SUNDAY, JANUARY 31, 2010

OBAMA VERSES THE GOP WAS MOST LIKE WATCHING...


A) Poetry

B) Alien V Preditor

C) Must see TV.

D) Lex Luthor V Superman, in the last reel..

E) There's Something About Mary.

F) The Munchkins V the Wicked Witch of the West.

G) P.S. 128 V the Indianapolis Colts in dodgeball.

H) Dumb and Dumberer

I) Jay Lenno V David Letterman

J) CSI V Sopranos

K) Jepordy V Wheel of Fortune.

L) Mody Dick V Flipper.

M) The Three Stooges V California Technical Institute.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 29, 2010

THE PRESIDENT'S FIRST STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS CAN BE BEST SUMMED UP BY THE PHRASE....


A) Remember me? No, really. What's my name? Were we all drinking last night or was it just me?

B) I suppose you are all wondering why I called this meeting.

C) It could be wose. It could be raining.

D) Did a bus just drive through here? Because, I think it ran over my agenda.

E) Okay. Okay. Now I'm really mad. Grrrrrr.

F) Can't we all just get along?

G) We have to work together. One for all, and all for one. Now, what do you want to do?

H) Gosh, I hope nobody got hurt in that train wreck.

I) Health what reform?

J) What this administration needs is to trade a couple of Phd's for some Mafia hit men.

K) No drama-Obama does not mean no heart beat.

L) He had such promise. Sigh.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 27, 2010

G.O.P. FILMMAKER JAMES O’KEEFE'S NEXT PLAN TO ATTACK LIBERALS WILL PROBABLY BE...


A) Infiltrating the New York City Ballat Company by pretending to be shoe repair men.

B) Placing listening devices in Timothy Geithner's office toliet.

C) Using Jack Bauer's methods to nail the lunch money shake down at PS 128..

D) Planting wired lasgane on the set of "Biggest Loser".

E) Infiltrating and exposing the master plans for world domination by NBC's Jeff Zucker.

F) Exposing the hidden libral bias on Daily Kos.

G) Proving Arianna Huffington is not a native born American.

H) Bugging his own offices to find out what the hell he was thinking when he dreamed this last one up.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23, 2010

SENIOR ADVISOR DAVID AXELROD SAYS OBAMA IS FEELING "FEISTY ". WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?


A) Obama will get very, very serious about compromising with Republicans.

B) Window dressing.

C) Arrainging deck chairs on the Titanic.

D) The Mayans were right. We're all doomed. It's Sara Palin in the morning.

E) The Bankers are only going to get two thirds of what they want.

F) Obama just woke up to find Bobby in his shower. The last year was a dream.

G) Feisty? What the hell does that mean? Does he never get mad? Does he ever fight for anything?

H) One more shot and then, if he does not come out swining, I am done with him.

I) It means he is scared. Good. The only time I trust politicians is when they are scared.

J) It means it is the most difficult job on earth. It could be worse. It could President McCain.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 22, 2010

THE U.S. SUPREME COURT HASN'T BEEN THIS WRONG SINCE,


A) Dred Scott.

B) Bush V the State of Florida

C) They ordered lunch last Thursday, and Clarence Thomas orded chips and a coke.

D) Antonino Scalia was given a law degree.

E) 1781

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20, 2010

THIS MORNING I FEEL LIKE...


A). Punching a Republican in the mouth.

B). Going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head.

C). Drinking heaviy for a few days.

D). Watching Law and Order Reruns for a few days until the pundits move on.

E). Begining again.

F). Asking the Republicans what their plan for Health Care Reform. And Just keep asking until somebody actually listens to the question.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 17, 2010

ACCORDING TO ZOGBY POLL 74% EXPECT TO HAVE LESS OR THE SAME INCOME THIS YEAR. WHAT WILL THE OTHER 25% BE DOING?


A) Voting Republican

B) Watching Jay Lenno at 11:35 p.m.

C) Protesting the political message of "Avatar".

D) Re-reading "Going Rogue" and underlining the "sexy parts".

E) Cashing their bonus check from Goldman Sachs.

F) Voting for Donny Osmon on "Dancing With the Stars 2010".

G) Promoting "Jack Bauer for Secretary of Defense" in a Sara Palin White House.

H) Whinning.

FRIDAY JANUARY 13, 2009

PAT ROBINSON IS....


A) A Lunatic.

B) An ignaramous

C) The most unChristian putz in America

D) The anti-Christ.

E) Looney Tunes

F) Beneath Contempt

G) Horrible

I) A confused old man.

J) Going to meet his maker some day.  And one of them is going to be very disappointed.

K) Rich and stupid and not likely to change

L) Consistant.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 6, 2010

SENATOR CHRIS DODD WILL NOT RUN FOR RE-ELECTION, WHAT SHOULD BE OUR RESPONSE?


A) Goodby, and thanks for all the fish.

B) Sorry to see you go. Can I call you a cab?

C) What? You're going so soon? You didn't forget anything did you?

D) See - you eat one foot, and suddenly your a cannibal.

E) Ah, a hooker with a heart of gold.

F) You won't have Chris Dodd to kick around anymore.

G) Wait! This makes Elmer Fudd the senior senator from Conneticut.

H) Well, at least he has a nice home to retire to.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 3, 2010

Acording to POLITICO the House Republicans have just $2 million in cash for elections in 2010. What is their best bet for raising money?


A) A bake sale

B) A car wash

C) A silent auction of all those white robes in their closet.

D) Start a chain of antique idea stores.

E) A traveling show of tea bags.

F) Auction off Tom Delay's dancing shoes.

G) Try to sell their souls again.