SUNDAY, MAY 29, 2011 TAKING THE TOUR

Ex- Governor Sarah Palin's new tour bus is to be launched this holiday weekend. What would you think would be the best bumper sticker title for it?. he Fundamental Restoration of America Tour”.



A) The Lame Steam Express

B) The Cliché Line

C) The Incoherency Tour

D) The Bada – Ca-Ching Tour!

E) The Torpedo of Truthiness Tour

F) Four Two Scents Tour

G) The Reagan Two To Toot Tour

H) Ego I am

I) The Tweety Bird

J) The Breakdown Lame

K) The Liar Face Off

L) Rolling Blunder

M) The String of Swine Before Pearls Tour - 2011

N) Capitalism-Schism

O) Dumb As Her Posts

FRIDAY, MAY 27, 2011 SUICIDE PACT

“GOP leaders insisted that their Medicare problem was one of message, not policy”; Politico 5/26/11

Which quote best expresses the Republican thinking when passing the Paul Ryan Medicare Kill Bill?

A) It's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack. Not rationality. .

B) It was not my intention to do this in front of you. For that, I'm sorry.. When you grow up, if you still feel raw about it, I'll be waiting.

C) When fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist, you're doing his will.

D) Okinawa. One way.

E) This is what you get for fucking around with Yakuzas! Go home to your mother!

F) Suppress all human emotion and compassion. Kill whoever stands in thy way, even if that be Lord God or Buddha himself. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.

G) As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion.

H) There's nothing sadistic in my actions. This moment, this is me at my most … masochistic.

I) Some things, once you do, they can never be undone.

J) Clark Kent is how Superman views us...He's weak, he's unsure of himself, he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race

K) You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person. But every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.

L) I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.

M) The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan." You know, I've always liked that word, "gargantuan" … I so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence

N) I roared and I rampaged and I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of people to get to this point.

O) You and I have unfinished business. And not a goddamn fucking thing you've done in the subsequent four years...is going to change that.

WEDNESDAY MAY 25, 2011 JUST THINKING

According to New York Magazine article, Fox News chief fat-man Roger Ailes wants to be seen as the ultimate G.O.P King-Maker. What is his best diabolical plan to defeat Obama?


A) Glen Who?

B) Accuse Dennis Kucinich of voter fraud on “Dancing With the Stars”.

C) Explore a possible anti-democrat third party – The Narcissus-Manchurian candidate Party? Hire Trump.

D) Explain to Sarah again that MLF means 'Mental Legendary Female'.

E) Suggest Hillary Clinton broker a peace deal between Niccole “Snooki” Polizzi and the bar guy who punched her lights out.

F) Explain to Sarah again that Wales is a part of Great Britain, while “wails” is her speech pattern.

G) Special Report - “What the Dog Saw – On the Road with Mitt Romney”

H) Have the staff create a personality for Tim Pawlenty.

I) Show Newt Gingrich what might have been for him, just before you have him beheaded on “FOX AND FRIENEMIES”

J) Liberal elites ruining the Library of Congress. Reading is Not really fundamental. The myth that smarts is good.

K) Have Gretchen Carlson dye her hair black. See if anybody notices how much she looks like Sarah.

L) Explain to Sarah again that Jack Sparrow is not the leader of the Somalia Pirates gang

M) Muslim Brotherhood actually a pro-Democratic front group

N) Michelle Backmann show - Wonder Woman – She wonders about lots of things.

O) Explain to Sarah again that the Bronx Bombers is not a crack Air Force unit.

FRIDAY, MAY 20th, 2011 READ ANY GOOD BOOKS, LATELY?

Which Dr. Suess book would you suggest as bedside reading for Republicans forced to run on the Ryan “Kill Medicare” budget?


A) Daisy-Head(ed) Mayzie (is my Majority Whip)

B) If I Ran The Zoo (I'd toss Ryan to the wolves)

C) Oh, the Places You'll Go (once you're out of politics)

D) Mr. (Scott) Brown Can Moo! Can You?

E) I Can Lick 30 Tigers Today

F) In A People House (where the Tea Party is not allowed)

G) The Foot (in my mouth) Book

H) Hunches in Bunches (is how our party thinkers think)

I) Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are (not to be a Republican)?

J) Would You Rather Be A Bullfrog (than a Republican right now)?

K) I'm Not Going To Get Up Today.

L) I Wish I Had Duck Feet (cause I'd waddle right out of here)

M) Wacky Wednesday (when we voted for that damn budget)

N) Please Try To Remember The First Octember (cause' we're skipping November from now on)

O) How the Grinch Stole Christmas

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18, 2010 LOVE LETTERS IN THE SAND

Marlin Stutzman (R-Ind.) says that “Newt Gingrich is just out of touch.” and the Wall Street Journal has attacked him as well. What song should be Newt's theme song?

A)   I Will Survive”  Cake

B)   “(I Just) Died In Your Arms”  Cutting Crew

C)  "Back Off Bitch"  Guns and Roses.

D)  “Dazed and Confused” Led Zeppelin 

E)  “The Great Pretender” The Platters

F)  “Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now”  The Smiths

G)  “Money (That's What I Want)”   Barrett Strong 

H)  “The Tracks of My Tears”  The Miracles

I)  “Personality Crisis” New York Dolls 

J)  “You Really Got Me”   The Kinks

K)  “Money (That's What I Want)” Barrett Strong 

M)  “Slippin' Into Darkness”   War

N)  “Born Under a Bad Sign”   Albert King

O)  “This Land Is Your Land”   Woody Guthrie    

SUNDAY MAY 15, 2011 MIX AND MATCH

With a growing field of candidates, which character combination do you think would best be to Republican's tastes?


A) Mitt Johnson Pawlenty Palin

B)  Jon-Paul Daniels

C)  Mitt Santorum Backman Paul

D)  Newt Pawlenty Backmann

E)  Sarah Huntsman Santorum

F)  Mike Christie Rick Cain

G)  Ron Romney Michelle

H)  Herb Trumps Bachmann

I)  Gary Palin Christie

J)  Donald Huntsman Huckabee Cain

K)  Huntsman Newt Herb

L)  Michelle Christie Bachmann Pawlenty

M)  Ron Pawlenty Santorum

N)  Newt Bolton Bachmann

O) Herb Johnson Pawlenty Santorum

SATURDAY MAY 14, 2011 REWIND

Newton Leroy Gingrich's 2012 campaign slogan is “Together We Will Win the Future”. What will be his 2012 campaign's subtext?


A) “Leaving the old America for a younger hotter America.”

B) “The Newt Patriot - I regret that I have only one wife to give for my country!”

C)  The New eye of Newt! No longer an Old Wife's Tale.

D)  Phantom of the Republican Opera

E) Newt-ering conservative Americans since 1994.

F)  Old white-fart giraffe hunter shooting his mouth off. .

G)  The repeat pro-marriage candidate.

H)  This time, the unadulterated Newt. I promise.

I)  Eighty-three of eighty-four ethics charges can't be wrong.

J)  A swelled prostate has finally made him trustworthy.

K)  The ego and Viagra kid.

L)  He repeats on you, again and again.

M)  A fundamentalist Baptist-Catholic.

N)  The Repeat Offender

O)  The Pro-Latino el Newto Gingricho Not-Agin-oh

SUNDAY MAY 8, 2011. SETTING STANDARDS

At the GOP Debate, Herman Cain said, “I’m proud of the fact, quite frankly, that I haven’t held public office before.” Which previous occupation do you think the Tea Party would prefer their nominee to have previously worked at?


A)  A Phd candidate in Black Studies

B)  The kid who cuts my lawn on Saturday afternoon

C)  The kid who steals my car on Saturday night

D)  A Community Organizer

E)  The S.O.B. C.E.O. who runs my health insurance company

F)  A used car salesman

G)  The S.O.B. C.F.O. of a Wall Street Bank

H)  A corporate billionaire who sees being elected as a lateral move

I)  A Televangelist

J)  A home schooled graduate of a televangelist university trained medical doctor

K)  A home schooled graduate of a televangelist university trained economist.

L)  Any one who can repeat the phrase - “Business good, government bad.”

M)  Any one willing to believe The Flintstones is reality TV

N)  Any one who doesn't make the average Tea Party'er feel stupid.

O)  Anyone who is not Barak Obama

FRIDAY, MAY 6, 2011. THE MOUTH THAT ROARED

Donald Trump now says he won't be driving the Pace Car at the Indy 500 because , “Time and business constraints make my appearance...impossible to fulfill.” So what will the Trump be doing on Sunday, May 30th , instead?


A) Tracking down Obama's high school home room teacher...and having her killed by a crack a team of Old Navy sales clerks.

B) Firing whatever idiot suggested he run for President.

C) Having his ego re-inflated.

D) Recovering from that six story fall off his ego.

E) Enjoying a picnic while a flunky explains what Memorial Day memorializes.

F) Removing the White hoods from all his Snuggies.

G) Beginning his campaign to have every unflattering word that rhymes with Trump removed from the Trump dictionary – beginning with “Strump”, “Slump”, “Dump” and “That-ego-maniac-jackass-Donald- Trump.”

H) Laying the groundwork for his cover story – he was actually kidding / doing the President a favor / mocking the Republicans / he actually won the election already but want to take the pay cut.

I) Hiring more over-the-hill actors and “reality” celebrities to genuflect at his feet for fifteen or twenty minutes.

J) Re-reading his book, “Rich people are so much smarter than poorer peoples”

K) Collaborating on his his new book, “You too can turn $35 million into $5 million by making a public ass out of yourself”

L) Selling his reputation on E-bay.

M) Riding Gary Busey like he was a unicycle.

N) Minutely examining his naval.

O) Something so important that youse could never imagine, because, yo, youse are not as smart as he is.

WEDNESDAY MAY 4, 2011 LAST WILL AND TESTIMENT

In Osama Bin Laden's last  will, what will be his final bequest to the Republican Party?

A)   Two dates; November 8, 2012, and January 20^th, 2013. (Obama's election and inauguration day)

B)   His favorite spotter scope.

C)  His Sammy Davis Jr. and Moshe Dayan poster collection

D)  Dick Cheney

E)  His water wings.

F)  “A donation has been made in your name to the Bipolar Research Foundation.”

G)   A lifetime membership in the “Jr. Bomb Thrower Club”.

H)   His personal collection of half-assed justifications for asinine and self defeating policy choices.

I)   A simple note: “Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.”

J)   A bill for “services rendered”.

SUNDAY, MAY 1, 2011. THE BIRTH OF THE BLUES

Now that the “Birthers” have lost their raison d'être, which quote from the “Hitchhikers' Guide to the Universe” series would be their best new Zeitgeist?

A)  “Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”

B)  We have normality, I repeat we have normality...Anything you still can’t cope with is therefore your own problem."

C)  If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now

D)  In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

E)  There was an accident with a contraceptive and a time machine. Now concentrate!"

F)  Reality is frequently inaccurate.

G)  "The statistical likelihood...is that other civilizations will arise...Till then there will be a short delay.  Please return to your seat.”

H)  To summarize: it is a well known fact that those people who most want to rule...are, ipso facto, those least suited... to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

I)  “...you will enter the long dark teatime of the soul.”

J)   Once you know what it is you want to be true, instinct is a very useful device for enabling you to know that it is.

K)  “...either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or...physics had a lot of catching up to do."

L)  "Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know...Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen."

M)  A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
 
N)  At the center of an uncertain and possibly illusionary universe there would always be tea.
 
O)  “Don't give any money to the unicorns, it only encourages them.”
 
P)  Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.