SUNDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2012. WHY THE CLIFF?

A new Washington Post/ABC news poll says 72% of Republicans are afraid about the future, while only 34% of Democrats are. Why is the greatest cause of GOP fear?

A) Fox News

B) Impatient for “The Rapture”(@)

C) Mostly stupid, old, white men, anyway

D) Heavily invested in the Mayan Apocalypse

E) They subscribe to the Catholic Archbishops' newsletter

F) They eat only Papa John's Pizza

G) Long time Ted Nugent fans

H) Have never smoked marijuana

I) Approaching same percentage of population with pacemakers

J) Basically they're all drama queens

K) Tea Party Doomsday

L) Never watched the Big Lebowski – The dude abides, man.

M) They have always known nobody likes them

N) They ran out of answers, and assumed the questions were also done

O) Because they know what self destructive assholes Republicans really are.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2012 DOOMSDAY AFTERALL

What does Speaker Boehner do next?

A) Cry

B) Sob

C) Sniffle

D) Weep

E) Golf

F) Blubber

G) Keen

H) Snivel

I) Lament

J) Howl

K) Bawl

L) yowl

M) Whimper

N) Mourn

O) Retire

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2011 - SHOOT FIRST AND NEVER ASK

What will be Mike Huckabee's next explanation for Newtown?

A) The devil made his mother buy the gun

B) The devil made his mother leave the gun unlocked

C) Just more proof that women are Satan's workers, witches and temptresses

D) All Christians should be Christian soldiers

E) God uses assault weapons to tempt humans to do evil

F) An armed first grader is a safe first grader

G) More gun sales, good

H) They never would have crucified Jesus if he'd been armed

I) Guns don't kill children. They just help

J) A smaller clip would have just increased the fear while Lanza reloaded.

K) This will never happen again. The school is closed. What more can we do?

L) All school children should buy Mike Huckabee's new book, to slow the bullets

M) Nobody kills home school children except their own parents

N) Pry this 60 clip magazine from my cold, dead, stupid hands!

O) Keep your eyes closed while leaving the school yard.