THE BIGGEST TURKEY LEFTOVER THIS YEAR HAS BEEN...
A) John Boehner. Aren't all his golf trips on his PAC's dime, illegal?
B) The Tea Baggers. Just who are they mad at and why?
C) Fox News. Have they been so concentrated on hating Obama, they forgot how to lie good?
D) Lou Dobbs. Why has nobody told him yet that he's a joke?
E) Sara Palin. How could so many pundits mistake greed for brains?
F) "Real Housewives of D.C." If rich vapid idiots really want to be famous, why are they not working for Fox News?
G) Mike Huckabee. Has he ever done or said anything to deserve all the attention he receives?
H) The News. Why do you call it that when it ain't new, it ain't important, it ain't informative and there ain't a dime's worth of difference between CNN and FOX?
I) The main stream media. If my stream was that weak and that intermittent wouldn't it mean I had prostate problems?
J) The Sunday pundents. Does anybody in Washington ever ask about the effect of politics on the lives of average citizens?
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 27, 2009
LOUD DOBBS, EX CNN TALKING HEAD AND FUTURE POLITICAL CANDIDATE, HAS TOLD TELEMONDO VIEWERS "I AM ONE OF YOUR GREATEST FRIENDS.” WHAT SHOULD THE MOST LOGICAL REACTION OF HISPANIC VOTERS SHOULD BE?
A) Usted es una estúpida, de América
B) ¡Qué estúpido crees que estamos?
C) Do I vote for you before or after I clean up your daughter's horse poop?
D) Bit me, bigot.
E) This didn't work with black voters in 1980, do you really thinki it will work for Hispanics in 2012?
F) With amigos like you we don't need enemigos.
G) Great. Another fat white guy who thinks we're friends.
H) I'll bet you say that to all the straw men.
I) What? We don't even get a detailed economic proposal? Just a six pack and some pollo loco?
J) Get a picture of yourself in a huge Sombrero, then we'll talk.
K) ¡Qué ego en, este idiota
A) Usted es una estúpida, de América
B) ¡Qué estúpido crees que estamos?
C) Do I vote for you before or after I clean up your daughter's horse poop?
D) Bit me, bigot.
E) This didn't work with black voters in 1980, do you really thinki it will work for Hispanics in 2012?
F) With amigos like you we don't need enemigos.
G) Great. Another fat white guy who thinks we're friends.
H) I'll bet you say that to all the straw men.
I) What? We don't even get a detailed economic proposal? Just a six pack and some pollo loco?
J) Get a picture of yourself in a huge Sombrero, then we'll talk.
K) ¡Qué ego en, este idiota
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2009
THE FEDERAL ELECTION COMMISSION SAYS REP. JOHN BOEHNER (R-Ohio) HAS SPENT $82,998 ON GOLF THIS YEAR. HIS BEST JUSTIFICIATION IS...
A) Putt-Putt is just not good enough for Government work.
B) Basketball is so blue collar.
C) He is still trying to perfect his slice to the right.
D) You meet so many minorities on a golf course; tending the greens and carrying clubs.
E) John is keeping his putter in prime condition.
F) John is guarding all the Republican balls. He can't afford to lose a single one.
G) Sand traps. If you don't keep an eye on them, they start to breed.
H) John has been studying the links between home forclosures and crab grass.
I) John is engaged in looking for illegal aliens hiding in clubhouse bars and showers.
J) John has been meeting his true constituants - white guys in shorts and spikes.
K) Hey, its exhausting doing nothing all the time. You try it.
A) Putt-Putt is just not good enough for Government work.
B) Basketball is so blue collar.
C) He is still trying to perfect his slice to the right.
D) You meet so many minorities on a golf course; tending the greens and carrying clubs.
E) John is keeping his putter in prime condition.
F) John is guarding all the Republican balls. He can't afford to lose a single one.
G) Sand traps. If you don't keep an eye on them, they start to breed.
H) John has been studying the links between home forclosures and crab grass.
I) John is engaged in looking for illegal aliens hiding in clubhouse bars and showers.
J) John has been meeting his true constituants - white guys in shorts and spikes.
K) Hey, its exhausting doing nothing all the time. You try it.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday November 22, 2009
SEN. BLANCHE LINCOLN (D-ARK) SAYS SHE IS THINKING ABOUT CITIZENS OF ARKANSAS WHEN SHE VOTES ON THE HEALTH CARE BILL. BUT WHAT WILL SHE BE THINKING ABOUT, REALLY?
A) How to avoid making any decision.
B) Arkansas victory over Mississippi State
C) The jobless rate in Arkansas is up to 7.6%
D) The donation she received from Humana
E) The donations she received from PHAR RESEARCH & MANUFACTURERS GOVERNMENT COMMITTEE
F) The donation she received from ABBOTT LABORATORIES EMPLOYEE PAC
G) The donation she received from UNIVERSAL HEALTH SERVICES EMPLOYEES' GOOD GOVERNMENT FUND
H) The donation she received from MEDTRONIC MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY FUND
I) The donation she received from BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD ASSOCIATION PAC
J) The donation she received from WELLPOINT, INC. WELLPAC
K) The donation she received from VANGUARD HEALTH MANAGEMENT PAC
L) The denation she received from the NAT ASSOC OF BROADCASTERS PAC
M) Why the hell do we fund fund a government employee this way?
A) How to avoid making any decision.
B) Arkansas victory over Mississippi State
C) The jobless rate in Arkansas is up to 7.6%
D) The donation she received from Humana
E) The donations she received from PHAR RESEARCH & MANUFACTURERS GOVERNMENT COMMITTEE
F) The donation she received from ABBOTT LABORATORIES EMPLOYEE PAC
G) The donation she received from UNIVERSAL HEALTH SERVICES EMPLOYEES' GOOD GOVERNMENT FUND
H) The donation she received from MEDTRONIC MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY FUND
I) The donation she received from BLUE CROSS BLUE SHIELD ASSOCIATION PAC
J) The donation she received from WELLPOINT, INC. WELLPAC
K) The donation she received from VANGUARD HEALTH MANAGEMENT PAC
L) The denation she received from the NAT ASSOC OF BROADCASTERS PAC
M) Why the hell do we fund fund a government employee this way?
Friday, November 20, 2009
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 20, 2009
WHAT SHOULD BE THE TITLE FOR SARA'S NEXT BOOK
A) Still going rogue after all these years.
B) Levi Johnson is a big fat poo head.
C) Trailer parks of the great north.
D) Tylor Perry's, Madea goes White.
E) Five more chapters.
F) Twilight; Bad moon
G) 2012 - The world ends with a bang.
H) Sara Palin -The idiot you are argueing with.
I) Freaking stupid-nomics.
A) Still going rogue after all these years.
B) Levi Johnson is a big fat poo head.
C) Trailer parks of the great north.
D) Tylor Perry's, Madea goes White.
E) Five more chapters.
F) Twilight; Bad moon
G) 2012 - The world ends with a bang.
H) Sara Palin -The idiot you are argueing with.
I) Freaking stupid-nomics.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 18, 2009
OBAMA'S NEGOTIATIONS WITH CHINA SHOULD BEGIN WITH...
A) Human Rights.
B) Could you spot me a fin for a Starbucks' cinnamon mocha Komodo?
C) Freedom for Internet Access.
D) You give us six coal miners, we give you five hundred investment bankers. Fair?
E) Free the jailed dissadents.
F) Flat rate; two billion and you get George Bush, motivational speaker, for life. He's in very good shape. He'll probably live forever
G) Do more to stop movie piracy.
H) Could I speak to my Dell Customer Service Rep from Shanghi, again? Because my blackberry menue is still not downloading
I) Really? You didn't get that check? Because I'm sure we mailed it. People's Reublican of China, Right?
A) Human Rights.
B) Could you spot me a fin for a Starbucks' cinnamon mocha Komodo?
C) Freedom for Internet Access.
D) You give us six coal miners, we give you five hundred investment bankers. Fair?
E) Free the jailed dissadents.
F) Flat rate; two billion and you get George Bush, motivational speaker, for life. He's in very good shape. He'll probably live forever
G) Do more to stop movie piracy.
H) Could I speak to my Dell Customer Service Rep from Shanghi, again? Because my blackberry menue is still not downloading
I) Really? You didn't get that check? Because I'm sure we mailed it. People's Reublican of China, Right?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
SUNDAY NOVEMBER 15, 2009
LOU DOBBS HAS NOW LEFT CNN. WHAT WILL THE ULTIMATE EFFECT OF THIS BE?
A) The illegal aliens who care for his daughter's show horses, are less likely to be paid a living wage with health care coverage.
B) Lou can now file for Social Security without fear of being unmasked as a hypocite on air.
C) Oberman will have to go back to impersonating baseball players.
D) Fox just hired another "fair and balanced" "birther" nut job.
E) The drunks hunting in the woods near his estate can go back to shooting toward his house.
F) Lou can go back to using his full name; Louis I.
G) Lou can assume his public role as the new Wall Sreet graphic novel hero, "Batty Man- Defender of the Entitled"
H) Ultimatly Lou will live a long and prosperous life, and then he will die, peacefully in his bed. And the rest of America will be able to say, "Finally."
A) The illegal aliens who care for his daughter's show horses, are less likely to be paid a living wage with health care coverage.
B) Lou can now file for Social Security without fear of being unmasked as a hypocite on air.
C) Oberman will have to go back to impersonating baseball players.
D) Fox just hired another "fair and balanced" "birther" nut job.
E) The drunks hunting in the woods near his estate can go back to shooting toward his house.
F) Lou can go back to using his full name; Louis I.
G) Lou can assume his public role as the new Wall Sreet graphic novel hero, "Batty Man- Defender of the Entitled"
H) Ultimatly Lou will live a long and prosperous life, and then he will die, peacefully in his bed. And the rest of America will be able to say, "Finally."
Friday, November 13, 2009
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2009
DEDE SCOZZAFAVA, THE SPURNED REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE IN THE 23RD DISTRICT IN UPSTATE NEW YORK, SAYS THE GOP "IS NOT BASED ON ANY SORT OF SUBSTANCE." SO WHAT IS IT MOSTLY BASED ON?
A) Jello.
B) Flatulence and Metamucil
C) Straw and Sticks.
D) Progressive phobia.
E) Cheap cement.
F) The ethos of the 1985 season of Dallas: The Bush years were all a dream.
G) Alcohol and Jesus.
H) Nothing. Absolutly nothing.
A) Jello.
B) Flatulence and Metamucil
C) Straw and Sticks.
D) Progressive phobia.
E) Cheap cement.
F) The ethos of the 1985 season of Dallas: The Bush years were all a dream.
G) Alcohol and Jesus.
H) Nothing. Absolutly nothing.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 11, 2009
ADDING ABORTION RESTRICTIONS TO THE HEALTH CARE BILL BILL PROVES...
A) That Catholic Bishops are not interested in helping their flock unless their flock members are rich Republicans.
B) It is still the politics of division. Fear of others for Republicans. Fear of of abortion restrictions for Democrats. Either way, the GOP wins.
C) Chris Mathews remains one the biggest overrated idiots in Washington, D.C.. What an idiot, As predictable as a Republican
D) Give it up. Take the barganing chip, and in two years the reborn GOP will push for it. Or the GOP will be gone.
E) This is war, We are trading lives. Accept that. More women's lives will be saved with health car reform.
F) If you are not disgusted by poltics, you don't reall know poltics.
A) That Catholic Bishops are not interested in helping their flock unless their flock members are rich Republicans.
B) It is still the politics of division. Fear of others for Republicans. Fear of of abortion restrictions for Democrats. Either way, the GOP wins.
C) Chris Mathews remains one the biggest overrated idiots in Washington, D.C.. What an idiot, As predictable as a Republican
D) Give it up. Take the barganing chip, and in two years the reborn GOP will push for it. Or the GOP will be gone.
E) This is war, We are trading lives. Accept that. More women's lives will be saved with health car reform.
F) If you are not disgusted by poltics, you don't reall know poltics.
Friday, November 6, 2009
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2001
THE MOST OUTRAGOUS REPORT I HEARD FROM FT. HOOD YESTERDAY WAS...
A) CNN warning that three shooters meant a conspiracy.
B) FOX NEWS clearly holding Dick Cheney in the wings to say "I told you so."
C) MSNBC feeding the direct paranoia from a local Texas station.
D) Oh, heck, Just FOX in general.
E) CNN acting as if they have any credibility left at all.
A) CNN warning that three shooters meant a conspiracy.
B) FOX NEWS clearly holding Dick Cheney in the wings to say "I told you so."
C) MSNBC feeding the direct paranoia from a local Texas station.
D) Oh, heck, Just FOX in general.
E) CNN acting as if they have any credibility left at all.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2009
THE PUNDIT PONTIFICATION ON THE "BY" ELECTION LAST NIGHT HAS PROVEN THAT...
A) Most political pundits are idiots!
B) The defintion of "pundit" has become "A Republican mouth piece with something stupid to say."
C) They learned everything they know from watching Paula Abdu on American Idol.
D) It ain't abouit the election. It's about the pundits. Our democracy has become their game show.
E) Go to bed with Chris Matthews and wake up with Al Roker. What a hang over!
F) The pudits are no longer phunny. Please bring back Gilligan's Island.
G) They should be treated like MLB umpires. Rotate the jobs until we all have a shot. Wait, we already do that. It's called an election!
I) All pundits are idiots!
J) Old Pundits never die. They just keep repeting the same stchick forever.
K) Three more pundits will achieve critical mass. Then we can drop the Pundit bomb on Iran.
A) Most political pundits are idiots!
B) The defintion of "pundit" has become "A Republican mouth piece with something stupid to say."
C) They learned everything they know from watching Paula Abdu on American Idol.
D) It ain't abouit the election. It's about the pundits. Our democracy has become their game show.
E) Go to bed with Chris Matthews and wake up with Al Roker. What a hang over!
F) The pudits are no longer phunny. Please bring back Gilligan's Island.
G) They should be treated like MLB umpires. Rotate the jobs until we all have a shot. Wait, we already do that. It's called an election!
I) All pundits are idiots!
J) Old Pundits never die. They just keep repeting the same stchick forever.
K) Three more pundits will achieve critical mass. Then we can drop the Pundit bomb on Iran.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 2009
WHAT DOES THE WITHDRAW OF REPUBLICAN DEDE SCOZZAFAVA FROM THE RACE FOR NEW YORK'S 23rd CONGRSSIONAL DISTRICT MEAN FOR THE NATIONAL DEMOCRATS?
A) It is time to call anybody still following the elephant a looney, walking in elephant crap.
B) It is time to encourage the Blue Dogs to form their own party. No, really. The sooner the better.
C) RINO: Famous last words. DINO: Learn from your enemies mistakes.
D) That the Democrats should run her for congress in the next election.
E) Get the public option in health care reform in any form. In two years liberals can write their own bill.
F) Joe Liberman has the wrong dick in his mouth, again.
A) It is time to call anybody still following the elephant a looney, walking in elephant crap.
B) It is time to encourage the Blue Dogs to form their own party. No, really. The sooner the better.
C) RINO: Famous last words. DINO: Learn from your enemies mistakes.
D) That the Democrats should run her for congress in the next election.
E) Get the public option in health care reform in any form. In two years liberals can write their own bill.
F) Joe Liberman has the wrong dick in his mouth, again.
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