SUNDAY, MARCH 25, 2012 AND THE WINNER IS...

WHICH WILL ROGERS QUOTE BEST DESCRIBES THE CURRENT REPUBLICAN PRIMARIES?

A) Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

B) Elections are a good deal like marriages. There’s no accounting for anyone’s taste

C) The best thing about this group of candidates is that only one of them can win.

D) A fool and his money are soon elected.

E) I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father."

F) I don’t think (Republicans)...have done so bad. Everybody’s broke but them.

G) Republicans...fear...an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes.

H) If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics

I) The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

J) Washington was a politician and a gentleman. That’s a rare combination

K) Every guy looks in his pocket and then votes.

L) Congress...(will) vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.

M) I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons.

N) I doubt if either man, as good as they are, are worth what it will cost to elect them.

O) Democrats take the whole thing as a joke. Republicans take it serious but run it like a joke.

FRIDAY, MARCH 23, 2012 ITS SLINKY, ITS SLINKY, ITS A WONDERFUL TOY!

Other than Etch-a-Sketch, what game do you think Mitt Romney enjoyed most as a child?

A) Twister

B) Hot Wheels (in default)

C) Silly Putty (comes in its own empty nest egg!)

D) Hungry Hungry Hedge Fund Managers

E) Star Wars Death Star Play Set

F) Mr. Potato Head

G) Politcal Transformer – Optimus Sub-Prime

H) Viagra Erector Sets

I) no-Risk – The Wall Street Game

J) Talking Barbie (“May I have a Transvaginal Ultra Sound, Please?”)

K) Not-Really Sorry (a Wall Street bored game)

L) Trival Per - The Suits

M) Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Battlin' Stock Brokers

N) Monopoly

O) The Original Slinky

WEDNESDAY MARCH 21, 2012 THE WALKING DEAD

Which character from the Walking Dead best speaks for the GOP today?

RICK – “This no longer a democracy”.

LAURIE - “He was trying so hard to be reasonable. That just pushed my buttons even more.”

SHANE -   “You can't just be the good guy and expect to live. Not anymore.”

GLEN - "So, uh, guys? The barns full of walkers."

DALE - “The world we know is gone, but keeping our humanity? That's a choice.”

DARYL - "You shoot me again? You best pray I'm dead."

AMY - “The world ended. Didn't you get the memo?”

HERSCHEL - “There is no hope and you know it now, like I do, don't you?”

MAGGIE - “You see 11 condoms, I see 11 minutes of my life I'm not getting back.”

RANDALL - “Umph. Gawk.”

OTIS - “I'm down to my last.”

SOPHIA-  “Grrrrrr”

T-DOGG - “World gone to hell, the dead risen up to eat the living and Theodore Douglas is done here by a cut on his arm.”

CARL - “Are we safe now, Dad?”

CAROL - “My daughter doesn't deserve to die.”  

SUNDAY MARCH 18, 2012 THAT THING YOU DO

SLATE 3/16/12: “Asked Friday what conditions could result in him ending his presidential campaign, Gingrich responded: "Probably none." What condition do you think would convince Newt to quit?

A) Quit what?

B) Unlimited Tiffany Charge Account

C) A statue in the Missouri State House “Hall of Fame”

D) A life-time free pass to the San Diego Zoo.

E) $10 million cash

F) $100 million cash

G) If Callista told him to quit

H) Life-time free pass to Moonlite Bunny Ranch

I) An honorary history degree from a real college.

J) Rush Limbaugh's time slot

K) The very second it stops paying him to run

L) If he could take out Mitt Romney on his way out the door.

M) Another Holiday Cruise to Greece

N) A life-time no-fault free divorce pass from the Pope

O) If the Moon men should ask him to serve as their president.

FRIDAY MARCH 16, 2012 NAME YOUR POSION

Which is your favorite description of the four remaining Republican Presidential candidates?

A) Four Horsemen Selling the Apocalypse

B) Hughie, Dewie and Louie and Grumpy.

C) The Teletubbies

D) The Lack-of-Spice Boys

E) The In-Fantastic Four

F) Dumb and Dumber, and Even Dumber and Their-Crazy Uncle Dumbo

G) The Three Little Pigs and the Capitalist Pig

H) Goldilocks and the Three Bare Faced Lairs

I) Groucho, Cheato, Harping-on-and-on and Zenophile

J) Three Blind Mice and the Ghost of Seamus

K) The Tin Man, The Cowardly Lion, The Scarecrow and Their Crazy Uncle Dorthy

L) Lead Zeppland

M) The Three Muffed-it-skateers and Cardinal Richelieu

N) Four Part Disharmony

O) Three Dog Night and Seamus

SUNDAY MARCH 11, 2012 FOLLOW THE LEADER

Who has a bigger losing streak than Newt Gingrich?

A) Rep. John Boehner

B) Sisyphus

C) Antonio Salieri

D) Dick Cheney

E) Rush Limbaugh

F) Governor Thomas Dewey

G) Senator Arlen Spector

H) Christine O'Donnell

I) Michael Steele

J) George Costanza

K) Norman Mailer

L) John Carter (on Mars)

M) Milhouse Van Houten

N) Byron “Buster” Bluth

O) Senator Joe Lieberman

FRIDAY, MARCH 9, 2012 IS A BIG FAT IDIOT

Politico (3/6/12) ran a list of 10 “Little Known Rush Limbaugh Facts”. Can you tell which of the following at not on their list?

A) Has scented candles burning constantly in his home – because he stinks.

B) Actually sweats gravy - from his head. His armpits sweat cranberry sauce

C) His first job was shinning shoes. And he may have to fall back on that career

D) Has never served in the military, and yet encourages others to go get shot at.

E) Was legally deaf until 2001. Since then he has merely been deaf to women, Latinos, blacks and working class Americans

F) Has six toes on his left foot, or did in 1993, when he last saw it.

G) Drives the same car – a Maybach 57S - as many gangta rappers.

H) Supreme Court Justice Thomas married him to his fourth wife. He's hoping to move up for wife number five

I) Was a P.R. Man for the Kansas City Royals Baseball team No really, K.C. has a pro ball team

J) Was named after his great-great grandmother, Edna Rush - a well known whore and tramp.

K) Twice smoked grass – but he didn't like it because it made him feel like a socialist

L) Has been married four times and has no children, making him an expert on contraception

M) Almost got his own Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, “Berry-Berry Misogynist”

N) Described William F. Buckly as “indescribable”, which is the same way Buckley described Rush.

O) Is not the biggest jackass on the planet. Just the loudest biggest jackass on the planet

TUESDAY MARCH 6, 2012 THE MOUTH THAT ATE ITSELF

Who recently described Russ Limbaugh as “an insincere pig, pill-popping pinhead.”?

A) Politician Richard Nixon

B) Actor Adam Baldwin

C) Politician Rick Santorum

D) Actor Alec Baldwin

E) Politician John McCain

F) Political-Nudge Joe Lieberman

G) First Momma Barbara Bush

H) Governor Chris Christie

I) Actress Patrica Heaton

J) Coumnist George Will

K) Comedian Larry the Cable Guy

L) Actor Kelsy Grammer

M) Actor Stephen Baldwin

N) Actor Billy Baldwin

O) Shock Jock Don Imus

Answer: It was Don Imus. He should know, right?

SUNDAY MARCH 3, 2012 BIG MOUTH WASH OUT

ASSOCIATED PRESS 3/3/12: “Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh apologized Saturday (on his website)...” What should the fat man do after radio?

A) What, after? Two weeks after he's dead his microphone will still be ringing with stupidity

B) New host of “The Price is Right!”

C) He'll go back to being an NFL football commentator

D) Weather Girl for a Detroit TV station

E) Warm Up comic for Ted Nugent

F) What else? Get divorced and re-marry

G) Learn to play the piano, ala “Groundhog Day”

H) Die in an unfortunate Yoga accident, with one foot up his ass while the other was still in his mouth

I) Be beaten to death by troop of godless progressive indoctrinated Girl Scouts

J) Same thing as now - wholesale fertilizer salesman

K) “Before” model for Jenny Craig

L) “After” model for Dairy Queen

M) Spokesperson for Oxycontin

N) Toastmaster for Brotherhood Club of America

O) Clown College

FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 2012 BIG MOUTH ASS

Politico 3/1/12: Russ Limbaugh (called) a Georgetown...law student who testified....about contraception a “prostitute” and a “slut”” Which Monkees song do you think should be rewritten for Russ.

A) Its a Little Bit Me, a Little Bite out of You

B) Theme (Hey, Hey, I'm a Monkey)

C) Take a Giant Step (Into the Dark Ages)

D) I Wanna Be Free (to take my Oxicotin)

E) Take Last Train to Boars-ville I Meet You At the Clinic

F) Now I'm Believer (in the most amazing bullshit)

G) It's Another Pleasant Valley Sunday (Where the women are seen but not heard)

H) I'm a Day Dream Believer (and a fat sexist pig)

I) Look Out (here comes the !9^th century again)

J) No, No, I'm Not Your Obstetrician (I just play one on the radio)

K) Marry, Marry, (Till you get it right)

L) Valleri (Jerett), she's the same little girl who used to hang around my door

M) A Man Without a Dream (and yet I'm Making Millions)

N) No Time (left for using your brain)

O) When Logic Comes Knockin' at My Door (I don't open it)