FRIDAY, JULY 30, 2010

According to hate-filled crone Phyllis Schlafly " 70% of unmarried women, voted for Obama,,,because when you kick your husband out, you've got to have big brother government to be your provider," This indicatest that Phyliss is..."


A) A hate-filled crone.

B) In need of money.

C) Not one whit smarter than she was thirty years ago.

D) A dried up hate filled old crone.

E) Bitter, bent and bonkers.

F) Going straight to hell.

G) Missing the good old days of menopause.

H) A typical Republican, with nothing to offer America but hate, fear and mean and nasty women.

I) Envious of all the sex guiltless Democrats are getting.

J) Irrelevent.

K) One of God's little jokes.

L) Rush Limbaugh with ovaries. And three hundred pounds.

M) Still smarter than Sara Palin.

N) At least the anti-feminist. At most the anti-Christ.

O) Who was she again?

WEDNESDAY, JULY 28, 2010

Rod Blagojevich's lawyer says he is a 'Silly' victim. The Feds say he is a scheming crook. What is your assesment of Rod's intellegence level?


A) Stone cold stupid. I'm amazed he can tie his shoes.

B) Mr. Gumby with a puiffy hair.

C) How smart does a politician have to be to get caught? He's an idiot.

D) Vulgar, crude, and clumsy. But that don't make him stupid. It makes him "most likely to succeed" in high school.

E) He was at least as smart as Victoria Jackson.

F) As smart as Senator Mitch McConnel, wearing a joy buzzer and a rubber nose.

G) Smart as a heart attack. Crafty as a kidney stone. As functional as an erectile malfunction.

H) He's smarter than John McCain. Rod has always known he was scum. John can't decide.

I) He is a genius. He could have been just another governor of a tiny midwestern state. Instead he is famous.

J) How smart do you want your crooks to be? Smarter than him? I thank God he's an idiot.

K) I figure he intended in getting caught, so he would be removed as governor, which free's him up run for President. Genius.

L) He's the Wiley Coyote of Illinois. Super Genius.

SUNDAY, JULY 25, 2010

Rep. Michele Bachmann promises if Republicans take the House in November, to hold one "hearing after another". What do you think will be the first investigation?



A) Is there a secret plot to steal Michele's psychiatric records?

B) Who funded the Democratic plot to improve health Care for all Americans?l

C) Why did Revelon stop producing their "Lunatic Red" lip gloss?

D) Are there any limits to the supidity and guilibility of Minnesota voters?

E) Should opposition to the Tea Party be the new defiintion of traitor?

F) How nice a guy was Joe McCarthy? And who spread rumors that he was an alcoholic?

G) Why are the commies trying to entice Michele eat chocolate cake when they know it makes her break out?

H) Why has no one ever nominated Michele for a Nobel Peace Prize?

I) Does Rush Limbaugh think Michele Bachmann is sexy?

J) Is some secret evil organzation planting spiders in Michele's house at night?

K) Why did the doctors change Michele's medication?

L) Why has Michele been going through menopause for the last eight years?

M) Are the Little People siding with the blacks to oppose Michele's dream for an America that thinks just like her?

N) Why is there an Intelligence test, but no way to quanitify stupidiy?

O) Why has no voter from Michele's district ever graduated from High School?

FRIDAY, JULY 23, 2010

Andrew Breitbart told Politico, "I'm public enemy Number one or two...This is not about me...I am being held to a higher stanadard", What standard is he speaking off?


A) The Neo-Nazi standard. He is not a Hitler. He's more of a mini-Goebbles.

B) The pampered self centered American jackass standard. Some children just should be spanked.

C) The Momma's Boy standard. His poop does not stink.

D) The whinny baby standard. How dare you pick on me.

E) The Jerk Standard. He's just a jerk.

F) The bully standard. Hey, I broke a finger nail when I gounged out your eye. You should say you are sorry.

G) The "Pussy" Standard. I just wanted you to notice me. I didn't want you to pick on me.

H) The idiot standard. You mean if I get you fired, that hurts?

I) The Freudian Standard. He is still angry his mommy did not marry him,

J) The Republican Standard. Hey, being a Republican, nothing I do is bad.

K) The Knee-Jerk Standard. From his knees to his head, he is a jerk. But his feet are okay.

L) The Fox News Standard. Ooops, We said we were sorry in the last news cycle.

M) The Barak Obama Standard. We fight for nothing. So, go ahead and pick on us.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 2010

The Dumberists Headline for the day is/was...?


A) Is Haiti Ready for Hurricane Season? (Time Magazine.)

B) How Facebook Can ruin Your Life. (Newsweek)

C) Russian Spy Says Nyet to Porn Career. (TMZ)

D) Things You Should Never Buy Used. (U.S. News and World Reports.)

E) Ground Zero mosque: Why there? (CNN)

F) Cop Quits After Leaving Beat for Midget Porn Star. (Fox News)

G) Stimulating Unemployment- If You Can't Create Jobs, Pay People Not to Work. (Wall Street Journal)

H) Report: Journalists Plotted to Protect Obama. (Fox News)

I) Pols Told to be Wary of Female Lobbyists (New York Post)

J) Fiorina shifts on jobless bill, says she would 'probably' break with GOP. (L.A. TImes)

K) Mayor puts foot down on boot fundraiser. (Anchorage Daily News)

L) Beck says he's facing blindness (Chicago Sun Times)

M) BP official: Problems with drilling rig went unfixed before explosion. (Chicago Tribune)

N) Morgue sex prompts families' suit . (Cincinntt Enquiror)

SUNDAY, JULY 18, 2010

House Minority Leader John Boehner has called for a moratorium on new Federal Regulation, except for "emergencies". What is most likely to qualify as an an ermergency for the G.O.P?


A) If Bankers started chocking on "low salt" caviar.

B) If Oil Company C.E.O.'s started catching the flu from small poor children.

C) If it were proved that tanning beds could give you skin cancer. Oh, wait....

D) If Coal companies discovered they could make another penny per ton by taking away workers hard hats.

E) If it were possible to develope a tax in support of politically impared politicians..

F) If Aliens should land in a small southern town and start handing out gold and diamonds, which they consider insustrial waste. This would require a new regulation labeling gold as a toxic heavy metal, to be kept only by "responsible" citiznes - Republicans.

G) If it became popular to hunt Republicans, then guns would be illegal.

H) If Mel Gibson started making movies again, he would have to be arrested.

I) If the CEO's of Health Insurance Companies developed an alergy to the ink in the currency they roll around in every night.

J) If golf balls became rare, then it would have to be illegal to play putt-putt, because of all the balls lost in the windmills.

K) Simple - a new federal regulation would make emergencies illegal.

FRIDAY, JULY 16, 2010

According to the NYPost, Mayor Micheal Bloomberg spent $109.2 million to win a third term. His Dem opponent spent $9.4 mill. and lost by 5 pts. What does this prove?


A) That sophisticated New Yorkers can be distracted by repitition, just like everybody else.

B) That elections are not about health care, financial reform or anything else. They are about money.

C) What do you get for the man who has everything? New York, New York.

D) It worked for Ceasar. Why wouldn't it work for Bloomberg?

E) Well, there goes the kids' inheritance.

F) You get the kind of goverment you pay for, and the kind of elections you pay for. And if you let somebody else pay, it is their election and their government.

G) We had the jazz age, the gilded age, and now we have the ego age.

H) Now, why doesn't Mel Gibson spend that kind of money to convince us he was just kidding?

I) It proves that buying votes is so passe'.

J) Horse racing may be the sport of kings, but politics is the sport of rich control freaks.

K) Being Mayor is just a tax dodge for Michael.

L) It could be worse. It could be raining.

M) We already know what he thinks of the electorate. Now, you're just complaining about the price.

WEDNESDAY JULY 14, 2010

On Tuesday Rep. Michele Bachmann lost her chief of staff and Campaign Finance direcrtor. Having raised $4 mill in the last quarter - why did they leave?


A) Crazy might be catching.

B) They wanted to have time to pack before the space ship arrived to take Michele home.

C) Michele was beginning to suspect they were communist spys.

D) The salary bump for working for a looney just wasn't high enough.

E) They had already won the bet. Yes, it is possible to elect a headless chicken to the House of Representatives.

F) They wanted to get out before the guys in the white coats showed up.

G) Someday they hope to be admired by their peers. And someday they hope to have peers who do not train chimpanzees.

H) Her voice just finally got to them.

I) The shame finally drove them back to a more honest profession; politics.

J) Michele had begun dressing like them.

K) They were out of ideas on how to hide her antennae.

L) It just wasn't funny anymore.

SUNDAY, JULY 11, 2010

The best Chairman for the GOP A.S. ( After Micheal Steele), should be?


A) Mel Gibson. He's available. He's idealogically pure enough for the Tea Party. He would look great introducing Sara Palin. And he's available..

B) LeBron James. He could put Florida in the win collumn. Ohio is just one more rust belt state the Democrats can have.

C) Lindsey Lohan. She's attractive. She could date that Cheney kid. She feels entitled, making her the perfect Republican. She's now served jail time, making her comfortable with all the Republican Pols.

D) Sara Palin. She will not try and change the post, since she would surely quit within six months.

E) Governor Hale Barbour. The RNC needs somebody really good at saying he's sorry to big corporations .

F) Ronald Reagan. As a dead guy he is certain to not say something stupid. As a dead guy he is certain to be an idealogical fit with the Tea Party.

G) Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.). If M.S. is not his leader, then he should say either who is or step up and take the job.

H) John A. Boehner. He could bring the JFK tan look back. He could use the time off for more golf.

I) Rush Limbaugh. Time to take the "in name only" off his job title. And, frankly, he could use the exercise.

Friday, July 9, 2010

GOP Senate Nominee Sharron Angle now claims that Harry Reid is trying to "Hit the Girl". What will most likely be her next campaign theme?


A) I am rubber, you are glue. What ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

B) I'll sue! Drat, I already tried that.

C) Mom, he's quoting me!

D) You better be nice or I will tell Ron Paul on you.

E) You are sooooo stupid.

F) I do not want to eliminate Social Security. Yes, I do. No, I don't. Yes, No. My sister, my daughter.

G) If you won't play fair I'm taking my ball and going home. It is too my ball!

H) You, pimple face.

I) But my GOP handlers said this would work!

WEDNESDAY, JULY 7, 2010

Nevada Republican Senate Candidate Sharron Angle has threatened to sue Harry Reid for publishing her position statements. What is the poisition she is most afraid of having publically known?


A) "Social Security and its attenent medicare are broken and bankrupt systems...as Social Security is transitoned out..."

B) "Make capital gains and death tax cuts permenant."

C) "The War on Terror is the central challenge of our time."

D) "The U.S. needs to withdraw from the United Nations"

E) "The United States is only so strong as the military that defends it."

F) "Has been endorsed by the Miniute Man PAC"

G) "Buisiness need to be liberated from over regulation and over taxation."

H) "Sharon Angle is a qualified for a "concealed weapons" permit.

I) "Has been endorsed by Phyliss Shlaffly."

J) "Does not accept money from unions."

I) Unemployed people are smelly and should be moved down wind.

SUNDAY, JULY 4, 2010

USA Today; WASHINGTON — A $500 million marketing campaign will be necessary to combat public perceptions about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill..." What would be the best tag line for this new ad campaign?


A) America's Gulf: Where oil and water do mix.

B) We've done the Dead Sea one better.

C) Who thought a lousy education system and corrupt politicians could cause this much trouble?

D) Governor Haley Barbour, of Alabama, for President!

E) Thre hasn't this much fun in the South since Sherman's March to the sea!

F) No Swimming. No birds. No fish. No shirmp. No smoking. All brought to you by the party of No.

G) Come to Lousiana this year. Get away from the crowds.

H) Mississippi; the first last place on earth.

I) Come see the gulf. You won't believe your eyes. Or you nose. Or that rash.

J) Bobby Jindal's back yard.

K) British Petroleum's testing ground.

L) The Redneck Rivera.

M) Advertising can fix anything!

FRIDAY, JULY 2, 2010

An unamed G.O.P. operative said today, ""This is the height of stupidity and epitomizes the problem that is Michael Steele." Now, what did Micheal say that inspired this reaction"


A) “Not in the history of mankind has the government ever created a job.”

B) "The problem that we have with this president is we don't know him. He was not vetted, folks"

C) "Well, I'm the cow on the tracks."

D) "Our platform is one of the best political documents that's been written in the last 25 years. Honest Injun on that."

E) "I'm the gift that keeps on giving."

F) "We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets."

G) "We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-surburban hip-hop settings.”

H) Afghanistan is "a war of Obama's choosing... not something the United States had actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in."

I) "Good morning, Mr. Kristol."

J) "This administration has the arrogance, the arrogance, to look down at my mother, to look down at my co-worker."

K) "And we’re not encouraging people to be angry, I mean to the point of being nasty and brutish and ugly."

L) "What I see right now is leading to the ultimate political Armageddon between conservatism and liberalism."

M) "You feel so much more confident now knowing that he (LaMarr Smith, R-Tx) put the pork in but didn't vote for it,"

N) "We are not warming. The warming you see out there, the supposed warming...Greenland, which is now covered in ice, it was once called Greenland for a reason, right?

O) "Education is key...And how history is a precursor of things to come."