Beyond Reason.

I) Logic on its Head. Ignorance on its Ass.

J) The Hockey Mom V The Hockey Puck.

K) Momma Grizzley V Porky Pig.

L) The Twlight Zome II - Vampires sucking the Lifelessness Out of Each Other. The winner will Still be Dead.

M) How will the Democrats Find A Way To Lose This?

N) The War Against Brains.

O) When Cannibals Attack!

Friday, September 17, 2010

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2010

FOX NEWS filed suit filed Wednesday in Kansas City, Mo. against Democratic candidate Robin Carnahan. What is the most outragous part of their suit?


A) Describing Chris Wallace as "...one of the nation’s most respected political journalists"

B) Fox News insisting that Chris Wallace has “a stellar reputation”. He works for Fox. He thus automatically has a reputation as a whore!

C) The very idea that Fox material can be copywrited. Like all dog poop, once you've left it on the curb it is no longer your property.

D) The idiotic idea that despite this suite FOX is a still a news gathering organization.

F) Fox caliing an ad that merely quotes a Republican Senator's public record a "smear".

G) That Fox is outraged by a Democrat's ad, but not because Republican Roy Blunt got half a million dollars from Jack Abramoff.

H) Suiits like this are usually an attempt to recover lost revenue. If they win will Fox demand that Carnahan repay the pork that Blunt would have thrown their way?

J) That they are not suing over the acuracy of the ad. Merely becaj\use it makes a Republican look bad.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

A N.J. butcher said of Lady Gaga's meat dress at the MTV awards, "It's cheaper cuts, not including her." What exactly was she trying to say?


A) I have nothing left to say.

B) Well, nobody wants to see my who-who anymore.

C) She was going to wear something to comment on the ground zero adjacent mosque, but she couldn't think of anythng.

D) I saw it hanging in the butcher shop window and just had to have it.

E) Dead meat. Much like her future in music.

F) Is there a psychiatrist in the house?

G) She is changing her name to Lady Gag-gag.

H) She has a voice like an angel. And a brain like a toadstool.

I) It is time for my Lithium pill!

J) She's iin this for the gravy.

K) She was undercooked, and yet burnt out.

M) Some mashed potatoes as a bola would look nice.

N) Me, me, me, me, me. Dead cow. Me, me, me, me, me. Dead Cow. Me, me, me,,me, me. Dead cow.

O) This is just the next step after bulimia.

P) She wants a dog.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2010

What will be the most succesful strategy for Democratic candidates this November?


A) Democarts? What Democrats? An't nobody here but us chickens.

B) Tax cut and Spend Republicans! Unlike us Democrats.

C) The Goldilocks approach to job creation. Not too much, and not too soon.

D) Fueling recovery the tried and true George Bush way - tax cuts for the rich

F) Dino-spar-us; Democrats In Name Only hoping for recovery with low ball spending programs.

G) The "Ass" approach to economics. Covering your ass from attacks from the right, by ignoring the left. They don't bite.

H) Infistructure, binfistructer. We build bridges to our own job security

I) Safest course in a storm is to stay in port. Isn't that why you elected us?

J) Believe in American and Americans. Invest in the American worker. Invest in the American future. Starting with American polticians. Ending there too.

K) The John McCain school of poltics. We will stand for anything you tell us to stand for.

L) Courage. The willingness to discuss what must be done, the strength to choose one course, and the determination to follow it through, no matter where the bankers tell us it should go.

M) Follow the Republcian meathod. Lie like a rug. Scare everybody about everything. And when they show you the video tape, deny its you.

N) I was in a coma.

0) The "Cops" appraoch. Somebody loaned me the car. It ain't my dope. It ain't my gun. Somebody said I could take the beer.

P) I'll do better next time.

Friday, September 10, 2010

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2010

Ex-Governor Sarah Palin and Fox News personality Glenn Beck will commemorate 9/11 with "patriots". What's next for this "mega-pair"?


A) Issue an joint album, "Songs of the Black Helicopter Conspiracy"

B) Appear as a couple on "Dancing With The Demi-Gods".

C) Check kiting.

D) Open a training camp to prepare operatives in response to al Qada - al Wack-o.

E) Re-nationalized all real Americans and de-naturlizeding all suspect Americans (i.e. Democrats),

F) Start the "Beck and Call" investment club. They promise to double your investment every 90 days, just don't call them.

G) A chain of Sarah Palin make-over salons. They will dye your hair and wash your brain

H) The Sarah Palin Corrispondents School - learn to speak gooderized English.

I) Glen Beck Cosmology; The naval of the universe is in Gleen's butt. This is inductive reasoning. Lesson Two - de-duck live reasoning. Glen thinks his naval is an orange.

J) The Mega-Culinary school, in which all eggs are cracked, and are seperated according to their polticial correctness.

K) Selling Aluminum siding, door to door.

L) Spot-a-traitor-glasses. A pair of these powerful glasses can be yours for just $49.95. And $30 for shipping an handling.

M) The The "Sarah Palin Wants to Be President" game, in which the winner passes' go' and collects a million dollars and yet never actually runs for President

N) Glenn and Sarah vow to in bed until a war is declared somewhere. Or until they raise a million dollars.

O) The Gleen Beck-Sarah Palin amusment park. All the rides go in circles, make you want to vomit, and you always end up in the House of Horror.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2010

Rev. Terry Jones at the "Dove World Outreach Center" in Gainesville, Fla. has received more than 100 death threats and has started wearing a .40-caliber pistol strapped to his hip, but said he was still planning to go ahead with his plan to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11. What else should Rev. Jones plan on doing?


A) Get a clue.

B) Invite Newt Gingrich to lunch. And then eat him.

C) Apologise to every soldiers' widow and orphans.

D) Watch more Fox News.

E) Explain why he canceled his "French Kiss a Nun Day".

F) Rethink his "Spit on a Jew" luncheon

G) Go back to condeming McDonalds for staying open on Sundays, for publicity.

H) Graduate from high school.

I) Become a Fox News special corraspondant on religious sensitivity.

J) Really celbrate the Prince of Peace by replacing his pistol with an uzi.

K) How about "Mock a Menatally Challenged Kid Day?

L) Write a love note to Sara Palin.

M) Pick up his degree from Glen Beck University.

N) Go back to self mutilation for attention.

0) Change the name of his church to the "Dove Fuck Reaching out to the World Center"

Sunday, September 5, 2010

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2010

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says, "I don't believe that things come out in proper context in an adversarial atmosphere," So what will she be doing for the next two months with all the time she saves not debating her opponent?


A) Searching for headless corpse in the desert.

B) Beheading copses in the desert.

C) Tending to her collection of desert heads

D) Burning witches.

E) Just feeling evill.

F) Re-counting her wrinkle collection

G) Showing pearls to pigs.

H) Negotiating the sale of her soul to the highest bidder

I) Googling her new address in Hell.

J) Throwing kitties in trash cans.

K) Working on her new campaign ad; "Finish the dang private prison"

L) Appearing in the new Arizona Tourist Ads; "Come see our headless desert!".

M) Appearing on Dancing with the Stars. (Even if they aren't stars, and they can't dance!)

N) Pressing her KKK robes.

O) Tending to her face book page.

Friday, September 3, 2010

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2010

Arizona governor Jan Brewer says, "Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert either buried or just lying out there that have been beheaded," What else has Arizona law enforcement found in the desert?


A) Jan Brewer's brain, all shrivled up by the heat.

B) "Joe" Arpaio's soul, which wandered off into the desert in a vain search of a press release.

C) Jan Brewer's sense of decency, left out there to die like a Las Vegas card shark.

D) An untold number of inmates in CCA prisions, sacrificed for a campaign contribution from CAA..

E) Jan Brewer's Nevada birth certificate.

F) The teacher who failed Jan Brewer in High School Spanish

G) Jan Brewer's membership in the Phoenix chapter of Biigoted Insenative Tyrantical soul Consuming Helleons.

H) Jan Brewer's heart, tiny as it was to begin with.

I) The Constitution of the United States.

J) The 800 life partners Jan threw off Arizona's health insurance program

K) Barry Goldwater's spinning corpse.

L) Jan Brewers KKK hood. (it has her name stiched in the head band)

M) The bodies of all the people she has trambled over to get where she is.

N) Price tag of Jan Brewer's soul. You know its hers because it was marked down so many times.

O) John McCain's soul.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2010

Faced with negative publicty, Charles and David Koch, owners of Koch Industries, the second largest privatly held company in America ($98 billion yr) and founders of "Americans for Prosperity" a right wing political slush fund that fuels the Tea Party, need a new company logo. What would you suggest?


A) Everything goes better with Koch.

B) A nickle is a terrible thing to waste.

C) Between money and madness lies Koch.

D) Have it our way.Or else.

E) Home of the Whopper.

F) Melts in our pocket, not in your hands

G) Koch. The Only White Meat

H) Sometimes you feel like a nut, if you know whats good for you.

I) We drink all we can. The rest of you can suck air for it..

J) With a name like Koch, ..we tell you what is good.

K) You got bullshit poltics in my sicence! You got bullshit science in my poltiics. And we can live with that.

L) Nothing outlasts the Koch brothers. They keep lying and lying and lying.

M) We take a licking and keep on kicking.

N) Every poltiical screwjob begins with Koch.

O) When it absolutely, positively has to be a screwjob on the midle class.