FRIDAY APRIL 27, 2010 EVERYTHING MUST GO!

Which quote best proves that Don Drapper from “Mad Men” was a Republican?

A) I'm not going to let a woman talk to me like that!

B) Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent

C) Let's go someplace darker.

D) I'd have my secretary do it, but she's dead.

E) Maybe I'm late because I was spending time with my family reading the Bible

F) Your concern over public opinion shows a guilty conscience.

G) If you don't like what is being said, then change the conversation

H) Fear stimulates my imagination

I) What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons

J) Give me more ideas to reject.

K) Kids today, they have no one to look up to. Cuz they're looking up to us

L) It wasn't a lie, it was ineptitude with insufficient cover.

M) This never happened. It will shock you how much it never happened

N) All I have is a crush-proof box, and four out of five dead people smoked your brand.

O) You are the product.

WEDNESDAY APRIL 25, 2010 DO AS WE SAY

AP 4/24/'12: “Shares of Walmart Stores Inc. fell nearly 5 percent Monday” What should be the WalMart response to the Mexican bribery scandal?

A) Que? No entiendo

B) New corporate symbol – Frito Bandito

C) Old corporate slogan – Walmart. Always bribes. Always

D) New corporate slogan - Pagar dinero, abrir tienda (Pay money, open store).

E) Next corporate slogan - Walmart. Wall Street culture comes to Arkansas

F) Selling nudie magazines is immoral. Bribery is just business.

G) “High bribes are the key to everything” - Sam Walton re-quote

H) “We're all paying off the regulators. That's the secret” - Sam Walton re-quote

I) “Capital isn't scarce, payoffs are.” - Sam Walton re-quote

J) New corporate slogan – Pay bribes, live better

K) Walmart – We break the rules, because we write the rules

L) New corporate spokesman – John Edwards

M) “One rule for the bosses. Another for everybody else.” Sam Walton requote.

N) “Christian values are just another product” Sam Walton re-quote

O) “Greed, for want of a better word, is good” Sam “Gordon Gekko” Walton

SUNDAY APRIL 22, 2012 SECOND CHOICE

Which Simpsons character should Romney pick as his VP?

A) “Sideshow” Bob Terwilliger

B) Birchibald “Birch” T. Barlow

C) Superintendent Gary Chalmers

D) Mr. Costington

E) Cecil Terwilliger

F) Artie Ziff

G) Lional Hutz esq.

H) Reverend Timothy Lovejoy

I) Roger Myers Jr.

J) Waylon Smithers

K) Clancy Wiggum

L) Herbert (Simpson) Powell

M) “Diamond “ Joe Quimby

N) Rainer Wolfcastle

O) Seymour Skinner

FRIDAY APRIL 20, 2012 WE GOT HIM!

REUTERS - ST. LOUIS 4/16/12:: “Newt Gingrich...was nipped on the finger by a penguin during a private tour of the famous St. Louis zoo...” Why do you think the penguin bit Newt?

A) Newt is just so annoying

B) The bird couldn't reach high enough to poop on him. .

C) The bird thought Newt was competition. Same body type and they both lay eggs

D) Newt prommised him a herring in every pot, and the bird just did not believe him anymore.

E) The bird has relatives in the country illegally.

F) The bird is a Ron Paul supporter

G) The bird was curious. He never tasted ham.

H) The bird was delusional. They both thought thay were Emperors

I) A penguin flys underwater. 'Nuff said.

J) Wouldn't you have bit him, if he got close enough?

K) The bird could not give Newt the finger

L) Even a penguin knows large flightless birds are proof of evolution

M) Penguins are Democrats. Ostriches are Republicans

N) All that blubber made the penguin think Newt was a walrus.

0) Why not? Newt has no secrect service protection   

SUNDAY APRIL 15, 2012 PLEASE GO AWAY

What's the next career move you foresee for Newt Gingrich?

A) School janitor

B) Ambassador for the Irrelevant Politican Hall of Fame

C) Spokesman for Viagra

D) Big Bore Emeritus at the Federalists Society.

E) Marriage-counselor

F) Dean of Made-up History at the Georgia College for Dorks and Dorkettes

G) President of the Moon Men

H) A bar fly on a Holiday Cruise ship

I) Rubbing Calista's feet.

J) Greeter for Tiffinays, L.A.

K) Guest judge on Americas' Got No-Talent

L) His own reality show, “Big Head, Little Pee-Pee”

M) Co-host of the 700 club

N) Liz Lemon's boyfriend on “30 Rock”

O) What was he doing before?

FRIDAY, APRIL 13, 2012 PICK YOUR POSION

The Vancover Sun 4/10/12: “PARIS - The French branch of...McDonald's (will)...introduce a "McBaguette" sandwich...to cater to local tastes.” Which product would best cater to Republican tastes?

A) The Dick Cheney ENHANCED burger – blood sausage on a sesame seed bun.

B) The Little Woman Happy Meal: Fries and a pre-chewed burger are force fed to you

T

C) The Latino Value Pack: Chipotle and fries - available at the drive through window only.

D) The Supreme Healthy Care Meal: Freedom Fries with extra salt, and a booklet on recognizing a balanced diet.

E) Hedge Fund Extra Value Meal: Free Lunch

F) The Ryan Budget Classic Combo: Anything from the Dollar Menue.

G) The Rick Santorum Fruit and Walnuts Breakfast.

H) Newt Gingrich Bacon and Sausage Cheese McMuffin

I) Preium Reince Priebus Classic Breakfast: Catepillar McMuffin and coffee

J) The Seamus Value Meal: Hot dog and a Shamrock Shake

K) Chris Christie Couch Potato Fries

L) Eric Cantor Carmel Mocha

M) Foster Friess half-Baked Apple Pie

N) The Limbaugh Big Mouth Quarter Pounder with Cheese Meal

O) The Mitt Premium Grilled Meal: just kidding. He wouldn't be caught dead in a McDonald's

WEDNESDAY APRIL 11, 2010 PUT YOUR BALL IN THE HOLE!

Billy Payne, Chairman of Augusta National Golf Club, addressing the press and membership, 4/3.'12; “I (am concerned)...about the absence of growth in golf, and especially among the younger demographic” Why do you think the Augusts still denies women membership or competition rights?

A) Members think women don't have putters

B) Members think girls have cooties

C) Older members are already required to pee sitting down. What more do you want?!.

D) They like the publicity of being jerks.

E) Neanderthals - The members are neanderthals.

F) Members are hoping a girls golf club will open up across the lake.

G) Members are really sucky golfers. No reason to tell the women.

H) Members like to walk the course with their putters out.

I) Members are hoping that in the 20^th century the country will return to traditional values.

J) Members are just jackasses and jerks. It's no more complicated than that.

K) They are waiting for the Jackie Robinson of women to arrive

L) Too many lesbian pro golfers. All the gay male golfers are amateurs..

M) Augusta is developing its own strain of athletes foot, and women would ruin the experiment

N) Its a southern “thing” Members still expect their women to marry relatives

O) Members have a “mommy” problem.

What is your favorite quote from the campaign so far?

A) And let's see...I can't...The third one...I can't...Sorry...Oops.

B) Corporations are people, my friend.

C) 'OK, Libya.... I do not agree with the way he handled it for the following reason – nope, that’s a different one. I gotta go back to, see, I got all this stuff twirling around in my head.'

D) And you can always follow me on Tweeter

E) President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob.

F) Any ad which quotes what I said Sunday is a falsehood

G) I am the Koch brothers’ brother from another mother

H) One of the things I will talk about...the dangers of contraception in this country.

I) I think grandiose thoughts.

J) Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs, actually

K) I like seeing the lakes. I love the lakes...The Great Lakes, but also all the little inland lakes that dot the parts of Michigan. I love cars

L) And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, 'You know, I don’t know'

M) How do you say ‘delicious’ in Cuban?

N) I’ll tell you what — ten thousand bucks? Ten thousand dollar bet?

O) When you say to me about really great moments of happiness, it is hanging out at zoos

SUNDAY APRIL 1, 2012 WHAT, AGAIN?

1) Where will Kieth Olberman find his next job and 2) How long before he is fired from it?

(partial credit awarded if you get one right).

A) Both; What time is it now?

B) 2 -Until someone tells him “no”. Like an station owner or a janitor.

C) 2 - Until he admits his life has become unmanageable and he powerless over his ego

D) 2 - Until he decides to run for President...or God.

E) Both - Who would be dumb enough to hire him again?.

F) 2- Until he achieves enough to feel the need to screw it up.

G) 1 - Until Elliot Spritzer discovers online porn.

H) 1- Murdoch fired him. Al Gore fired him. Gandhi and Albert Schweitzer are dead. What next job?

I) Both - Until some billionaire wakes up from his twenty year coma and starts an alternative internet network – and five minutes later

J) Both - There must be some college radio station that needs another massive ego with a short fuse.

K) 1 - Until everybody in the world admits that Keith Olbermann is always right all the time.

L) Both - Sportscaster in a retirement home, until the wheelchair volley ball team disbands or dies

M) Both - As soon as Nancy Brinker leaves Koman For the Cure. He could do worse?

N) 1 – New Network – All Kieth Olbermann News, all the time. Because no other story is bigger

O) Kieth Olbermann who?