SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2013. DOMINA MAY I

Report: “Pope Benedict XVI Resigned...Because Of Powerful Vatican Gay Lobby”. What was the top demand of the Vatican gay lobby?

A) Understated vestments

B) Cardinals right to marry other cardinals

C) Taco flavored host

D) Time for church doctrine to move into the 18th century

E) Sainthood for Dinah Ross

F) Pedophile priests giving gay priests a bad image

G) Enough with the self flagellation

H) Time for the Catholic Church to stop being the stupid religion

I) Just a suggestion – Mrs. Pope

J) New Church spokesman – Pee Wee Herman

K) Casual Wednesday mass

L) Shrove Tuesday renamed Shove It Tuesday

M) Not so important next Pope be infallible - rather be indefatigable

N) Admit the possibility that Mary was a Virgin queen

O) Actual power for the “powerful Vatican gay lobby”

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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17, 2013. CARPETBAGGER

 Karl Rove has promissed new attacks on Ashley Judd to convince her not to run against Republican U.S. Senator Mitch McConnell What new wedge issues will he use?


A) Just another pretty face. .

B) She has a B.S. from U.K., in French!

C) As a Tamarian on Star Trek NG, she is not a real resident of earth.
D) Couldn't hold onto her husband

E) The movie “Flypaper” disqualifies her from holding public office

F) She never won a Nobel prize.

G) A self-confessed humanitarian

H) Attended the “Kennedy” school at “Harvard”.

I) “Defender of Wild Life” Fund, which Sarah Palin called “a fringe group”

J) Hollywood type tramp. Not a Kentucky type tramp.

K) Was hired by Goody's Family Clothing chain, and they went bankrupt

L) An actor. like John Wilkes Booth.

M) Should be arrested for “The Passion of Darkly Noon”

N) She would never be able to keep Ron Paul under control

O) So “Hollywood”, she's from Tennessee

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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3, 2013 BANG, YOU'RE SURPRISED

The NRA “Scoffs” at the photo of Obama skeet shooting. What will Fox News say the President was really shooting at?

A) Euthanasia for Barney W. Bush

B) Scott Brown's twitter account

C) Dick Cheney's gun caddy

D) Republican hopes and dreams

E) Nancy Reagan's mother's house

F) Matt Drudge's mother's poodle

G) Some white women, somewhere

H) John McCain's prostate

I) John Boehner's legacy

J) Eric Cantor's chances of being Speaker

K) Manti Te'o's girlfriend

L) The heart of every liberal in America

M) Rush Limbaugh's tax right offs

N) The right of the NRA to put a bullet in their own frontal lobe

O) Wayne La Pierre’s mental health co-pay

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 12013 OLD MEN

Arizona Senator John McCain wants to re-fight the Iraq War all over again. What will be the next big question he wants answered?

A) Hey! You kids get off my lawn!

B) Why didn't “The Rural Juror” win an Oscar?

C) Who stole my reading glasses? Oh.

D) Can the U.S. military survive a Soviet first strike?

E) Why is there no crying in baseball?

F) Bomb, bomb, bomb - bomb, bomb, Iran. Now?

G) Why doesn't the Senate cafeteria serve liver more often?

H) Why isn't Elvis Presley national spokesman for “Just say no to drugs”?

I) Do they have to make the printing so damn small?

J) Why is America harboring a communist like John Lennon?

K) The greatest threat to the American family - forced school busing

L) Blurg. Sprft, blurg. Drool

M) Does smoking cigarettes cause cancer?

N) Grenada – communist bastion in the Caribbean?

O) Why won't Lindsey Graham let me hold my own press conferences?

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