Wednesday, February 29, 2012

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 29, 2012 I'M IN THE MONEY!


L.A. Times 2/27/12: "The rich really are different from the rest of us, scientists have found — they are more apt to commit unethical acts because they are more motivated by greed...Because rich people have more financial resources, they're less dependent on social bonds for survival, the Berkeley researchers reported Monday in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. As a result, their self-interest reigns and they have fewer qualms about breaking the rules. "If you occupy a more insular world, you're less likely to be sensitive to the needs of others," said study lead author Paul Piff, who is studying for a doctorate in psychology."

If the 1% were picking, what film would have won the Oscar for Best Picture this year?

A) Mission Impossible – Being Honest

B) Drive Angry All the Time 3D

C) Sucker Punch the Waitress with a 1% Tip

D) Green Lantern – Searching For a Dishonest Man

E) Conan the Barbarian is My Role Model

F) The Whistle Blower Gets Buried in a Corn Field and is Never Heard From Again

G) Horrible Bosses Win Again!

H) Mr. Popper's Penguins Floating Beak Down in a Sea of BP Profits Part IV

I) We Bought a Zoo and Ate the Animals

J) Pirates of the Caribbean – Accounts in Cayman Isle

K) Atlas Shrugged Part I., Ayn Rand Finds Her 401K Has Been Emptied

L) Paranormal Activity Three- Making Congress Go Away

M) Money Balls and Dick Heads

N) Our Idiot Brother Who Became a Teacher

O) Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Sunday, February 26, 2012

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2012. DUMB AND DUMBEST



The Journal Gazette 2/21/12: “Rep Bob Morris...has (called) the... Girl Scouts a ... "radicalized organization (that) supports abortion and promotes the "homosexual lifestyle”. What cookies is Bob ordering this year?

A) Thin Edge of Sanity Mints

B) Free-Love Samoas

C) Marxist deLites

D) Abortion Tapalongs

E) Birth Control Patties

F) Do-Si-Dos with a condom

G) Peanut-Brain Butter-brain Sandwich

H) Menage-a-Trefoils

I) Sex and Shortbread

J) Godless Shout-Outs

K) Thanks-A-Lots for the S.T. D.s

K) Savanna Guilty Smiles

M) Thank-U-Berry Munch and Socialism

N) Dulced Communist de Leche

O) Paranoid Lemonades.

Friday, February 24, 2012

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 24, 2012 DIMINISHING RETURNS



POLITCO 2/22/12: “Former R.N.C. Chairman Ed Gillespie warned...“If the Republican nominee in 2020 gets the same percentage of (minority) votes that Sen. McCain got, the Democrat will win by 14 points.” If you were making G.O.P. strategy, what movie would you base your strategy upon?

A) Underworld

B) The Godfather Part I

C) The Matrix

D) Forrest Gump

E) Fight Club

F) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

G) Inception

H) Alien

I) The Big Lebowski

J) Jaws

K) Monty Python and the Holy Grail

L) Avatar

M) Shaun of the Dead

N) Gone With the Wind

O) The Hangover

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 22, 2012 THE TWEET HEARD ROUND THE WORLD

Politco 1/20/12: Rupert Murdoch's latest tweet on the GOP race...”Santorum doing great. Values really do count...Win Michigan game over.” What should we tweet back to Rupert?

A) Convict James Murdoch of hacking - game over #hewillspillhisguts

B) welcome home@gottohell

C) G8 a soul u bitter greedy old Aussie

D) Paid da Pope enuf for f2f w God yet?

E) BTY, OH Satan wants his pitchfork back

F) Rupert, sorry we hacked ur phone 2. How's new hemroid cream working?

G) Surrounded by peeps who wld sell u out 4 cash. njoy

H) u g8 what u pay 4, bff b4 the subpoena comes

I) made ur bed#anythingtosellnewspapers

J) itz just $$ #LMAO

K) legal tweets r best tweetsuit

L) TIA 4 the subpoena

M) How many tweeple does it take 2 tweet 4 a rich old tweetard?

N) Dear God, wld u like a fav mention in the WSJ?

O) Dear Satan, wld u like a fave mention in the WSJ?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2012 RIDDLE ME THIS

POLITICO 2/29/12: “ABC News reports that the Mitt Romney campaign is deploying Donald Trump as a surrogate in radio interviews in Michigan.”....Trump adviser Michael Cohen said, "When Mr. Trump elected to endorse the governor, it's wasn't a mere symbolic gesture, it was legitimately an offer to help in any way possible, and as the governor continues to ask, Mr. Trump will look to comply."  Romney is making an all-in push for his native state, as polls show a tight contest there with Santorum, and as his campaign has called Michigan a must-win to supporters."

How would you explain this decision to remind voters that Trump has endorsed Mitt?

A) WTF???!

B) Somebody in Mitt's campain is working for Santorum.

C) Desperation

D) Mitt has never watched Celebrity Apprentice.

E) Mitt is going after the pompous jackass vote.

F) David Duke was not available.

G) It was either the Donald or a “I'm not a witch” ad

H) You've heard of “Hail Mary, pass.”? This is a “Hey, asshole!” pass

I) Things are so bad for Mitt, it can't hurt.

J) Mitt has been outsourcing his campaign strategy...to China

K) The ghost of Seamus strickes again.

L) God wants Santorum to win the nomination so she can really punish the sanctimonious dick-head

M) Polling shows it is vital that Mitt alienate the barber shop vote

N) The Donald has pictures of Romney holding hands with Woopie Goldberg

O) This is inexplicable.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 19, 2012 THE NEVER ENDING STORY


THE HILL 2/18/12: “Newt Gingrich mocked his Republican rivals for pulling out of a planned debate....saying the other candidates were "afraid"...” What would be the best respose from Romney and Santorum?


A) Are you talking to me?

B) Love means never having to say your sorry.

C) I'll be back.

D) Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn

E) You're gonna need a bigger boat.

F) I see dead people

G) You got to ask yourself, do you feel lucky? Well, do you punk?

H) Well, la-de-da, la-de-da.

I) Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me.

J) Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown

K) I'll get you, my pretty. And your little dog too.

L) Attica, Attica

M) It was beauty killed the beast.

N) Hasta la vista, baby

O) Mother of mercy, is this the end of Ricco?

Friday, February 17, 2012

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 17, 2011. DON'T HELP ME SO MUCH

What would be your best choice off the (real) Menu at a Foster Friess ice cream parlor?


A) A Scoop of Vanilla topped with Nuts and an aspirin.

B) Low Fat-head Soft Serve and an Aspirin

C) Berry Bananna Split-legs and an Aspirin

D) A Bannana Twister slowly-slowly in the wind, Onion Rings and an Aspirin.

E) Money Bag-burger and a side of Friess Fries

F) Its Always a Sundae Topped with Nuts.

G) A pure Vanilla Ice Cream Cone-head with nuts

H) Take an Old Smoothie with Nuts and an Aspirin and Call Me the Morning After

I) The Big Boss Burger is Always Right

J) A Double Old Fashion Combo and Two Aspirin

K) A Turkey Corn Dog and an Aspirin

L) A Sausage Biscuit and an Aspirin

M) A Turkey-Swiss Pretzel Bun Combo and an Aspirin

N) A Peach Smoothy and an Aspirin

O) Eat Somewhere Else

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2012, TRUMP CARD

The Las Vegas Sun 2/6/12: “Donald Trump, who endorsed Romney on Thursday at his Las Vegas hotel, took credit for Romney’s win in Nevada’s GOP presidential caucuses. “There was a lot riding on that particular race in Nevada. And, it was interesting because the numbers were much, much greater than he thought,” Trump said. “And a lot of people are giving me credit, and I will accept that credit. Always accept credit.”


What will The Donald take credit for next?

A) Owning the most world's most expensive bad hair cut

B) Having the world's largest prenuptial agreement collection

C) Basing his Presidental campaign strategy on the World Wrestling Entertaiment playbook

D) Screwing every contestant of his Miss USA pagent, without ever havng sex with any of them.

E) Screwing every contestant of his Miss Teen USA pagent, ditto, ditto, ditto.

F) Screwing every contestent of his Miss Universe pagent, ditto, ditto, ditto

G) Holding the world's record for bankruptcy without ever actually losing any of his own money

H) He invented eating pizza with a fork

I) He inventied English pizza – topped with motzarella cheese, fish and chips.

J) He secretly won the WWE title under the name “The Masked White Ego”

K) He is the biggest fraud in the world.

L) He bought the English Channel, because he wanted to contact Henery V

M) Underneath all that makeup and fake tan, he is actually Barak Obama

N) It's all his own hair. Which he does not dye.

O) When he undresses for bed, he looks like Mickey Rooney

Monday, February 6, 2012

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 2012 CHANGING THE TUNE

What would you suggest for the new Republican Talking Point on the economy?


A) The doom will come out tomorrow

B) You could drop dead tomorrow. Where's your social security now, Moses?

C) Your only hope is feeling hope-less

D) Things are getting better just to fool you into thinking things are getting better

E) This is all a liberal plot.

F) Voting Democratic is sinning against your rich overlords.

G) Obama, who was responsible for things being bad, is not responsible for things getting better

H) Pay no attention to the Bankers behind the curtain

I) Its still the Union's fault

J) We don't have a flat tire. The other three tires are overly round.

K) Corporations are people too – like Charles Manson and Benedict Arnold.

L) Planned Parenthood is Evil, er, horrible, er, bad, er, .beurocratic, oh, never mind

M) Drill baby drill!

N) Ron Paul is starting to look sane, isn't he.

O) The Party must harken to its base - homophobic, racially bigoted, home-schooled and off its meds..

Sunday, February 5, 2012

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 5, 2012 ERGO EST EGO MANIA


POLITICO, 2/3/12: “A GOP operative who won plaudits for bolstering Mitt Romney’s recent debate performances is....an apparent victim of internal tensions...The internal machinations come as Romney has reasserted himself...the Boston high command is especially deferential to the man aides call “the gov”...The campaign held a conference call this week, multiple sources said, in which a clear message was delivered — Romney pulled himself back from the brink after South Carolina, and no one else did it for him.”
*
HUFFINGTON POST 1/13/12: “According to a new biography of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney, former Sen. Judd Gregg (R-N.H.) felt pushed aside...Gregg, who had been acting as Romney's national campaign cochair...was...mostly shut out of the decision making.....Asked why a campaign wouldn't take advantage of one of the most experienced political operations in New Hampshire, Gregg responded with a single word: "Ego.”
*
In his secret interior life, what do you think is Mitt Romney's secret super hero persona?

A) Super Richie Rich (bitten by a radioactive Mormon Cricket)

B) Captain Equity (bitten by a radioactive Credit Swap)

C) Super Sociopath (bitten by zombie Frued.)

D) Conan the Barbarian (bitten by himself)

E) The Money Eater

F) The Profit of Doom

F) Dr. Strange

G) Dick Grayson

H) The Greedy Lantern

I) The 13.9% Man

J) The Untaxable Man

K) The Corporate Defender

L) The Entitled Entity

M) Scrooge McDuck

N) Dr. Frozen Face

O) Willard Vanilla

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

WEDNESDAY FEBRUARY 1, 2012 SCENE STEALER

What movie quote should Newt Gingrich use, should he ever get another chance to debate Mitt Romney?


A) “Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?”

B) “I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.”

C) “All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.”

D) “You talkin' to me?”

E) “I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

F) “I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!”

G) “Show me the money!”

H) “You're gonna need a bigger boat.”

I) “I'll be back.”

J) “What we've got here is failure to communicate.”

K) "It's alive! It's alive!”

L) “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.”

M) “Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper,...”

N) “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

O) “I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!”