FRIDAY APRIL 29, 2011

 “The Donald” says he has “accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish”. What exactly did he accomplish?

A)  He became the mouth that snored.

B)  He managed to make Sarah Palin sound sane.

C)  He made everyone with a New York accent sound dumber than anybody from the Jersey Shore.

D). He made me want to throw up.

E)  He made selfish rich people look really, really small.

F)  He made big government look like a friend-in need.

G)  He made me realize that being a Republican Presidential candidate was the perfect career choice for an ignorant blow-hard like him.

H)  He made me realize that his shit don't stink, compared to the stench when he opens his mouth.

I)   He proved Benjamin Franklin right, when he said “People wrapped up in themselves make small packages”.

J)  He forced President Obama to prove the obvious. Again.

K)  He gave ignorant racists a bad name.

L)  He made it certain there would be no progressive challenge to Obama.

M) He killed a little time while the media whores waited for the Royal Wedding.

N)  He killed the next season of Celebrity Apprentice

O)  He made himself look like a complete and total jackass. And nobody can do that better than him.

SUNDAY, APRIL 24, 2011. TWEEDLE DUM AND TWEEDLE DEE

What is the biggest difference between Ex-Nevada Senator John Ensign and Donald Trump?

A)  Ensign has a better toupee.

B)  After being caught telling lies piled upon lies, Ensign apologized.

C)  Ensign convinced people to give him their votes. Trump convinced people to give him their money.

D)  Ensign thinks he's God's gift to women. Trump thinks he's God's gift to everybody.

E)  Ensign will hump anything in a dress. Trump will hump anything with a wallet.

F)  Ensign's parents spent $96,000 to buy their son out of trouble. Trump's parents gave him $35 million just for being born.

G)  Ensign has proven to be morally bankrupt. Trump has been bankrupt several times.

H)  John Ensign is a lapsed fundamentalist Christian. Trump is fundamentally a schmuck

I)  John Ensign lies about who he's been screwing. Trump screws the people he's been been lying to.

J)  John Ensign's ego is bigger than his dick. Donald Trump is a dick.

K)  John Ensign thinks God is on his side. Donald Trump thinks he is God.

L)  John Ensign thinks his own poop don't smell. Donald Trump loves the smell of his own poop.

M)  John Ensign believes he is carrying out God's will. Donald Trump don't even carry anybody elses' bags.

N)  John Ensign disgusts me. Donald Trump makes me want to throw up.

0)  Donald Trump is a likeable rouge. There is nothing likeable about John Ensign.

FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2011. SONG SUNG BLUE

ROLLING STONE has issued their top 100 of the 1980's Album List. Which album best exemplifies the Reagan Years?

A)  WHOSE ZOOMING WHO? Aretha Franklin.

B)  1984  Van Halen

C)  SIGN 'O THE TIMES Prince

D)  TROUBLE IN PARADISE Randy Neuman

E)  PYROMANIA  Def Leopard.
 
F)  COMPUTER GAMES George Clinton


G)  SPEAKING IN TONGUES Talking Heads
 
H)  DAY DREAM NATION  Sonic Youth
 
I)  KILL 'EM ALL  Metallica
 
J)  UH-HUH John Cougar Melloncamp
 
K)  CONTROL Janet Jackson
 
L)  APPATITE FOR DESCTRUCTION  Guns 'n Roses
 
M)  PRETENDARS.  Pretendars
 
N)  DIRTY MIND   Prince
 
O)  POWER, CORRUPTION AND LIES   New Order

WEDNESDAY APRIL 20TH, 2011. MAKING CHOICES

THE IRS SAYS THE 400 HIGHESTS INCOMES IN AMERICA AVERAGE $345 MILLION A YEAR. WHAT SHOULD THE POOREST OF THE 400 DO TO CUT BACK ON EXPENSES?


A)  Fire goldbricking public school teachers. Replace them with gold bricks.
 
B)  Foreclose on a few more mortgages. Apply for a tax break for upside down property investments
 
C)  Send no money to Republican Presidential candidates this year. Send The Donald a 'thank you' note.
 
D)   Hire just one climate change denier this year.
 
E)  Tell little Ricky Santorum, that this year he's going to have to run for vice-President.
 
F)   Push Mitch and John for a “Super Death Tax”, which would not only eliminate the inheritance tax, but      mandate a “Death Tax Benefit” payment of 15% on all estates over $1 million.
 
G)  Increase coverage on the the corporate beach house in Malibu. Fire more Malibu fire fighters. Burn the beach house. Sue the city for inadequate fire protection.
 
H)  Vote Grandma off the family foundation board of directors, and retroactively cut the lines on the old bat's golden parachute.
 
I)   No chocolate egg for Glenn Beck this Easter. Oh, and cancel his insurance coverage for lithium therapy.
 
J)   Insist the gardeners fertilize the lawn on Wednesday. Call the I.N.S. first thing Thursday morning.
 
K)  Insist the Tea Party become financially independent this year.
 
L)  Sell shares in Tokyo Electric.
 
M)  Next year, only one jet. The blue one.
 
N)  Enter Dancing on the Stars. Fix the voting. Sell the trophy.
 
O)  Tell Senator David Vitter, he must cut his entertainment expenses in half. He can still date prostitutes, but he can no longer buy them dinner.

SUNDAY APRIL 17, 2011. OLD POLITICIANS NEVER DIE

FORMER FLORIDA GOVERNOR CHARLIE CRIST HAS SAID HE IS SORRY FOR USING A DAVID BRYNE SONG IN A CAMPAIGN AD WITHOUT PERMISSION.  WHAT OTHER MUSIC DID CRIST USE WITHOUT THE EPRESSED WRITTEN PERMISSION?

A)  Angry White Boy Polk   “Weird Al"
B)  Torn Between Two Lovers   Mary MacGregor

C)  Hey! Won't You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song    B.J.Thomas

D)  My Give A Damm Is Busted    Jo Dee Messina

E)  Liar, Liar     The Used

F)  Your Cheating Heart   Hank Williams

G)  Holding Her & Loving You     Earl Thomas Conley

H)  I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas    Barry Gordon

I)  I Didn't Raise My Boy To Be a Soldier          Peerless Quartet

J)  Reasons I Cheat      Randy Travis

K)  Yes, I'm the Great Pretender    Queen.

L)  Cleopatra, Queen Of Denial-Spilled Perfume     Pam Tillis

M)  Custer Died for Your Sins       Floyd Westerman

N)  Why Does This Always Happen to Me? “Weird Al   

FRIDAY APRIL 15, 2012 TWO POLITICAL OPERATIVES WALK INTO A BAR...

THE DONALD HAS 'OPERATIVES' IN HAWAII, SEEKING INFORMATION ABOUT OBAMS' BIRTH. WHAT ELSE MIGHT THEY FIND?

A)  Obama's madras report card, noting “He plays too well with others."

B)  Mitt Romney's secret plan to win the presidency by being all things to all men, a mensch to all women and your dog's wose nightmare.

C)  The left side of Nevada's Sharon Angle's brain

D)  Arizona Republican Senator Jon Kyl's "fact based" spokesperson.

E)  Tim Pawlenty's personality

F)  The missing six inches of Mitch Daniels

G)  Speaker John Boehner's signed copy of "Be Careful What you Wish For, by Newt Gingrich"

H)  The receipt for Rick Santorum's mom's abortion. His.

I)  In a Honolulu dry cleaners, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's soul.

J)  FDR's plans to sell Pearl Harbor to the Japanese for a case of sake.

K)  In a Mauna Loa retirement home, the "Straw Man" the Republicans have been throwing at Democrats for the last forty years  


M)  In a half way house, Sarah Palin's sense of decency.

N)  Donald Trumps acceptance speech at the 2012 Republican Convention. “Dudes, you've been punked”

WEDNESDAY APRIL 13, 2011 I WOULD LIKE TO DANCE TO THAT

If “The Path to Prosperity”, The Republican 2012 budget proposal by Rep. Paul Ryan, were set to music, which ABBA song would it be?

A)  Burning My Bridges

B)  Dream World

C)  Hole in Your Soul

D)  I Have a Dream

E)  I Am An 'A'

F)  King Kong Song

G)  Merry-Go-Round

H)  Money, Money, Money

I)   No Hay A Quien Culpar

J)  Should I Laugh or Cry

K) SOS

L) Take a Chance on Me

M)  The Winner Takes It All

N)  Waterloo

O)  As Good as New

FRIDAY, APRIL 8, 2011. BACK TO THE FUTURE

If the Grand Old tea Party government shutdown were a joke, what would be the best punch line?

A)  Do you have anything to stop this coffin?

B)  Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that ate your new shoes?

C)  Because he was stapled to a chicken.

D)  Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, thud.

E)   But the tip of my penis is in Poland.

F)  I'm hiding in the front closet.

G)  Drink the poison.

H)  Up until now, the food was pretty good.

I)   Yea, but this wallet, you stroke it twice and it turns into a briefcase.

J)   Whenever you die, it will be a holiday.

K)  A circumcision is never intended to kill.

L)   Let me see that map again.

M)  No. We throw it in the air. Whatever God wants, he'll keep.

N)  Start Worrying. Details to follow.

O)  Grandma is on the roof.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 6, 2011. NO SUCH THING AS BAD PUBLICTY

Which line from the reviews of Charlie Sheen's Detroit stage show, best describes the current T-Party GOP?

A)  An orgy of depthless vulgarity.

B)   A gag-inducing, self-administered dose of shame.

C)   Oddly, the wave of applause he seemed to expect did not materialize.

D)   The evening tumbling irretrievably toward disaster.

E)   A gonzo grandiloquence.

F)   Egomania gone wild.

G)   A creepy atmosphere that suggested group indoctrination into a cult.

H)   The overwritten, faux-Biblical preaching of a self-anointed Messiah.

I)     Rehashed Web fodder.

J)   An anthropological study of the homo loco species.

K)  Did he actually think he could get away with serving them this cruddy potluck?

L)   The atmosphere at times approached that of a professional wrestling match.

M)  This is your brain on drugs” object lesson.

N)  The indulgent love of his fans had transformed into deep distrust, if not disgust.

O)  The outlaw was revealed to be a spoiled brat.

SUNDAY, APRIL 3, 2011. THE EGO AND THE IDIOT

 Donald Trump will now be a Monday morning unpaid regular on "Fox and Friends".  What should be his them music?

A)  You're So Vain - Carly Simon

B)  I'm A Playa - Tech N9

C)  Paint It Black - The Rolling Stones

D)  Es zittern die morschen Knochen (The rotten bones are trembling) - Hitler Youth marching song

E)  A Whiter Shade of Pale - Procol Harum

F)  Take This Job and Shove It - Johnny Paycheck

G)  Can't Buy Me Love - The Beatles

H)  The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels Band

I)  Die Walküre - Richard Wagner

J)  Another brick in the wall - Pink Floyd

K)  The Boxer - Simon and Garfunkel

L)  Puff the Magic Dragon - Peter, Paul and Mary

M)  Bad Hair Day - Jamie Anderson

N)  It Ain't Over Until Milli Vanilli Sings - Dr. Joe

O)  Dare to Be Stupid - Weird Al Yankovic