SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 30. 2012 YOUR AKIN HEART

Which metaphor do you think best describes Missouri Republican Senate candidate Rep. Todd Akin?

A) Sexist pig

B) Neanderthal pig

C) Right-wing pig

D) Porky Pig

E) Occupant of the porcine throne

F) Media hog

G) Rumpled pigskin

H) Akin to snort

I) S'nout a gentleman

J) A real boar

K) Igpay idiotay

L) Universal slop dispenser

M) Sow-sage grinder

N) Ham hockey puck

O) Typical Tea Party Pig

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2012 AND THEN I SAID...

Politico: 9/25/12 – Paul Ryan (and other GOP operatives) have begun referring to Mitt Romney as “The Stench”. What do you think will be their next nickname for their nominee?

A) Whats-his-name

B) Who?

C) What?

D) Why?

E) Richie Rich

F) The un-Santorum

G) The Not Newt

H) Schmuck faced doody-head

I) Buzz kill

J) Mr. 1%

K) Mr. 47%

L) Loser

M) The Shadow

N) The Hulk

O) Not my fault

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2012 A LITTLE OFF THE TOP

What is Mitt Romney's favorite tax deduction?

A) Cake - lots and lots of cake

B) Dependent deduction for Rafalca

C) Long term capital Bain deduction

D) Grecian formula (industrial strength)

E) Carmel One Hispanic theatrical makeup

F) $10 million loss – Auric Goldfinger investments

G) $3 million - flights to Cayman Island to audit investments

H) Annual travel deduction for Seamus IV and V

I) $10k gambling loss – Rick Perry

J) $1 million - Spanish language lessons

K) $5 million – Mandarin language lessons

L) $10 million – female language lessons

M) Charity – Cruella De Vil “ruff-top” fund

N) $4 million – blue collar costumes

O) Investment consultant – Lucius Malfoy

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 16, 2012 ALL POLITICS IS LOCAL

Politico 9/14/'12; Senate Republicans are buying time in (red state) Indiana. Despite candidate Richard (Insanely great) Mourdock''s public statements, what does this ad buy tell you about GOP beliefs?

A) Taxpayers are not slaves

B) “Politics” is not inflicting your opinion on someone else

C) Bipartisanship is not converting Democrats into Republicans

D) Being a loud jackass is not a functional political philosophy

E) “Smart” is not an insult

F) A dribble glass is not art

G) Not even all Hoosiers think arson is a valid economic theory

H) The Tea Party is a political herpes – even in Indiana

I) Mr. Mourdock may be too dumb to win a spitting contest with a sand flea

J) A speed bump does not justify a Senator's salary

K) The pundits will later insist they knew he could never win

L) Mourdock will not be gracious – win or lose

M) Vulgar always sells – to adolescents

N) You can fool all of the people some of the time – etc, etc., etc.

O) Mitt is not helping the down ticket.  

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2012 OR REMOVE ALL DOUBT

What great historical events should Mitt Romney have provided political guidance on?

A) Valley Forge

B) The Edsel

C) Euro Disney

D) Jay Leno at 10PM

E) John Carter (On Mars)

F) Crystal Pepsi

G) Opening Al Capone's Vault

H) John McCain for President 2008

I) Custer's Last Stand

J) Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin breakup

K) Tet 1968

M) Hale Barry as “Cat woman”

N) The Great Depression

O) Pearl Harbor

P) The next Kardashian wedding

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2012 FAILURE TO LAUNCH WELL

Politico 9/9.'12: “The Romney campaign...privately lament that state-by-state polling numbers — most glaringly in Ohio — are working in the president’s favor.” Why don't the American people love Mitt Romney?

A) His pollsters haven't told him yet. But then he'll know

B) He looks more like a head waiter than a President

C) Its the Cayman Islands IRA

D) Its the Swiss bank account

E) Its the Cayman Island and Swiss bank accounts

F) Sounds like he's lying when he's being honest. Also when he's lying

G) Ronald Reagan’s Grecian formula looked more natural then Mitt's real hair

H) The last time Mitt was honest was in 1973 -or there about's.

I) He looks more like a villain on Scooby-Doo, than a President

J) He gave his testicles to The Tea Party, expecting them to be returned in November.

K) Stingy. He reeks of stingy

L) He is not a salesman. Mitt was in acquisitions

M) He looks more like a mortician than a President

N) He reminds you of the rich relative who never cooks for family pot luck dinners

O) Almost as wooden as Pinocchio, but without the adorable nose thing

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2012. A PRINCE AMONG KINGS

Huffington Post 9/7/'12: “Russian President Vladimir Putin is reportedly planning to put on a fake beak and fly a motorized hang-glider to lead a flock of endangered young Siberian white cranes on part of their migration to Asia ” What will be Putin's next feat?

A) Bitch slap the Dos Equis guy

B) Money manager operating Romney's Cayman Islands 401K

C) Re-discovering Ayn Rand's long forgotten “warm and fuzzy” children's book.

D) Kristen Stewart's next boyfriend

E) Making the Music Video Awards seem relevant

F) Building up Simon Cowell's ego

G) Deprograming Tom Cruise

H) Deprgraming Paul Ryan

I) Debugging Joe Biden

J) Two words – “Hispanics for Romney”

K) Teaching anger management to Allen (“81 Democrats are commies”) West

L) Marriage counselor to Mary Matalin and James Carvelle

M) H&R Block accountant preparing Mitt Romney's 2011 return

N) Guest lecturer for “trickle-down” economics course

O) Electing Drew Peterson “Husband of the Year”

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2. 2012. ONE STAR TOO MANY

After Thursday night's performance at the RNC, which re-named Eastwood movie would you pay to see?

A) The High Brains Drifter

B) The Soon-to-be-Dead Pool

C) Hang 'Em Up!

D) The One Forgetful

E) Farts of Our Fathers

F) The Old Man Mostly Wales

G) The Befuddled

H) Escape from Alka Seltzer

I) Honky Chair-man

J) Pale Chider

K) White Hunter, Yellow Teeth

L) Mystic Drivel

M) Old Codger's Bluff

N) Invective Gus

O) Milk of Magnesium Force