THE REPUBLICANS ARE CONSTANTLY APPEASING THIE "BASE". WHY DON'T THE DEMOCRATS DO THE SAME?
A) The first rule for doctors is "Do no harm." The first rule for politicians is "Offend no one."
B) Democrats haven't had a base for ten years.
C) Liberals eat their young. Conservatives eat everybody's kids. Everyone is afraid of the Republicans. Nobody is afraid of Democrats.
D) They are trapped by their strongest arguement; "We are the logical choice". And politics has never been about logic.
E) Liberals are the trusting wife of politics. They believe America when it promises to stop seeing other women.
F) You are what you eat. And for ten years the Democrats have been eating crow.
G) You expect politicians to be afraid of liberals? These guys couldn't organize an office party!
I) "Be Resonable" is a lousy ralling cry.
J) Democrats are still afraid of being called "liberal".
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2010
PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS RESURRECTED THE PUBLIC OPTION. WHAT EFFECT WILL THIS HAVE ON THE CHANCES FOR HEALTH CARE REFORM?
A) Huge. Now we can shove reality down the Republicans' throats.
B) Not much. Nobody believes he is really pushing for this.
C) By now Hillary Clinton would have already lost the entire bill. And be beating the Republicans over the head with it.
D) Ha! Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple - he did not threaten to do it.
E) I want to believe that POTUS is giving the Republicans just enough rope to hang themselves. I want to believe that.
F) Zero. Speak softly. And carry an invitation to a press conference?
G) Not much. Now I know how Lincoln felt, trying to find a general who would fight and win.
H) About the same as our chances of controling the big banks and killing don't ask, don't tell.
I) Tell me again...what have the Senate Democaracts done for us lately?
A) Huge. Now we can shove reality down the Republicans' throats.
B) Not much. Nobody believes he is really pushing for this.
C) By now Hillary Clinton would have already lost the entire bill. And be beating the Republicans over the head with it.
D) Ha! Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple - he did not threaten to do it.
E) I want to believe that POTUS is giving the Republicans just enough rope to hang themselves. I want to believe that.
F) Zero. Speak softly. And carry an invitation to a press conference?
G) Not much. Now I know how Lincoln felt, trying to find a general who would fight and win.
H) About the same as our chances of controling the big banks and killing don't ask, don't tell.
I) Tell me again...what have the Senate Democaracts done for us lately?
Friday, February 19, 2010
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2010
Andrew Breitbart, the man who funded the Acorn "pimp videos" has told POLITICO that Rachel Maddow was "intellectually dishonest" and had a "bad business model". What would the best response to him be?
A) What would you know about intellectual anything? You have to have an intellect to know anthing about them.
B) He needs a short sharp punch to in his intellectual organ. His butt,
C) He better lay off. Rachel is the short smart gay sister I never had. I'll demobalizethe the bum.
D) Like the Supreme Court, he seems to have confused opinion with profit. Has he ever held an opinion he could not profit from?
E) Stupitity is its own reward.
F) As Jesus said, "Blessed are the weak in brains. For they shall inherit the Republican Party."
G) In the first place Adam Smith was not a moral figure. He was an economist. And we just had more proof of what idiots they are. In the second place... your ugly, you schmuck.
H) Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but the ditherings of a dishonest liarer and idiot are of little interest to me.
I) Don't shoot Rachel. You'll just make her mad.
J) Rachel Maddow, drooling in her sleep, is twice the man you will ever be. Stick that up your business model.
K) I fear you have confused intellectually dishonest with legally dishonest. Lying is not a crime unless you do in the furtherance of a crime. Then it is.
L) You worse nightmare, I guess. A smart woman with bigger balls than you.
M) Let me ask you this. Is Rachel Maddow sexier with the glasses or without. Oh, I forgot I am not writing for "People" magazine anymore.
N) Oh, shut up you pathetic fraud.
A) What would you know about intellectual anything? You have to have an intellect to know anthing about them.
B) He needs a short sharp punch to in his intellectual organ. His butt,
C) He better lay off. Rachel is the short smart gay sister I never had. I'll demobalizethe the bum.
D) Like the Supreme Court, he seems to have confused opinion with profit. Has he ever held an opinion he could not profit from?
E) Stupitity is its own reward.
F) As Jesus said, "Blessed are the weak in brains. For they shall inherit the Republican Party."
G) In the first place Adam Smith was not a moral figure. He was an economist. And we just had more proof of what idiots they are. In the second place... your ugly, you schmuck.
H) Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but the ditherings of a dishonest liarer and idiot are of little interest to me.
I) Don't shoot Rachel. You'll just make her mad.
J) Rachel Maddow, drooling in her sleep, is twice the man you will ever be. Stick that up your business model.
K) I fear you have confused intellectually dishonest with legally dishonest. Lying is not a crime unless you do in the furtherance of a crime. Then it is.
L) You worse nightmare, I guess. A smart woman with bigger balls than you.
M) Let me ask you this. Is Rachel Maddow sexier with the glasses or without. Oh, I forgot I am not writing for "People" magazine anymore.
N) Oh, shut up you pathetic fraud.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 17, 2010
ON SUNDAY, MARCH 14, I WILL PUBLISH MY ANNUAL "IDES OF MARCH" AWARD, FOR THE "BEST" DISPLAY OF POLITICAL INSTINCT. WHO WOULD YOU PREFER WIN THIS YEAR?
A) Evan Bayh. Mister inside claims to be Mr Outside
B) Dick Cheney. The miltant coward.
C) Ralph Reid. "Can't we all just get along", as a political philosophy.
D) The Democratic Senate caucus. "I am shocked - shocked! - to discover there is gambling in this establishment"
E) The Republican Senate caucus. Into the Valley of Death rode the moderates.
F) Olympia Snowe. Five Yards for delay of game.
G) Max Baucus. Fifteen yards for delay of game.
H) CNN, The voice of Corporate America.
I) Roger Ailes. The voice of the GOP.
J) Tea Baggers. Tied to a string and dipped in the water of popularism.
K) The one person I will not accept votes for is Sara Palin. She is not a politician. She is a celebrity whore.
A) Evan Bayh. Mister inside claims to be Mr Outside
B) Dick Cheney. The miltant coward.
C) Ralph Reid. "Can't we all just get along", as a political philosophy.
D) The Democratic Senate caucus. "I am shocked - shocked! - to discover there is gambling in this establishment"
E) The Republican Senate caucus. Into the Valley of Death rode the moderates.
F) Olympia Snowe. Five Yards for delay of game.
G) Max Baucus. Fifteen yards for delay of game.
H) CNN, The voice of Corporate America.
I) Roger Ailes. The voice of the GOP.
J) Tea Baggers. Tied to a string and dipped in the water of popularism.
K) The one person I will not accept votes for is Sara Palin. She is not a politician. She is a celebrity whore.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2010
AFTER A YEAR IN OFFICE, IT IS NOW CLEAR THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA WILL MOST LIKELY FIGHT FOR...
A) ...ah....
B) ....er....
C) ....ah....
D) Reason?
E) Compromise?
F) The middlle of everything.
G) Haiti?
H) Afghanistan.
I) Basktball.
J) Arrrrgh! (Lucy pulling the football away, again!)
A) ...ah....
B) ....er....
C) ....ah....
D) Reason?
E) Compromise?
F) The middlle of everything.
G) Haiti?
H) Afghanistan.
I) Basktball.
J) Arrrrgh! (Lucy pulling the football away, again!)
Friday, February 12, 2010
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12, 2010
I EXPECT THE UPCOMING PUBLIC HEALTH CARE DEBATE TO BE...
A) A serious discussion of the policy.
B) More of the Democrats waiting for the Republicans to tell them what not to do.
C) Obama hiding behind his dream of compromise
D) Boring.
E) Finally Raising the question, why did Obama run for President if he did not want to lead?
F) Delayed by the Olympics.
G) More Bull Shit. Nothing but more bull shit.
A) A serious discussion of the policy.
B) More of the Democrats waiting for the Republicans to tell them what not to do.
C) Obama hiding behind his dream of compromise
D) Boring.
E) Finally Raising the question, why did Obama run for President if he did not want to lead?
F) Delayed by the Olympics.
G) More Bull Shit. Nothing but more bull shit.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Garrison Keillor, in his latest Salon collumn, complains about Democrats who "grab hold of defeat and find vindication there." What is their worst trait?
A) They find vidication in defeat.
B) They whine about democary, but they really mean Democracy.
C) They whine.
D) Not angry enough.
E) Disorganized. A Democratic Marching Band is an impossiblility.
F) They don't look enough like Republicans.
G) They lack the arrogance that comes from ignorance.
H) These guys couldn't organize a picnic. They would insist upon setting a place for the ants.
A) They find vidication in defeat.
B) They whine about democary, but they really mean Democracy.
C) They whine.
D) Not angry enough.
E) Disorganized. A Democratic Marching Band is an impossiblility.
F) They don't look enough like Republicans.
G) They lack the arrogance that comes from ignorance.
H) These guys couldn't organize a picnic. They would insist upon setting a place for the ants.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2010
Tea Party speaker Sara Palin asked, "How's that hopey, changey stuff workin' out for ya?" So, how is it?
A) Obama is selling hope. So Sara is selling anti-hope? Doesn't that make her hopeless?
B) Gosh, I was so surprised by what she said, I don't know how to react. Can I go back to sleep now?
C) And they call this news. What the hell was new about it? What did she say that was new?
D) The hopey thing is a pain in the ass. Maybe she could kiss it.
E) Not so well. I live in fear that Obama is going to debate her in 2012, and she will win.
F) I have been hoping she would gets a big wart on her nose. So far, nothing.
G) I hoped she would make Obama look like a man of action. But that ain't gonna happen.
A) Obama is selling hope. So Sara is selling anti-hope? Doesn't that make her hopeless?
B) Gosh, I was so surprised by what she said, I don't know how to react. Can I go back to sleep now?
C) And they call this news. What the hell was new about it? What did she say that was new?
D) The hopey thing is a pain in the ass. Maybe she could kiss it.
E) Not so well. I live in fear that Obama is going to debate her in 2012, and she will win.
F) I have been hoping she would gets a big wart on her nose. So far, nothing.
G) I hoped she would make Obama look like a man of action. But that ain't gonna happen.
Friday, February 5, 2010
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1020
THE THEME OF SARA PALIN'S KEYNOTE SPEECH AT THE TEABAG CONVENTION WILL PROBABLY BE...
A) De-Caf Constant Comment is a Democratic plot tp lull "average" Americans to sleep.
B) Keys are very important. And musical keys, even more so.
C) I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.
D) The Alaskan public education system is guud.
E) Knowing stuff just confuses you. When in doubt, break something.
F) Her son is not the retarded family member.
G) Rush Limbaugh was right to call my son retarded.
H) The answer to America's problems is did you know that chutney is a spice.
I) Liberals is dumb.
J) Buy my book.
K) People with six toes are special.
L) Health Care Reform is SUPPORT THE TROOPS!..
M) You could have avoided all this if you had just let Alaska leave the Union, like we wanted.
A) De-Caf Constant Comment is a Democratic plot tp lull "average" Americans to sleep.
B) Keys are very important. And musical keys, even more so.
C) I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.
D) The Alaskan public education system is guud.
E) Knowing stuff just confuses you. When in doubt, break something.
F) Her son is not the retarded family member.
G) Rush Limbaugh was right to call my son retarded.
H) The answer to America's problems is did you know that chutney is a spice.
I) Liberals is dumb.
J) Buy my book.
K) People with six toes are special.
L) Health Care Reform is SUPPORT THE TROOPS!..
M) You could have avoided all this if you had just let Alaska leave the Union, like we wanted.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2010
THE BEST ANALOGY FOR SENATOR JOHN McAIN'S POSITION ON DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, IS...
A) Running a marothon with your dirty underwear on your head.
B) The old guy at the family picnic who wakes up convinced somebody stole $3 from his wallet.
C) Playing Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons" on the spoons.
D) Last night's episode of 'LOST'. So the island blew up and it didn't blow up, right? What the hell was that?
E) Pledging to a Rutgers sorority.
F) Di'sing David Letterman.
G) WalMart challenging the GIrl Scouts to a cookie duel.
H) Rescuing Hatian orphans without their parent's permission.
I) Signing a long term lease on a Toyota.
J) Hiding a bomb in your underwear.
K) Being Micheal Jackson's anathesiologist.
L) Climbing Brokeback Mountain on a pogo stick.
M) Being a politician and saying whatever your political advisors put in front of you. Was he even listening to himself?
N) Sucking Peanut Butter through a straw.
O) There is no analogy.
A) Running a marothon with your dirty underwear on your head.
B) The old guy at the family picnic who wakes up convinced somebody stole $3 from his wallet.
C) Playing Vivaldi's 'Four Seasons" on the spoons.
D) Last night's episode of 'LOST'. So the island blew up and it didn't blow up, right? What the hell was that?
E) Pledging to a Rutgers sorority.
F) Di'sing David Letterman.
G) WalMart challenging the GIrl Scouts to a cookie duel.
H) Rescuing Hatian orphans without their parent's permission.
I) Signing a long term lease on a Toyota.
J) Hiding a bomb in your underwear.
K) Being Micheal Jackson's anathesiologist.
L) Climbing Brokeback Mountain on a pogo stick.
M) Being a politician and saying whatever your political advisors put in front of you. Was he even listening to himself?
N) Sucking Peanut Butter through a straw.
O) There is no analogy.
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